Hey, parking enforcement officer—you're a douchebag.

Comments

1

Hey Anon - you're a whiny little bitch.

Ignorance of the law is no excuse. If you think I'm wrong, take your tickets to court and let me know how you make out.

Don't want tickets? Try obeying the parking regulations, rather than leaning on lame-ass excuses like 'Everyone Else Is Doing It', and 'But I said I'd Move My Car' (BTW, that means 'now', not 'When I'm done getting my Triple-Venti-Caramel-Machiatto-with-Yak-Milk-and-Fair-Trade-Chocolate-Shavings-on-Top').

Grow up.

2

Hey douchebag -- don't park in a no-parking zone.

3

This sucks, and you suck. There are rules about where to park for a reason, asshole. Follow them and you won't get a ticket.

Even better? Get rid of your fucking car, douchnozzle. Then you won't have to worry about it, and you'll free up some space for someone who doesn't park like a dick.

4

Rules and Laws don't count for me either.

5

Wow, I thought I was being tough on Anon! This neighborhood can be rough on self-righteous, entitled twits, so would-be contributors be warned.

Or, as I was taught in a law class many years ago: 'If you approach the Bench, do so with clean hands.'

6

Do you think this weeks Anon was so clueless they'd actually get some sympathy, or maybe they were just trolling for a beating?

7

If you play with fire, sometimes your are going to get burned. I'll offer an eeeensy, weeensy, teeeny bit of sympathy here .... It reminds me of the time I got caught jaywalking in Seattle. Even though what I did was clearly illegal, I could not believe the cop pulled his car up onto the sidewalk and proceeded to write me a ticket .... I felt like Marshawn Lynch when responding to his questions. "You've obviously never been to NYC." "You've obviously never been to NYC." "Have you been to NYC?" "You've obviously never been to NYC."

8

Maybe Charles is right, if you didn't have a car you couldn't get parking tickets. Damn... CAR CULTURE STRIKES AGAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!!!

9

Why do you think the officer is "stuck" in their job? Are you stuck in your job? You whiny little bitch. Follow the rules.

12

I was once working for the city of Bellingham and we had just replaced the parking meters and informed parking enforcement. Someone didn't get the memo and during my lunch break they came through ticketing every car in a metered lot.
1. Didn't dawn on the officer that 100% non-compliance was odd.
2. She didn't recognize me when I approached her, yet we had bagel and coffee breaks with these folks almost every day. I call this a mental cocoon that afflicts this profession.
3. No apologies once she realized she was wrong. I had to go remove the tickets from every vehicle myself and make sure they weren't processed.

Overall it's a stressful job where you assume everyone is hostile. We don't hire well for that type.

13

1) Don't park where you're not supposed to
2) If you can't follow simple laws directing you on how and where you can park your car, maybe you shouldn't be driving
3) You're not entitled to park on the city street, it's a privilege, and with privilege comes responsibility
4) Who cares what the neighborhood thinks, this isn't some sort of world where you get to make the rules.. Only Trump and the GOP get to do that. Are you saying you're a trump supporter?

14

@10: We do occasionally bend the rules. The difference is when we do get caught, we man up and take our lumps; we don't become whiny little passive-aggressive bitches and write 'I, Anon' columns in The Stranger and ragging on cops for just doing their fucking jobs.

This week I got a $100 parking ticket for parking where I shouldn't have on Federal property. I was polite and respectful while the Dept. of Homeland Security cops took my info and give me the ticket. I even told them to 'have a nice day' (and not in a snarky and sarcastic tone, either; they're just doing their jobs).

I'm not going to argue my ticket. I was wrong, and I was hoping I wasn't going to be there long enough to get caught.

Do the crime, do the time, bitches.

16

@1: I've always wondered: why ISN'T ignorance of the law an excuse or a defense? Obviously it shouldn't be on the big things like murder and rape and, worst of all, being an investment banker...but what about arcane and ambiguous parking statutes? Or whether a genuinely harmless activity happens to be illegal in a particular state or county you've never set foot in before? In a situation like that, why shouldn't "I didn't have any way of knowing that particular thing is against the law here? Now that I do, can't you let it go at me promising not to do it again?"?

Do we really need to work from the assumption that the social order will collapse unless every single law on the books is enforced to a ludicrous extreme, without acknowledgment of mitigating circumstances or even a semblance of basic decency on the part of those keeping the peace? It's not as though the US would have descended into chaos if the police departments of Boston, New York and Philadelphia had refused to enforce the Fugitive Slave Act in the 1850s, for example.

This is a major issue in small towns in small states, many of which have criminalized absurdly petty infractions-some of which are nothing more than minor annoyances or simply locally-sourced small-mindedness-as a means of levying fines to fund local government rather than having local taxes. I assume you'd agree that it irresponsible to base a revenue source for municipal governance on the harassment on largely innocent strangers.

17

@14: I agree that ALL people-not just the cops-deserve to be treated with some basic level of respect. Why, though, should cops get more deference than any of the rest of us? Why should they be treated as though they are above the rest of us, as though they are incapable of error? And why, in response to situations that are escalating, have our cops been trained(the initiative passed in 2018 should have stopped this training-has it, though?)to get into an ultra-paranoid "Defcon 1" mindset where they will not listen to anyone who is trying to persuade them not to shoot and where they will consider no response to the situation other than termination with extreme prejudice? Cops are just another group of human beings-it's dangerous to encourage them to see themselves as the warrior elite of a municipal army, living their lives in perpetual war against the rest of the community.

18

Sounds like Anon just moved into Seattle from the suburbs. Learn to fucking park.

19

BTW, I'm not writing from any particular sympathy with ANON, but rather from utter bafflement about the self-righteous uptightness of the "the law is the law is the law/this is a nation of laws, not of men" crowd. What is the point of simply worshipping "the law"? It's not as if the legal system and those who run it deserve to be accorded the equivalent of papal infallibility, OR that everyone should have to obey whatever a cop says simply because the cop is saying it. Cops are simply fallible human beings who have the legal right to kill the rest of us anytime they can come up with an excuse for killing us.

20

@19 - The law is supposed to put a person on notice if what is/is not allowed. a law that is so vague that a person of ordinary intelligence can be struck down as void for vagueness. For example, if a town's parking ordinance said that every night the chief of police would draw the name of a street from a hat, not tell anyone, and then ticket everyone who parked on that street, I suspect it would get tossed pretty darned quick.

The problem for Anon here is that parking statutes DO tend to get posted in places like on signs right where we are parking. If you think you do have mitigating circumstances, you are welcome to discuss them with a judge. It works a surprising amount of time when said mitigating circumstances are real (being in a hurry and only parking illegally "for a minute" probably won't cut it tho).

21

Man I want this parking enforcement guy in my neighborhood

22

Anon is probably the type to park their car at the bus stop with their lights flashing. And/or park in a way that blocks the pedestrian ramps at crosswalks so that folks using wheelchairs have to take a huge detour so that they can cross the street.

23

Anyone that has to drive to a coffee shop has a terrible life.

24

"The neighborhood thinks this" or the neighborhood is just done with your pathetic whining so they politely smile and nod?

25

I was driving for a quick 30 second drop off at an office and was in a free load zone and saw the dude making up his ticket when I came out because it was for TRUCKS. I asked him not to do so. He did anyway. Another time I was picking up a friend after a major surgery at Harborview and I guess the meter ran over by basically a minute. Ticket. Friend all in bandages and shit but the cop didn't give a shit when I caught him printing it out. One cannot foresee the things they cannot foresee given that he still had to check out with his scripts at the pharmacy and shit.

26

@25: And that sucks, ortolan. Part of why things like that are done to people here is that Seattle, like a lot of other cities, pressures cops to write as many tickets as possible by imposing monthly quotas for ticket issuance. This is done mainly to raise revenues without the rich having to pay their share and also simply to get the cops to "look tough" for the SAKE of "looking tough". If the city or the state established a "wealth tax", excessive, petty ticketing like that could be brought to an end and people in situations like yours would be given the humane discretion and the benefit of the doubt they deserve. It's time to get rid of ticket quotas AND arrest quotas-the only reason anyone should be ticketed or arrested is if they've absolutely done something to deserve it, not just for the sake of doing it.

27

Pay your ticket or don't drive your car.

28

Not siding with anon, but it would be nice if Seattle painted the curbs in no parking zones like around fire hydrants and within 30 feet of an intersection. Not all of us drive around with tape measures in our cars.

29

Pay your fucking tickets and then stop parking like a douchebag, douchebag.

30

Jfc. If you don't want to pay fines for putting your damn car where it's not legal to put it, don't put your damn car in places where you're not legally entitled to. God, car culture makes people whiny and entitled.

32

An expired meter/no parking zone ticket is usually about $35, so just pay it and quit your bitching. Blocking a fire hydrant or parking in a red zone (even if you put on your hazard lights) endangers the public, so that's usually about $100 (and sorry, but it often takes years of work and training to become a fire fighter, so forgive me if I sode with them over the average "I can't function without my coffee!" drone). Pay it and quit endangering the the public in your quest for scones. Blocking a handicap spot is about $300, and you deserve to pay every penny of it.

Don't like it? Fine, quit 'yer bitching and move to Somolia, Yemen, Syria, or another failed state that probably doesn't ticket at all and enjoy parking wherever you please.

34

Wanna park in 'Truck Load Only'?
Purchase for your car a 'truck license.'

"It's Truck-Only Load Zone
Curb color: Yellow
Delivery or pick up of products, merchandise,
or other objects. Restricted to vehicles licensed as trucks."

I used to see the odd little Mercedes sportscar
with a 'truck' license plates and always wondered why...

So spend the extra hundred bucks
or so and park like The Big Boys do.

But not: in 'Commercial Trucks Only.'

It's Good, to be Rich!

35

@31 -- "This week I got a $100 parking ticket for parking where I shouldn't have on Federal property. I was polite and respectful while the Dept. of Homeland Security cops took my info and give me the ticket. I even told them to 'have a nice day' (and not in a snarky and sarcastic tone, either; they're just doing their jobs)."

Gonna hafta nominate MRBEE for one a' trumpfy's Freedom Medals.

'Have a Nice Day.'
I bet they did indeed.