I applaud everyone who chooses to use carbon-free modes of transportation such as the light rail, but I curse those of you who have failed to pick up basic-ass etiquette.

Since some of you need it spelled out for you, please listen up: 

  • Let less able-bodied people have a seat. Don’t wait (and this is based on true events) for the elderly blind man with a prosthetic leg to shout desperately into the din, “Please! Somebody let me sit down,” you rude motherfuckers.

  • If you’re going stand by the doors for the entire ride, move out of the way of the exit when the train stops.

  • If I can hear you over my headphones, then you’re too loud. Yes, I’m talking to you, unmasked bros screaming about sports. Same to you, bridesmaids en route to the gay bar where you’re (still) not invited. 

  • Finally, when taking one of the few working escalators in town, stand as far to the right as possible. I know it’s hard to believe, but most of us have better places to be than stuck behind your ass. 

Once again, thank you for choosing this superior mode of transpo, but do the rest of us a favor by paying attention to what’s going on around you.

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