I found out I was pregnant on 11/14. First time! That day, I logged into my health care company’s “portal” to let my care team know. "Hi! I have a positive pregnancy test as of this date, this was my last period, blah blah blah, please let me know next steps!” I filled out an appointment referral form announcing my pregnancy, and then landed an appointment with my personal care provider (PCP) two weeks out. Fine, this will be good, she'll give me the rundown, run some tests, and give me medical advice. 

Eight days before my appointment, “the portal” asked me to fill out a questionnaire. "What's your main reason for wanting to visit your PCP?" Hmm, I told “the portal” twice already, but the third time must be the charm: because I'm pregnant. 

I didn't hear anything for a handful of days and wondered… Am I even seeing the right provider? I logged back into “the portal” to pose that question to my care team, and a nurse responded within minutes: "You need to call member services to ask them if your PCP is an OB." Why the hell does the nurse supporting my doctor not know that? OK, whatever, I call the number and they say, "No ma'am, she does not provide OB care, you need to contact your care team for a referral to OB.” 

At this point, the tears start to swell. Hormones? Our fucked-up health care system? Feeling like no one who's supposed to be supporting me and my health gives a flying fuck? Definitely all of the above. 

After three portal messages, four phone call transfers, and 879 tears, I finally got one appointment with an OB three weeks from now.

Do you need to get something off your chest? Submit an I, Anonymous and we'll illustrate it! Send your unsigned rant, love letter, confession, or accusation to ianonymous@thestranger.com. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and the guilty.