Can we please bring checkout lanes back? The number of people who take an entire, overflowing cart of groceries through a self-checkout lane thinking they can scan groceries faster than a cashier is astounding, especially when they eventually run out of space on the ever-so-sensitive bagging scale and start standing around to wait for employee assistance anyway. 

I've seen people with a broken arm and a full cart of groceries go through the self-checkout. I've seen parents letting their children painstakingly scan each and every item in the cart, only to have them not put something in the bagging area and—surprise!—require the help of an employee!! The grocery store checkout is not some play place! I'm sure you could even buy a toy checkout set at Fred Meyer!!

And remarkably, some people still have NO IDEA how to use the self-checkout. They treat it as if it were some sort of elder alien technology they are first encountering after being unwillingly thrust a thousand years into the future. (Maybe they were? If so, fuggin' talk to me! Let me live out my X-Files/Futurama fantasy!)

Can we PLEASE just get rid of the self-checkout and go back to checkout lanes, with express lanes for 8 items or less? Or at the very least make self-checkout express only!?

Just let me leave this place and show my receipt to the security guards on my way out.

Do you need to get something off your chest? Submit an I, Anonymous and we'll illustrate it! Send your unsigned rant, love letter, confession, or accusation to Please remember to change the names of the innocent and the guilty.