For any festival goers reading this, there's a secret Stranger Fashion Tunnel after-party tonight in the ATM tent. Bring your ATM receipt for admission. Some girls with legwarmers will be there!

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I asked this guy to put down his phone while I took his photo, but he couldn't because he said he had "no control." (OH MAN, SORRY: BAD BAD RELIGION JOKE)

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Christen Greene surveys the fashion delights of the music festival. In this mind, that guy is having an orgy with himself & his id and ego, as well as the gaze.

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The older gentleman on the far left is either Jimmy Buffet, Wilfred Brimley or Warren Buffet Brimley (w/ the beetus).

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"HOLY SHIT, WHERE? THE ONLY THING I CAN FIND BACK HERE IS ALREADY CHEWED SOY JOY BARS."

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"We rented the camper for our friend's bachelor party weekend," this guy told me. It costs $450 a day. They drove from Arizona and spent $800 on gas on the trip here. When I asked about the wildest thing they'd done all weekend, he replied that the bachelor drank a shot of a girl's vomit the night before. "Do you think his fiancé would be upset by that?" I asked. He replied that she probably wouldn't mind, because she's "pretty chill."

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A bunch of horrible military dudes are camping 500 feet from us, eventually one of them stumbled over to our car. His shirt says MIDGET HOOKERS CHARGE HALF THE PRICE. He told us that he was stationed in Bremerton and that "Seattle is stupid because there aren't any trees there." Eventually he walked away, tried to enter a tent that wasn't his and was told to leave by the girls sleeping inside. Soon after he walked back to his truck, blasted "Wild Side" by Motley Crue and then got into an argument with an Asian girl, who he repeatedly and loudly called the N-word. From where I was standing, they seemed to be spitting on each other. One of us notified parking lot security that he and his group were awful humans, but their response was that they were in the military and were fighting for our freedom. I wondered to myself how these people would respond to the choir preaching racism discussions that I often see on Facebook and in the Stranger, but then my brain got bored and I opted to jam a fistful of Babybel cheese into my mouth.