Self check your head (of lettuce).
  • "Self check your head (of lettuce)."

Last night, the scene at the Ballard Fred Meyer was wild. There were so many things to buy, many at unbelievably low prices. I spotted this friendly guy in the back of the store and explained that I'd like to take his picture and then create a list of jokes about the Beastie Boys and grocery stores. What are good jokes about the Beastie Boys and grocery stores?

"Listen all y'all its a steak-kebab." - Pat Jandro

"You gotta fight for your right to party supplies!" - Austin Hall

"You gotta fight for your right to Parkay!" - Greg Franklin

"Produce clerk: Oh, you're looking for the kale? It's on the upper shelf to the left, just after you PASS THE MICrogreens." - Dashel Schueler

"Self Check Out Your Head." - M.l. Birdsall

"Why were the Beastie Boys excited about the lottery ticket giveaway at Fred Meyer?
Because they heard it was free to bet." - Levi Fuller

"What did the guy at the deli counter say to the customer? So Whatcha want?" - Derek Erdman

"Went to the store for the five piece chicken dinner, left with a bottle of Blue Nun instead." - Andrew Robbins

"Fred Meyer is too big - department store and grocery store in one? I prefer Paul's Boutique." - Dashel Schueler

"What did Ad Rock tell his dad after he bought liquor at Fred Meyer for the first time? 'Shake your rum, Pa!'" - Levi Fuller

"Hey Beastie Boys, what do you need to buy at Fred Meyer? We just need three items then we're on the go: Glad Wrap, meat snack, oregano." - Jeff Kirby

"Licensed to grill." - Emily Nokes

"What did the baker ask the clerk? where can I get an egg, man?" - Chad Belfor

"Why did Fred Meyer hire Mandy to work in the office supply section? Because she's crafty!" - Ally Shrimpter

"I was asking folks around town which store had the best fish counter. They said Whole Foods was pretty good, but that I should definitely check out Fred Meyer's shad rack." - Mathew Tapey

"How did the Beastie Boys know their prescription was ready at the Fred Meyer Pharmacy?
They received a pill communication." - Levi Fuller

"Why didn't Todd's homemade ice cream machine that he bought from Fred Meyer work properly? Because he forgot to ad rock salt." - Derek Erdman

"All rise, The Yeastie Boys are now on sale in the bakery aisle." - Celene Ramadan

"All three were great friends with Sam of the meat department until they refused to stop shaking his roasts." - Bernard Balizet

"I bought some kale for Fryin' and Steamin'!" - Chris Grumboski

"Brass Monkey, that Chunky Monkey." - Erin Res

"What did the canned tuna say to the canned chicken? Hello, nasty." Nick Burica

"What did the man in the Asian food section say? I'll stir fry you in my wok!" - Jessica Saunders

"What did the stock boy say when he was fired after slipping in a puddle of mop water (intentionally left for him by the janitor who hates him) causing him to knock over a display of ketchup bottles? It's sabotage! What did the manager say to the fired stock boy when he tried to explain? I'M GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT, THIS (MOP)WATERGATE!" - Valerie Jean Bajorat

"What did the security guard say to the man who was trying to steal beets? Put the root down and come with me." - Derek Erdman

"What do you call that obese man buying all that Cambell's chunky soup? Heart attack man." - Nick Burica

"I'm like Sam the butcher, bringing Alice the meat, literally, not in the sexy double entendre way." - Sylas Cooley

"Why did the Beastie Boys get thrown in the Fred Meyer clink? FOR RHYMIN' AND STEALIN'!!!" - Dre Gordon

"She's Kraft-y." - Amy Dials

"Q: Why is Wolverine so into Nu Wave? A: Cause his bones are made out of Adam-Ant-ium!" - Matthew O'Brien

"If this is gonna be that kind of grocery I'm gonna sprinkle some dill on the potato salad." - Albert Stabler

"What did Mike D. say after he accidentally broke a carton of eggs on the floor at Fred Meyer? Sometimes hard boiled sometimes runny It comes from a chicken not a bunny dummy. People laugh it's no joke! After a really long, awkward silence, people were like, "uh.. ok whatever." Everyone pretended not to hear him and continued shopping. They didn't have time for this. END JOKES!" - Amy Dials

See also: Pearl Jam at the Safeway, Kurt Cobain at the Safeway, Sublime at the Petco.