• Suzi Pratt

Bumbershoot is such an overwhelming banana ride. I assumed that since I got there around 10am, I would leave once or twice throughout the day to go nap under a bridge or something. Oh no. By the time I was ready for said nap, I realized that it was way later than I thought and I still had some Jane's Addiction to see. Over at Key Arena, a man in a pinstriped suit, blazing on acid, sideways walked towards us. When asked about his outfit, he said, "Jane, Jane's... Farrell would dress like... like this for me."

AWOLNATION was finishing up their set and they didn't make any sense to me. Afterwards, the Jumbotron displayed generic tweet after generic tweet. @AWOLNATION really brought the music #Bumbershoot! I went to #Bumbershoot and really rocked out to @AWOLNATION! After everyone cleared out, I tried to take an upright chair nap, until the world's most obnoxious soundcheck started. "CHEEYECK, CHEEEEYECK, YEEAH, JAY ROCK, CH-CHECK." The arena started to fill up again and a woman came on stage and screamed, "I need you to text all your friends right now and tell them they're about to miss the sickest show everrr! I wanna see sum boouubies!" The lights dimmed, the smoke machines smoked, and a 15-minute Pink Floyd medley came on. The audience was doing that thing where WOO! the drum tech came on stage and WOO! nothing happened and APPLAUSE! when different drum tech walked on stage.

AND THEN JANE'S ADDICTION BEGAN. I've never been one to get Jane's Addiction, maybe I'm too young. Maybe I'm immune to Perry Farell's weird sex aura (come on, he looks like an eyeliner-wearing Changeling). But I was ready to listen, I was ready to see the good, I was ready to learn about "how great Nothing's Shocking was, at least."

  • Suzi Pratt

The first song must have been newer. It sounded like industrial drilling. There were giant statues of naked women sitting on a pendulum (I think?) and real women with very long skirts swinging on swings suspended from the ceiling, but the crowd didn't seem into it. At all.

  • Suzi Pratt
The second song sounded familiar and my date got excited and started air drumming (likes Nothing's Shocking, is almost 40), until Farrell's vocals came in. "NO, he's supposed to sing this way higher, what is he doing?" A few audience members were swaying in the pit below us, but nothing special. Another "hit" was played, with the same low, muffled, groaning vocals, "He sounds like a hobo, like a fucking hobo!"

He did sound like a hobo. Or an unsavory bar sleaze with strep throat. But I didn't know any better, I thought this was what Jane's Addiction was. People started leaving. I THOUGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, I screamed at them in my head. Farrell's shirt was off by the third song, I don't believe Navarro ever had a shirt on (he was, to be fair, effortlessly noodling all over the place and is probably a good guitar player) and had a cigarette (or an e-cigarette) in his mouth at one point. I hit the 12.5 hour mark of being at Bumbershoot, and felt I no longer had anything to offer to the people around me, so I stopped being there. Which is something everybody needs to realize eventually.