Green Lantern 3D

105 min. minutes | Rated PG-13

Okay, so we start in space. A sort of rotten-apple-head guy encased in green Jell-O barfs fire on some space lizards and then they die. It turns out that this guy is a sort of flying octopus made of poo-dreads who is also on fire. Let’s call him Space-Voldemort. Now he is running around eating planets and shit. Not good! Meanwhile, on earth: plane chase!!! It’s Ryan Reynolds (aka Marlon Bland-o) vs. Blake Lively (aka dean of students at Bland-eis University) vs. a couple of robot planes. Ryan Reynolds wins the plane chase because he doesn’t play by the rules and his only weakness is thinking about his dead dad. Remember that for laaaaaater!!! So then, when a purple guy with no skin gets zapped by Space-Voldemort and falls to earth, of COURSE he chooses Ryan Reynolds to take over his job as space sheriff! Because Ryan Reynolds doesn’t play by the rules! He gives Ryan Reynolds his magic ring and tells him his new name is Green Lantern. Peter Sarsgaard and Ryan Reynolds face off inside a plane building. Then poo-dreads shows up. Ryan Reynolds kills him by not playing by the rules and by not thinking about his dead dad anymore (remember!?!?). Blake Lively continues to exist. Please please please please please please do not make a sequel.


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Film Credits
Martin Campbell
Ryan Reynolds, Mark Strong, Peter Sarsgaard, Blake Lively