100 min. minutes | Rated PG-13
Dub tee eff, Matthew McConaughey? You get a starring role in a crappy Hollywood rom-com that's bound to be box-office GOLD and you only give us, what, a MINUTE of screen time!? We're your PECS, brah! You think it's that charming-but-clueless bullshit that keeps the ladies (and some dudes) racing back for more? Hell no! It's us! It's your pecs! The fact that you constantly prance around shirtless (at your age, no less) is the only reason anyone gives a shit about you! And now, when you play a sex-addicted, monogamy-hating playboy who dumps women in bulk, you have the gall to keep your clothes on? Do you want this movie to FAIL? You do, don't you? Otherwise you would've done the whole fucking thing shirtless, like the cinematic monstrosity you did with that Hudson spaz that banked over $70 million. What kind of manwhore wears a three-piece suit 90 percent of the time, anyway? A stupid manwhore, that's what kind.
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