I LOVE MARILYN Manson. He's so cool.

I don't normally like bands that use profanity or bad language, unless it's for a reason. But Mr. Manson is different, because he plays really intelligent, loud rock music with deep lyrics and everything. There's a song on his new record where he goes, "This is evolution/The monkey, the man and then the gun." It's true what he's saying, isn't it? We haven't come very far from the apes, when you think about it. Guns are really stupid, too, unless they're in a game like Tomb Raider 2. I've never wanted to kill anyone.

There's another song he sings at the end that I don't quite understand. It's something about wanting to be pretty and dirty, and stupid girlie stuff. And then he says we're all nobodies? How can he say that? We're all somebody even if we're nobody, aren't we? If you ask me, I don't think Mr. Manson has thought long enough about some of his words, and he ought to. I know that he doesn't always think long enough for sure, because I SPOKE to Mr. Manson on the phone a few days ago. I know you won't believe me, but he called me up! Honest! You know how I can prove it? Because I know his real name. It's Brian. He told me! He was really polite and friendly, and never even sniggered once when I told him he should cover a Sunny Day Real Estate song during his concert.

"We now live in a world where nothing is secret anymore," he told me. (It's true, isn't it?) "Not because of Big Brother, but because Little Brother is now watching everywhere you go, and telling all your secrets on the Internet. I'm actually reading my answers off the Internet as I say them."

I think he was joking. I was a bit worried when he said "Little Brother," so I tried to distract his attention by telling him how I'd sneaked into the cinema to see Blair Witch 2. He didn't seem very impressed, though. In fact, I got the idea he didn't like the movie.

So I told him that I heard he'd been painting pictures recently. He snapped at me this time. "I've always painted, since I was a kid!" he said loudly.

Well! I like that! Don't forget, Mr. High-and-Mighty Manson, that I AM one of those "Disposable Teens" you sing about... at least I will be in a couple of years. Watch out, or I might blow YOU away.

I decided I'd impress him by using a very complicated word. I said to him, "Mr. Manson, sir, my cousin Alex told me that your new album, Holy Wood, is the third part of a triptych." (Why did I have to mention Alex? Blast!) That pleased him: "The albums aren't quite necessarily linear," he said, "and they all stand on their own, but they do work together. It's three-dimensional. You could take the three CDs and program them into a sequence that is a narrative that is quite clear, actually." (What was he going on about? I didn't know. He's quite strange, really.) "Will our fans realize that?" he went on. "I'm sure they will, when they read this! But people will discover it by themselves. Strange things often work on a subconscious level. It can be an interactive coincidence. For example, there's a song on the new album called "President Dead" that is three minutes and 13 seconds long. That's the same time as the moment of impact on the [I'm sorry, I couldn't work out what he said here] film when Kennedy is shot. We're playing on November 22 in Boston in...."

I'm sorry, but this is where my tape ran out.

Anyway, I love Marilyn. His music is really LOUD and MEANINGFUL and full of doomy portents, just like in Dungeons and Dragons. He even dresses up in women's clothing and wears white face paint like it's Halloween every day. I love Halloween. It's my favorite holiday. Me and my best friend K. J. go around dressed up as the spook from Scream--we both do, because old-fashioned ghost costumes are sooo boring. We don't actually knock on anyone's doors, because we're too scared they might have guns or pick axes, but we watch the other kids. And they let us, too, after we've given them K. J.'s allowance.

I have all Marilyn's albums--the new one, and that one where he looks a bit like Alanis Morissette on the cover. I hate Alanis, by the way. She screeches and wails, and has nothing to say. Not like Marilyn, even if he does have a woman's name. (I don't quite understand why, but I bet because he's sensitive.) He's not evil. He's NOT! How can you say that? Don't you stupid motherfucking fucks UNDERSTAND ANYTHING? I'm going to get out my fucking Uzi and my pipe bombs and... oh shit, here comes Mum.