The BAND is The Stranger's weekly column written by local music acts. If you play music in this city and think you've got some choice words for this space, e-mail your tour stories, smart ideas, and other such ramblings (350 words) to theband@thestranger.com.

Where Is...

When driving along at a given intersection... say Harborview Ave. and Seventh, ask all pedestrians for the location of Harborview and Seventh, and refuse to understand that you are there.

Bus Stop

Especially when touring in a large van, pull up to crowded bus stops and wait for people to climb in.

Hot-Dog Vendor

This game originated in Columbus, Ohio, where at lunchtime on weekdays, the hot-dog vendors line up outside of the buildings. Most of them have their name printed on the side, so you yell out the vendor's name and quickly look away, causing a bit of confusion to the poor old sap.

Biker's Ass

This one is simple. For every biker you see, pull up real close and give him a little slap on the ass. Just make sure he isn't bigger than you are.

The Stick Game

This is not a driving game. It works best at night. Take a stick that you find, and hold it over your head. Now look at it (straight up) and twirl a given number of times. For some it only takes 10 or 15 twirls, but I've seen people go for 50. As soon as you reach the selected number, drop the stick to the ground and attempt to leap over it. It's not quite as easy as it sounds.

Green Light = GO!!

When sitting at a red light behind someone, hold your hand over the horn and wait for the light to turn green. As soon as it does, lay on the horn like the guy in front of you is an idiot. Also helps if you yell out something unintelligible at him.

Beep, Beep, Finger

Pretty much what it seems: Look for pedestrians, honk your horn, then give them the finger and watch the hilarious look that they give you.

Botch play their final show at the Showbox on Sat June 15.