I'm Not Leaving The House Today

Back to article

Comments

i am w/o speech

benjammin509 on April 21, 2012 at 11:00 AM

Eh. I wouldn't fuck her with your dick. And the song sucks too.

Go ahead. Leave the house.

Fifty-Two-Eighty on April 21, 2012 at 11:07 AM

Ow ow ow! My ears and eyes! They hurt more than what Coco Peru says about getting cum in your eyes.

Partly Cloudy on April 21, 2012 at 11:12 AM

Some Texas hell hole no doubt. I watched for three seconds before puking.

Vince on April 21, 2012 at 11:13 AM

Jesus fuck. Between the camel toe flash at 1:25 and the harmo-NO-zing at 2:34 you've driven me to get the hell outside away from my computer on this beautiful day. So..thank you?

gloomy gus on April 21, 2012 at 11:23 AM

This is the worst RuPaul's Drag Race audition tape I've ever seen.

BoyfriendoftheYear on April 21, 2012 at 11:24 AM

A trophy wife with money to burn.

California Dreaming on April 21, 2012 at 11:27 AM

P.S. I looked her up just now, and though of course if the internet is a race we here have lost again, that aside an interesting comment credited this video as a manifestation of the "Dunning-Kruger effect".

The Dunning-Kruger effect describes a cognitive bias in which people perform poorly on a task, but lack the meta-cognitive capacity to properly evaluate their performance. As a result, such people remain unaware of their incompetence and accordingly fail to take any self-improvement measures that might rid them of their incompetence.

And also that what we (putatively normal) viewers are experiencing is called Fremdscham, the almost-horror you feel when you notice that somebody is oblivious to how embarrassing they truly are. Fremdscham occurs when someone who should feel embarrassed for themselves simply is not, and you start feeling embarrassment in their place.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evol…

On Slog our chief practitioner of Dunning-Kruger is Will in Seattle, and the person who most keenly feels the embarrassment in his place is Fnarf.

Okay, into the sunshine I go.

gloomy gus on April 21, 2012 at 11:37 AM

Dear The Stranger bloggers: please stop posting and re-posting this. Dan - read your own freaking blog already.

Just Jeff on April 21, 2012 at 11:50 AM

The badness is unintentional - it's a vanity video. She's the middle aged equivalent of Rebecca Black, only less deserving of pity because she's old enough to know better.

Now go outside.

Sea Otter on April 21, 2012 at 11:57 AM

@8 Interesting. Thanks.

Sea Otter on April 21, 2012 at 11:58 AM

@8: Will in Seattle has nothing on Mudede.

also on April 21, 2012 at 11:59 AM

My 3-second rule revolves around the cumulative amount of that time this women should be able to sing over the course of the remainder of her natural life.

malcolmxy on April 21, 2012 at 12:02 PM

@8, Jesus, Gus, you've nailed it. And me. Fremdscham. What cures it? Please say "whisky".

Fnarf on April 21, 2012 at 12:05 PM

I hope and pray those cowboys got paid enough never to have to work again after this, but something tells me their checks bounced. I'd cover my face too if I were in that video.

Prettybetsy on April 21, 2012 at 12:09 PM

Wow... the "harmonies"... My brain still hurts.

Michael of the Green on April 21, 2012 at 12:09 PM

i don't think it is any worse than something from cher's body of work.if you took away the silly video, and added some studio work with p-diddy, this could be a cher song.

wingwongdong on April 21, 2012 at 12:10 PM

made me look

reverend dr dj riz on April 21, 2012 at 12:20 PM

@17: So what you're saying is that if this wasn't so terrible, it would merely be bad?

also on April 21, 2012 at 12:29 PM

Definitely accidental awfulness.

Aurora Erratic on April 21, 2012 at 12:37 PM

she's tone deaf - she cannot hear what you can!

subwlf on April 21, 2012 at 12:47 PM

Her husband must be loaded to bankroll this kind of crap.

Gern Blanston on April 21, 2012 at 12:50 PM

Reminds me of the end of "Best in Show"...(God loves a Terrier)

on April 21, 2012 at 12:51 PM

So awful it's kind of great. But watching it over and over? I don't think my ears or eyes could handle it, even though the laughter it provokes is good for the soul. Come to think of it, it gives my eyes a good workout, what with all the rolling, so maybe another viewing on mute is in order. Although when things like this go viral, it just encourages them, you know. So Dan, you're only adding to the problem.

Thank you, Gus, for explaining it and giving it its proper name.

nocutename on April 21, 2012 at 1:00 PM

I'm not sure which is worse: the message or the delivery.

nocutename on April 21, 2012 at 1:01 PM

So maybe this is the perfect example of the ideal intersection of form and content.

nocutename on April 21, 2012 at 1:01 PM

Surgeon General's Warning: Repeated viewing of "Three-Second Rule" can cause reduced libido, ear infections, erectile dysfunction (in men), aesthetic discomfort (in women), and brain damage.

Why have referees? on April 21, 2012 at 1:04 PM

i hate life and everything else now too.

Adrian Ryan on April 21, 2012 at 1:08 PM

Maybe it's because I've got too much on my Desktop to play YouTubes well and it looked choppy and out of sync, maybe it's because I'm actually trying to work here, but I only made it about three seconds after I found out what it was all about.

The Max on April 21, 2012 at 1:13 PM

Get out of the dark room, Dan. Consensus: genuine awfulness.

BLUE on April 21, 2012 at 1:14 PM

Okay, fine. Clearly nobody likes this one but wait until you witness the spandex-clad heavy metal version. It rocks!

saxfanatic on April 21, 2012 at 1:19 PM

Unintentional. 7 and 10 nailed it, though 8 was very informative as well.

I made it 43 seconds in. The same impulse that makes us watch car accidents is luring me back. Must resist!

Learned Hand on April 21, 2012 at 1:20 PM

So this is what The Real Housewives of Atlanta are doing with their free time.

BTW, she needs a refund for her bad plastic surgery

Cato the Younger Younger on April 21, 2012 at 1:24 PM

Why does everyone assume that some guy is paying for this. Did you consider that she may be a successful accountant who decided o indulger herself. Or, is there an underlying assumptions that it is only men that can make a decently living without having any common sense/inteligence.

- a little offended

Lady of Eagle Lake on April 21, 2012 at 1:30 PM

A gentleman removes his hat indoors. Just goes to show you that all those so-called cowboys out there are just costumed poseurs.

I vote unintentionally awful.

Bauhaus I on April 21, 2012 at 1:38 PM

@34, successful men or women aren't putting shit like this on the internet

Cato the Younger Younger on April 21, 2012 at 1:39 PM

jeez.

kristen pawling on April 21, 2012 at 1:55 PM

I really have no clue...I think it's genuine awfulness and not intentional, but you're guess (or lack there of) is as good as mine. But it is awful. Very very awful. Wow.

kristen pawling on April 21, 2012 at 1:57 PM

@26 thank you for this, cannot stop laughing.

Berlin on April 21, 2012 at 1:57 PM

@19, yes. merely bad to many can also mean really great to many (hunger games?). this is america! personally, i think the execution is very poor. but conceptually, her "3 second rule" is (sadly) as intelligent as any other pop song today. i will give her that, and i think she has earned it.

hotholehead on April 21, 2012 at 2:07 PM

I'm chundering in the lift. For which I will eventually be severely reprimanded. Holy crap.

Karlheinz Arschbomber on April 21, 2012 at 2:26 PM

Why is Paula Deen singing and why do those men look like they are open to the possibility of seeing her naked?

brandon on April 21, 2012 at 2:32 PM

Wow. Actually made it a minute in. Really, does the world need another reason to hate Texas? I think not.

@34 It's just the casual sexism you see every day. Another way to think about it is this-- only a man would be so blind & stupid as to encourage his woman to perform such a cultural atrocity. It's like letting her off the hook, hey? Of course I don't see it that way. I think women are perfectly capable of making complete idiots out of themselves w/o any help from a man.

Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on April 21, 2012 at 2:41 PM

This is so yesterday. Seriously Dan, you should always consult with Kelly O before posting. She totally scooped you.

The_Shaved_Bear on April 21, 2012 at 4:04 PM

I have a strong feeling she bankrolled it herself. As for "putting it out" on the Internet, I don't think she did: first time someone sent me the link, it was at Vimeo. When I revisited (I just had to), it had been made private. I suspect it was personal fantasy fulfillment -- and since when is that such a bad thing? -- that got leaked.

shefightslikeagirl on April 21, 2012 at 4:18 PM

I was certain it was genuinely awful up until the helium voice harmonizing at 2:35. Then I didn't know what to think. Then I felt great shame for watching to that point.

Mattini on April 21, 2012 at 4:41 PM

Sincere. Satirists could never muster that many clean-cut guys who can also line dance. There are some hipster types (potential satirists) who can line dance, but they all are a lot more tattooed and hairy.

ohthetrees on April 21, 2012 at 5:26 PM

Like I said on the comments the first time this vid was posted on slog, she removed the video when she got the first wave of "this sucks" responses, but by then it was too late, and others had copied it and re-uploaded it, so she's not even making anything off the fact that this has gone viral, someone else is.

It might have just been a bit of fun for her, but like they say; "it's all fun and games until your really bad video goes viral."

doloresdaphne on April 21, 2012 at 6:23 PM

I'm guessing this is the result of a therapist encouraging her to give her dreams a shot after she's spent a lifetime of putting other people's (children, husband) needs first. And by god, if that's the case, then more power to her.

Also, the assumption that she wants strangers to assess her fuckability (ahem, 5280), simply because she indulged in this little vanity project, makes me despair for humanity. I wouldn't fuck her either, but I also wouldn't presume that she's asking me to.

TVDinner on April 21, 2012 at 6:28 PM

I am surprised and disappointed that you would expend such mean-spirited criticism on a national site toward someone whose greatest crime is lack of talent. You think no one's pointed this post out to her? You owe her an apology, Dan.

Birdie on April 21, 2012 at 7:04 PM

I liked it.

Marrena on April 21, 2012 at 7:29 PM

I'm with Birdie @52.

Dan's response is like putting up a picture of someone unattractive and going, "UGLEEE!!"

Gamebird on April 21, 2012 at 8:09 PM

This is the worst thing I've seen all day.

Grasp how serious this is; I just got done watching the Nostalgia Critic's review of North.

BJ1980 on April 21, 2012 at 8:19 PM

If you skip to the very end, there is a phone number for who I assume produced this.

Use this information only for good.

madcap on April 21, 2012 at 8:46 PM

I'm with Marrena, I'm sympathetic and like it. The dudes are cute. I'm a sucker for country line dancing guys.

Jersey on April 21, 2012 at 8:50 PM

@51 TVDinner, beautifully said. Thank you.

Portlander on April 21, 2012 at 9:10 PM

Dan.

Is pedophilia a mental illness?

on April 21, 2012 at 11:22 PM

@14: whisky!

supergp on April 21, 2012 at 11:43 PM

Please tell me this woman is from The Real Housewives of Dallas. Why hasn't anybody been honest with her? 30 years ago, somebody married this woman because she was hot.

G-man on April 22, 2012 at 12:28 AM

She's enjoying herself and not hurting anyone. Most of you are jackasses.

on April 22, 2012 at 12:54 AM

Yo dog, now that was pitchy.

on April 22, 2012 at 1:47 AM

Heh,

This video is Kryptonite for intellectuals.

(I'm trying to decide if it's red or green.)

Peace.

(Probably red.)

Married in MA on April 22, 2012 at 5:56 AM

We don't always, @35 , in fact, some of us are supposed to wear them a lot.

Also, I'm gonna go claw my eyes out, and rip my ears off, after hearing that.

dagard on April 22, 2012 at 6:38 AM

@7: What trophy would that be? "Participant"?

Like John McCain before her, Rebecca Black has one hell of a lot to answer for.

DMonaghan on April 22, 2012 at 9:05 AM

I liked it. I'd suggest she write to me but the guards won't let me receive mail anymore.

Mrs. Robinson on April 22, 2012 at 9:35 AM

Enough hating! Stop taking life so seriously, let other people have their fun, and for goodness' sake, get your brain outdoors!!!

longtime reader on April 22, 2012 at 9:45 AM

Vanity videos are the worst thing to ever happen to music.

random_lez on April 22, 2012 at 12:41 PM

Just to inject some "fact" into the thread (in quotes because there's no saying the blog is real):
http://www.reverbnation.com/lisagailallr…

-Bankrolled by husband. He sprang for a month vacation in the Mexican beach resort so she could write the songs.

-She started voice lessons 2 years ago.

-She's way into Jesus.

-The videographer charges $2000 for an all-day wedding shoot. I imagine the 8 models, makeup, wardrobe, lighting assistant, and location cost a bit.
http://proeditproductions.com/

-Her vocal coach and producer would appear to be this gent:
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=…

eclexia on April 22, 2012 at 3:07 PM

Dan.

Is pedophilia a mental illness?

on April 22, 2012 at 3:17 PM

#51 - While I agree with your points, she's actually attempting to make it as a commercial artist.

kdorian on April 22, 2012 at 3:35 PM

I think we need to look at each part of this video.

Production value isn't bad. Not big leagues, but good cuts, some synchronization of the dance. The choreography is definitely amateurish. For the production value, I wouldn't expect Glee.

The voice is flat, and I agree with @5, the harmonizing at 2:34 definitely needs work. Audacity has a nice pitch modifier you can use. Some notes are hard to hear.

On the tune- I must admit, I watch it this morning and the tune stuck in my head (the chorus anyway).

On the energy - she's definitely having fun. The cowboys seem to be enjoying the paycheck. More power to both her and the cowboys. I do music videos with my kids, and we do it more for fun. Sort of like being in a play - the players are having a lot more fun than the people watching it..

On the Jesus thing - yea, she definitely seems religious.

Which leads to the genuine criticism/issue with the video - the message. Basically, the messages are: (1) you need to control your man and to do this you need rules, just like high school (!) (2) looking at other women is okay as long as it isn’t too obvious. This would work if you man is, well, in high school and hasn’t learned this by being with a woman for more than 5 minutes in his life. That being said, half of country songs have this theme. See Shania Twain's "Any Man of Mine" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N2k-gv6x…

All in all, fun to watch in a car-wreck sort of way.

bi_and_i_know_it on April 22, 2012 at 7:15 PM

Jeez, it's just fancy karaoke. You don't like it, don't watch it.

Personally, I'd rather make a very bad video than live my life in fear, wanting to but being scared of this kind of judgy meanness. Leave her alone.

agony on April 22, 2012 at 8:00 PM

Filing this one under #strangeritualshearingpeoplehave

Honestly, I'm baffled. 3 minutes 30 seconds to sing about something in 3 seconds? The men all covering up their faces? They stand in front of a rope and turn around? Three seconds to come? Three seconds to what? (No, don't answer.)

BEG on April 22, 2012 at 9:33 PM

I love how so many people jumped to the conclusion that Dan was criticizing her looks or voice. I think she's above-average in looks for a woman her age and while I don't think her voice is anything special, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I assumed that Dan thought the attitude of being able to keep a guy from thinking about fucking other chicks just by making sure he doesn't look at them for more than 3 seconds was the awful part, because that's also the part I find awful.

alguna_rubia on April 22, 2012 at 9:55 PM

The ultimate trophy-wife-with-too-much-time-on-her-hands video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcLrUMxfM…

scsmith21 on April 23, 2012 at 5:40 AM

Whoever said 'cultural atrocity' nailed it. However, as a musician, I'm angry with the audio track producer. He/She totally fucked her over. For what Lisa (and her rich husband) clearly spent, she could have afforded a decent band to do this track. Instead, the unscrupulous producer pocketed all the dough, then computer generated the cheesy Casio-tone track himself instead of doing right by her and spending on local musicians for a studio session.

Am I reading too much into this? Listen to the track again and tell me I'm wrong. Wait. Maybe that's not such a good idea.

Pablo Picasso on April 23, 2012 at 7:52 AM

@77—Yes, Rita Wilson's husband has a much bigger one than Lisa Gail's husband (I'm talking bankroll).

Pablo Picasso on April 23, 2012 at 8:06 AM

What happened to cowboys wearing tight wranglers?! These guys just look sloppy.

maraudingcat on April 23, 2012 at 9:19 AM

It's Courtney Stodden ten years from now!

who cares what I call myself on April 23, 2012 at 11:18 AM

@10 & @46 nailed it. Who's more pathetic, the woman who at least spent some time, money and effort to realize her country-star fantasy, or those who take a few minutes to insult her before going back to Angry Birds? Vanity projects are what they are, wish-fulfillment for the person who does them. Personally, I think they should be encouraged, because 1 in 1000 will turn out to be awesome. Haters like you all just discourage people from TRYING to be creative -- in my book, trying and failing is better than not trying.

danfan on April 23, 2012 at 11:59 AM

p.s. I hope it's not folks like you who get to be Humpfest judges.

danfan on April 23, 2012 at 12:00 PM

Vanity videos don't bother me. She wanted to feel like a music star and paid for it. So what?

I think it's hilarious and, of course, pretty terrible. Someone please forward this to John Waters.

It is a useful tool for exposing how petty and hateful a lot of people can be toward another's idea of letting their freak-flag fly. Critiquing the music/concept/video is fine.

Commenting on how unfuckable she is? Well, some people have never left High School behind have they?

debug on April 23, 2012 at 12:02 PM

Genuine awfulness, nothing artful about it.

pslettelan on April 23, 2012 at 12:37 PM

Somewhere, a sound editor is slowly putting tape on all the windows, and turning on the gas.

geoz on April 23, 2012 at 12:51 PM

Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I guess I've watched too many auditions for American Idol.

Patricia Kayden on April 23, 2012 at 1:00 PM

It's genuine awfulness.

DC Bill on April 23, 2012 at 1:51 PM

I just don't see what's so bad about this. I mean, it's not good, but I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't be any better than this if they tried to make a country music video.

Tern on April 23, 2012 at 2:34 PM

Cankles.

Mango_Kitten on April 23, 2012 at 8:33 PM

another day on Slog.

'cool kid' DannyBoy mocks someone and all the mindless pathetic hangers-on jump on.

in high school it was called bullying.......

on April 24, 2012 at 8:34 AM

She and her husband may both be into Jesus, but I was getting a DEFINITE femdom/cuckold vibe from the whole thing. She makes him turn his eyes away after three seconds, but there she is cavorting with a whole truckload of hot young men, one of them (gasp) black! Not that I would consider that anything notable, but in the culture she's from, absolutely. That along with the obvious fun she was having made me overlook her vocal inadequacies.

Marrena on April 24, 2012 at 9:12 AM

OK, so having read thru the comments here, I'm LMAO. Wow. Well, you know, she looks like she's having fun. Ultimately, I think that's all that matters.

But wow, as some of you said, others have never left high school, have they? Why does the appearance of any woman, under any kind of circumstances, warrant a fuckability rating?

BEG on April 24, 2012 at 2:46 PM

@92 Yeah, my first thought was along those lines: her man (all 8+ of them!) get three seconds to look at an attractive woman, but she gets to dance around with eight moderately attractive younger guys? But I suppose that's just because men, sex-crazed animals that they are, have to be kept on a tight leash to keep them from cheating, amirite?

thecheesegirl on April 24, 2012 at 4:22 PM

Obviously has never herd of Auto-Tune doesn't have a good makeup artists or plastic surgeon on call.

On the plus side this song would work well to disperse a large drunken crowd.

DaytonCub on April 24, 2012 at 6:16 PM

Some videos merely go viral. This one is destined to go bacterial.

Steven Hart on April 25, 2012 at 10:35 AM

I can never unhear that now...

DJLee on April 25, 2012 at 11:27 PM

I'm Not Leaving The House Today

Comments

Please wait...

Add a comment

Preview

More In Music

Song Premiere: “Lose Your Mind” by Cumulus

The Antidote to Soulless Capitalism

Best New Music of the Week

Salami Rose Joe Louis's Dream Pop Makes Catastrophic Ecological Degradation Sound So Good

Kath Bloom’s Radical Intimacy

Don't Hang the Bartender

Editors' Picks

Wanting to Stay

Vote “Approved” on King County’s Crisis Care Centers Levy

Duvall Removes Pride Installation After Extremists Attacked It

What Happened After My Boyfriend Got Sexually Assaulted in the Military

The Downtown Jail Is Overflowing

Is Bellevue Dying?

Popular Articles

Kath Bloom’s Radical Intimacy

Capitol Hill Block Party Highlights

Song Premiere: “Lose Your Mind” by Cumulus

Please Thrill Me

Capitol Hill Block Party Announces Lineup, Scales Back to Two-Day 21+ Festival

Inbox Jukebox

How to Seattle: Music & Nightlife

Support The Stranger

Comments

Please wait...

Add a comment

Preview

More In Music

Editors' Picks

Popular Articles

Just Can't Get Enough?

Sign up for our newsletter for news recaps, updates, and more!