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2. Country folks have hand-carved wooden bells. Bells made of silver are for rich city folks, and the lord baby Jesus will punish them for their wicked vanity in the hereafter.
3. Apparently "Baby It's Cold Outside" was already declared to be harmless rapey fun in a previous Slog poll, but I would point out that "The answer is no" means no.
googletube it, and check the whole holiday medley. It's not awful. I swear.
Dominic is clearly kidding. Why did the bit about Israel make you mad, but the "ethnic cleansing" line seemed totally acceptable to you?
IT'S A GIFT GOD WRAPPED IN GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!
"All I want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" is way more fuckin' annoying than "The First Noel" is warmongering.
So OK agreed- Madonna sux dancing sugar plum fairy dildos, but dude must have a Grinch-y tin ear for grating vocals and unmerry melodies, judging by most of this list.
but da Skrooge made a good call on Jimi's 'Little Drummerboy' aka Mitch Mitchell...
"Happy birthday, Jesus.
First I'd like to start off with an apology
for the millions and millions of us
around the world who carry your name 'Christian.'
So many times, name only, never service,
never anything but name.
And second, I'd like to say how sorry I am
for what we've done to the beautiful world
that your father created.
We've polluted the air, we've poisoned the streams, we've cut down the trees, we've burned the grass, we've killed the animals...."
It goes on and on in so many awesome ways until he ends with, "But anyway, we wanted to take the time out of our busy schedules to wish you a happy birthday!" It is truly the ultimate passive aggressive Christmas song. I have a collection of bizarre Christmas music, but this one beats all.
Comments > article.
Sarah McLachlan's "The First Noel" is actually pretty amazing. (I am NOT a McLachlan cult member, although a couple of songs from "Fumbling Toward Ecstasy" have a special nostalgic place in my heart. I realize that this confession probably disqualifies me from even being allowed to read The Stranger.)
And I think you missed a major opportunity: the new "song" called "I Think You Might Like It" by John Travolta and Olivia Newton John. Holy fuck it's bad.
I submit: Stuck at the Airport by Money Mark off of This Warm December: A Brushfire Holiday Vol. 1.
This song will make you WISH you were stuck at the airport. Especially if you work in a music store, and your boss plays the album all day.
I Youst Go Nuts At Christmas
I see your "Christmas in the Northwest," and I raise you one "Sippin' in Seattle's Latte Land."
if you really want to hear a song that will make you want to slit your throat open try.....
The Little Boy that Santa Cause Forgot....
You have been warned.
The Little Boy that Santa Clause Forgot
2)A "jingle-horse" is a superintelligent equine mutant(created through a combination of genetic engineering and the tragic consequences of above-ground nuclear testing in the Nevada during the 1950's) that writes melodies for advertising songs. A jingle-horse is rumored to have collaborated with Paul McCartney on "Wonderful Christmastime".
MUST WATCH TV and OBEY:
(to the tune of 'O Holy Night')
"Oh Holy Shit
the Learjet's brightly shining"
call in an airstrike on Battlefield Earth
it's an L. Ron Hubbard X-Mass
Quickly-there's no time like Xmass time!
It's not about Christmas at all.
It sounds canned, like in an elevator at the Convention Center!
Okay, now I'm having a hard time deciding which is infinitely
worse---horrid elevator recordings or campy redneck twang?
I declare a tie for Worst Christmas Song Ever:
BOTH Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
and Sippin' in Seattle Latte Land for Worst Place.
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus gets Second Worst Place.
Let us all TRY to forget these horrible, horrible excuses for songs,
and get back to hot chocolate and Christmas cookies!
Is the best Christmas song ever.
Warm fuzzies to all, and to all, a Merry Cat's Mess!
p.s. Did you get your Halloween candy and light bulbs from Kelly O yet?