Music Apr 11, 2013 at 10:36 am


at least now I have something I can use in place of ipecac
I mean, if you just press mute, and ignore Rosie O''s not that bad.
there's no option for "less than a minute."
I was able to hang in there an extra minute by muting the audio. There were so many cute pictures of couples--with their kids, getting married, kissing, and even one with a dog! When those photos got too repetitive, I was out.
@3 nailed it - who could even make it a minute?
I made it all the way through. Ugly boring song, but with a lot of really sweet pictures.
For those of you that bailed, it was incredibly repetitive.

That said, they did manage to get Barney Frank in there near the end, so it has that going for it.
Wow. Now I understand why they couldn't find a drummer.
There are some great shots in here. Someone should do an edit with a different song and the outcome would be great.
Not Steve and Dave
Not Ellen and Jane (?)

I guess it's hard to rhyme "Portia," although Dave and Jane don't rhyme either...

Still, rock out with your cock out, amirite?!?
*Makes devil horns, bangs head*
I made it nearly 40 seconds. I almost bailed after the first chord, but I thought if I concentrated super hard, I might be able to understand a single word the "singer" was moaning. E-lo-CU-tion! And if that wasn't bad enough, he's tone deaf—consistently a quarter-tone flat of the guitar. I suppose it would make a great tune for "enhanced interrogation" playlist at Guantanamo.
Where's the option for <5 seconds?
It's my daughter's 18th birthday today - my final child - and I have decided to avoid negative thoughts today. I vote zero.
If you've watched the first 30, you've seen it all. But do skip ahead to the close and watch it's rather amusing decrescendo.
I need an option for "less than 30 seconds."
As many people have pointed out, without the audio and that one MS Paint picture of a cross, it'd almost be for civic equality. Look at all those happy couples! Looking just as content as their heterosexual counterparts!

Also, the argument seems to be... gay marriage leads to disease... because the gays are so promiscuous... but then wouldn't marriage... help... with tha-

Forget it. I don't need an anyeurism today.
I got through the opening line: "When a man loves a woman/ And a woman loves a man/It's all a part of/God's family plan." Then I noted that this sounded like karaoked Creed. Then I wondered if God had T-Mobile or Verizon. By the time I had done these two things, I had already turned the shit off. And yeah, it was way less than a minute.
<0 that possible? Can I erase the moment I scrolled down, stared at the video clip and pondered what it might hold if watched?

Though the image of two men presumably in love and "just married" is what I'm left with if I don't click on it and don't imagine what the rest looks like... So I settle on 0 minutes. Hooray!
@18 - If we combine our infinitesimal time, can we undo the creation of the video?
This is a write in vote for less than a minute... As soon as Trey Parker started singing "When a man loves a woman" i just couldn't do it...
The "booze" tag was a nice touch.
40 seconds. I bailed after they showed what must have been a Holocaust corpse. Jesus Christ, have these people no shame?
This guy just loves Creed. An of course Jesus. But mostly Creed.
There's no option for "I'm not watching this crap".
@19 Can we! But then...would this comment thread exist? What ripples in time would this create? Would we open a hole into a parallel universe? Would the "me" in this universe be way more awesome than I am? I'm not sure my self-esteem could handle it! Damn you ArtBasketKate!!!
Why is it the X-tian Right Wing always comes off like a Spinal Tap parody whenever they attempt to do/be "cool" to "attract youth" and show "it's cool" to be a repressed reactionary. It's like their attempts at comedy: tin-eared and tone-deaf (to belabor the point).
@20 nailed it. This sounds like a shitty impression of Trey Parker when he's using his "I'm mocking a thing that obviously sucks" voice.
The line about god "bringing you to your knees" just after the minute mark was a little too silly for me
You're cheating yourself if you don't watch the whole thing. It's fucking hilarious. Right down to the random slide of that well known lesbian, Beyoncé, at the end.
A minute and a half. Please pass the ear bleach. The message is of course hateful and bigoted.The singer however, is god awful. Petra Praise or Carmen woulda nailed it. (All I had growing up was Christian music. I know, sad.)
Einstein presenting his Theory of Heterosexual Union was a nice touch.
15 seconds. Think I'm going to go dig up that Australian marriage equality ad showcasing the guy meeting his boyfriend, then the family, his mother's illness, and finally the proposal.
The entire thing.

While this video implies that straight marriage well save someone from death and disease, it sadly is no tonic to prevent the urge to view 5+ minutes of evangelistic opinion. I can never retrieve those minutes. So I shall sooth my ears with a tune called "Blue Collar Jean" by some teens with a very Beetle-ish appearance. Enjoy!
38 seconds...
I ordinarily have some sympathy for this kind of bonehead big-rock power-ballad belting, even when done poorly. But stupid AND wrong - that's just not a good combination. I made it one minute.
I watched the entire thing.

It's vaguely reminiscent of the Parallax Test in the movie The Parallax View:…

@22, yep, the corpse did it for me.
This was made in iMovie.

God Hates Macs.
What does the bible say about the electric guitar?
After my one minute of viewing, I promptly went to listen to Minchin's "Thank You God" and felt much better in my head and ears.…

2:30 and I'm convinced this is some LBC-style Poe Law meta-parody based on the sheer amount of awful.
2:30 and I'm convinced this is some LBC-style Poe's Law meta-parody based on the sheer amount of awful.
That song totally padded its length by essentially starting over after about 4 minutes.

And this is satire. Whether the uploader/creator intended it to be so or not, this is satire.
Duh - all the way to end! How could anyone bail on the sonic bounty of that B.C. Rich Bich run through a Peavey Bandit 112?!

Ah, the early 90s: when zero-talent homophobes didn't have to reckon with their cultural irrelevance. Oh, and Albert Einstein - I had no idea!!
@20, he did sound like Trey Parker doing his bad "Christian Rock" singer voice! Thanks, I needed that. Makes the memory of what I listened to a lot easier to tolerate.

I made it to about 1:45. I also had to stop after the part about God bringing people to their knees. I couldn't help but wonder what the singer might have done to cause God to bring him to his knees. You know, the whole, "He who is without sin cast the first stone," thing. Be careful what you wish for. Who really wants to worship a God who would condemn "His" children to burning in hell for eternity?

Ug, I need a palate cleanser. Maybe I'll watch a good episode of South Park.
I made it all the way through! Just before the 2 minute mark there's a shot of a woman in beige, which confused me, so I hoped it would be clarified later. (It wasn't. Going on upthread: maybe Rosie O'Donnell?) And then there are other random shots of individual women: beige top lady! blond lady! other blond lady! beige top lady again! Beyonce! (Who I'm sure is married to a male person.)

If you make it all the way to the end, you can mock the bad kerning: one of life's small pleasures. And as others have noted, the shots are actually quite touching, if guys-kissing heavy.
As other pointed out... this has to be Matt Parker and Trey Stone. It just has to.

@46 - ha ha ha ha.
@47: But it's awesome because the guy brought to his knees is wearing a zombie costume. And, like, pretty much not remotely selling "I bow before my God" so much as "Someone's Facebook shot from Hallowe'en.
If you can't find more than five minutes of pictures from the internet, then your song is too long.
Hmm. I can watch this bile, or I can watch Steve Earle's "Copperhead Road" video.

Decisions, decisions.
I stopped at the holocaust corpse, don't really need that kind of shit in my day.
spoiler -- it ends with lots of flashing images and then a mushroom cloud set to really bad electric guitar

There - now you don't have to watch!!!!
The option for "21 seconds" is missing...
Didn't click, the comments scared me off. But thanks, Dan, for screening this crap so some of us can learn from your mistakes and avoid repeating them. :-)
So every time someone waves a rainbow flag, Christians (Nazis) kill other Christians (French, British, Gays, Gypsies) and Jews 70 years in the past? The direction of the time arrow is usually drawn the other way.

"If there's a rock n' roll heaven
Well you know they've got a hell of a band"
and they're not letting in any Christian "Rock & Roll" musicians!
@58 Unfortunately for the NALTs, the word 'Christian', in the phrase 'Christian Rock' is synonymous with 'Shitty'.
I watched about four and a half minutes before I had to pause it (someone came into my office). But reading the comments I did go finish it. Oh it just continued to get worse. I watched for a long time with a 'huh, wtf' slack-jawed expression on my face - why, if they are bashing gay people and calling them diseased and burnable, do they show joyous happy pictures? This confused me until I realized that the 'artist' is a complete dumbass.
similar, but much more listenable:…
I'm in favor of banning these guys for life - from the Guitar Center.
About thirty seconds, once I heard the lead-up to "God's plan."

Someone needs to shoot an amateur gay porn set to this song.
@63 - HUMP is coming. What are you doing this weekend?
This song makes me wish I was gay just so I could fuck a dude to it.l
@65 It has been pointed out many times on SLOG that gay sex is a choice.

You could totally choose to fuck a guy to this song.
I made through the whole thing because I was trying to figure out if the Scottish guy was John Barrowman. Thanks to booze, it never occured to me to just rewind.

Am embarrassed to be linked with people who probably approved of this.

Also, I muted it after 10 seconds, because over-the-top Hair-Band music is so 80's.
What a maroon. He picks gay people that EVERYBODY LOVES. Does anybody not like Ellen DeGeneres? And how many albums has Elton John sold? Even Rosie O'Donnell.

Barney Frank, well, the Right demonizes him, but he's still liked by most people who've heard him speak. He's smart and funny and a great guy.

And the shot of the adorable elderly widow!

There wasn't a single shot of leather guys or drag queens; he just picked normal-looking people in their wedding best.
Whew, not that I was ever a fan, but Ted Nugent has really gone downhill.

Other than the Doobie Brothers cover "Jesus is just all right" has there ever been a passible christian rock song?
@68: I had vaguely similar thoughts: "nice looking gay couple"; "those two dudes had better style than the OMOW marriage pic", etc. Then your post summarized my misgivings.

So was this a false-flag operation? Just stupid enough to be plausible.
I had to put that shit up on Youtube. Is the subtitle of this Accidental Sodomy? Cause I feel like that just happened to me.
Oh for eff's sake. WHINING WHILE YOU OCCASIONALLY STRUM A GUITAR IS NOT SINGING, WHOEVER YOU ARE. I don't like the Michael Bolton version of "When a Man Loves a Woman," but at least Mr. Bolton can do more than say "Hey! 'Man' rhymes with 'plan'!" when deciding on lyrics. When I clicked this, I thought it would be offensive, but I didn't realize it would be such a baby's-first-photoshop bore.

You remember that Paul Ryan song with those four singing girls in sixties coifs? I bet even someone who disagreed with every political statement in it would still laugh at the jokes and enjoy the singing and staging. It was a quality piece.
Then I noted that this sounded like karaoked Creed.

You're too generous. I've heard shitty Creed knock-off that didn't sound this hilariously bad. It sounds so much more like Matt and Trey fucking around. I made it through, because was able to look at the cute pictures (although it was a bit creepy with the death pictures). The shitty song was almost as funny as "The storm is coming".
I was the 666th person who bailed after 1 minute. Heh.
Can I just listen to Macklemore's Same Love instead? Will that counteract this crap?
@69 (woo-hoo, better number than #1!): Not a "Christian rock song", but the best damn Christmas folk song EVER:

"The Christians and the Pagans" by Dar Williams.…

As she once said during a live concert, "This song never enjoyed great commercial success, but I understand it's still #1 on the Unitarian charts."
I made it through the whole thing, but only because I was multitasking by painting my nails all sorts of fabulous colors.
@69 "Other than the Doobie Brothers cover "Jesus is just all right" has there ever been a passible christian rock song?"

I have two more:
"Jesus Was Way Cool" by King Missle is good, but may fail the satire test.
"Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum definitely passes muster, and I'd argue that the (in so far as I know, completely hypothetical) instrumental version is even a great rock song.
Made it through the whole thing, but only because the awesome comments pop up in a separate window and I could entertain myself with the thoughts of awesome Savage Love readers.
Like @60 I was waiting for the video to actually make an obvious statement with the pictures and watched the whole thing in awe of its incompetence. If it wasn't for the lyrics I would have no idea what the video was about. It's all weddings and kissing and fire with a dead person thrown in! It's so bad that one could interpret it as a representation of the coming apocalypse where all the LGBT (and loving) people take over the world in a storm of fire.
One minute. I must be stronger than I thought. I hope they make church goers listen to this. It would serve them right.
fuck that. You've heard one sanctimonious Christian rock band, you heard 'em all. Plus, all the ones from your high school days are still writing stuff, and all of the new bands replicate the old bands.

I'd buy that song for people's Christmas presents, but then those guys get royalties. Maybe I could somehow gayify my money.
Whoever that was was singing, but all I heard was Randy Marsh.
God gave the singer the right to condemn others for whom they love. God gave me the right to condemn him for bad singing, bad theology and bad videography. Speaking of which, whoever did the videography is a suppressed self hating homo. Just sayin'.
I saw the poll and decided not to hit play.
40 seconds, but mostly because I was amused by the fact that the song/band sounded enough like a Matt and Trey Parker production that I pretended I was watching South Park and not real life.
I bailed after 38 seconds. It's just horrible noise. Pathetic.
:43 secs and the first :10 were with the mute accidentally on.
As I actually know the couple in the video thumbnail, I'm refusing to even load the shit up because I will just get fucking furious on their behalf.

Please wait...

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