I promise! Hand to heaven! I will do my utmost damnedest this week to steer clear of any fawning over/gushing about/even effingk MENTIONING BenDeLaCreme in any way, so help me Cher. But you DO understand that Ben is kicking drag-queen bootay all OVER that mess that is RuPaul's Drag Race, and she's well on her way to the top three, right? And that the viewing parties hosted by Ben at the Century Ballroom every Monday are a dream come true, right? BEN! BEN! BEN! BEN! Wooooo-hooo! #teamdelacreme forever! I'm such a fucking liar all the time.

THURSDAY 4/3

SWEATY GAYNESS AT REVOLUTION THURSDAYS

In other things: I am really rather fond of the frenetic gay mob scene that happens at the Baltic Room every Thursday night, Revolution Thursdays. The fabulous photo booth (so much fun)! The fabulous music (mostly hiphop and Top 40)! The sweaty hot gayness of it all (mmm, sweaty gayness)! It all began just last July, but it has since morphed into the biggest no-cover gay dance party on the Hill. And did I mention it's FREE? Cheapskate. Hosted by DonnaTella Howe. Baltic Room, 10 pm, free, 21+.

SUNDAY 4/6

GAYDOLF DOES VARIETY

You're familiar with the inimitable queer creature that refers to itself as Gaydolf Hitler, of course. Yes? No? Whatever: He's the flaming multitalented freak who has styled himself as the gay reincarnation of... well, you know. (His real name is Tony!) He's often seen at places like Match Game at Re-bar and such, and tonight he's giving you a little variety show featuring such delightful freaks as Monikke Shame, Supernova Majesty, and Samuel L. JackYouSon (no shit!). The theme is all things France, including "its traditions of tongue-kissing, alleyway romance, swearing, and most of all ubiquitous wine." Narwhal, 8:30 pm, $8, 21+.

MONDAY 4/7

NOTHING ABOUT BEN

Did you know that the flipping AMAZING BenDeLaCreme hosts a RuPaul's Drag Race Season 6 viewing party live every Monday? No, I didn't think so. Century Ballroom, 6 pm, free, 21+. recommended