Greetings, dearest gaymosexuals! Here we are. It's happening. That breathless slide into Pride season/summer in which EVERYTHING HAPPENS ALL AT ONCE. Our agenda will be properly fudgepacked through July, at the very least. On Thursday, SIFF opens AND Central Cinema is hosting the Totally '90s Sing-Along (squeee!), Friday at the Durty Burdy (aka the Eagle, aka Nark's living room) is a stellar Dickslap hosted by sexy, sexy TROUBLE and his biceps a-bulgin' (bulge on, glorious biceps, bulge on!), naughty Lumbertwink is twerking there on Saturday, and Sunday brings us Match Game at Re-bar plus other stuff we'll talk about in a moment. So take your pick.
CINEMATIC SHORTIES!
But let's focus! As much as we might try, we can't dance at every wedding, so let's do something new tonight. Shorty Shorts! A touring queer-bent festival of a few dozen fun and dazzling short films that's all the rage in Portland. (Where?) The festival is in its third year and has a huge following, and I say whatever this "Portland" loves, Seattle can love 20 gayjillion times harder, because FUCK THEM. That's why. So sick of their crap. Rendezvous, 7 pm, $10.
DANCE A LOT AT CATHEDRAL
And the fresh, fresh newness continues! You are increasingly familiar with the drag artiste Amo A Nia, of course—her sometimes-shocking face is becoming a staple of gay nightlife around these shady streets. She and her coconspirator Yani have conjured up a new once-a-monther with a mission: to cultivate a performance space for queer artists in a club atmosphere. Their motto? "Make art. Dance A LOT." Well, FINE. It's called Cathedral, and in the fine tradition of Seattle's once-a-month dance parties (this one is going to happen every third Sunday until further notice, by the by), it shall feature a pleasing roster of superstar resident DJs: Riff-Raff, Jimi Jaxon, and Ozma Otacava of sex.wav. Tonight is the premiere! And you can tell somebody else's grandkids you were there. Kremwerk, 9 pm, $5, 21+.
LA FEMME MAGNIFIQUE PAGEANT
I told you Sunday was busy! But I know exactly where I'll be—guest-judging the thrilling and glamorous 33rd annual La Femme Magnifique pageant at Neighbours (my, we are ending up there a lot these days—so retro!) with our dazzling and beautiful friend (and former pageant winner) Gaysha Starr, and Portland's legendary Darcelle XV. (PORTLAND! AGAIN!) CAN YOU HANDLE THE GLAM? Neighbours, 6 pm, $20, 21+. 
