QUEER INDIE GOTH NIGHT SEX.WAV
Listen here, you weird and adorable queer-mo-sexuals! It's time once again to totally geek out with your total freak out—the latest installment of the carnival of queer/indie/goth (quindie-goth?) perversion known as sex.wav is upon us. As always, it's at the spooky ol' Mercury, and as always, the usual membership requirement shall be waived (and as always, I wish people couldn't smoke in there—cough!—I go home smelling all '90s), however! Please note that the dress code is still alive and kicking. Dress up for it! The amazing human anomalies that attend sex.wav go all the flipping fuck out with their peculiar and astonishing sartorial efforts for the event (see: Monikke Shame, Amo A Nia—really, google image that shit right now), and you don't wanna look like some kind of pathetic Muggle schlub standing around in your Wranglers and Fruit of the Looms. They might just kick your ass. Bitches be scary. With Cherry Sur Bête, Butch Queen, and DJ Ill Camino. Mercury, 9 pm, $5 nonmembers, 21+.
IAN BELL IS TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET
Ian Bell is a greatly funny individual. He's a well-loved actor, director, and prolific producer, this is true, and you will doubtlessly know him from dozens of appearances at big fancy stages like Empty Space Theatre (when it still existed) and the Rep (does it still exist?), and at not so fancy stages (everywhere else, practically), and/or for his ridiculously wonderful Seattle Confidential series. There are even wild rumors that he was somehow the Moneytree Caterpillar way back in the long-ago times. I KNOW! But the most important thing to understand about our dear Mr. Bell is that he is as crazy as a shithouse rat (in the very best way, I assure you), he is more talented than a fire-juggling synchronized swimmer, and he tends to attract similar types into his glorious orbit. This of course brings us to perhaps his most well-known project: the Brown Derby Series! Staring Scott Shoemaker! Ade! Josh Hartvigson! Imogene Love! See my point? Exactly. The whole crazy thing started waaaaaaay back in 1999 with a drag-queened-up live stage reading of Valley of the Dolls, and that shit ain't slowed down since. He picks a theme for the year and presents a series of raucous and hilarious readings pursuant to said theme, featuring the talented freaks mentioned above and, you guessed it, more. Tonight the team tackles perhaps their most challenging subject to date: R. Kelly's hiphop opera, Trapped in the Closet (chapters 1 to 12), and we are promised "love triangle upon love triangle, cliff hanger upon cliff hanger, and guns, guns, GUNS!" Get there early for the best seats. Seriously. Re-bar, 7 pm, $20 cash at the door, 21+, June 5–7. 
