I know! You've been so damn worried! Usually around this time, we are all tits-deep in 'Mo-Wave—the so-called "Pacific Northwest" or whatever's PREMIER queer music fest. Where is it? What's happening? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD? Well, yes, it has, but that's really beside the point. You can rest assured that even though it isn't happening this year in April, as per usual, it will be happening—at a date I have SWORN to keep secret since I don't know it yet. IN THE MEANTIME: Chop Suey and 'Mo-Wave are bringing you something extra-specially spicy to sate your palate—none other than the human tire-fire of "sexually-infused shamelessness" Christeene! Now, if you've seen Christeene before, then you're already girding your loins and licking your lips in anticipation. If you haven't, well. Please don't rely on ME to throw adjectives at you—describing her is like holding a moonbeam in your hand. Like catching a cloud and pinning it down! (Okay, I'll hazard a try: Mate Dina Martina with Jackie Hell, put the offspring in a blender with a bottle of Adderall and a dildo, and voilà!) Chop Suey, 8 pm, $13 adv/$15 DOS, 21+.


AREA 2181

Filth. Filthy, filthy, filth, filth, filth, filth, filth, filth. With DJ Derek Pavone and all the shenanigans you've come to appreciate. Filth, filth. The Eagle, 10 pm, $5, 21+.



You know? I just can't help but look back upon the magical yesterseasons o' yore, when we could root for our hometown girls and cheer them on to draggy glory. I'd ignore the entire show this season if I could, but RuPaul's Drag Race is a little something like crack: You have just a little bit of it, and all your teeth fall out and you spend the rest your life pooping in alleys. Be that as it may, one does need a decent—nay, a PERFECT!—place to watch the damn thing, that's just science. And believe me when I tell you that the boys (and queens) of Sinfinite Events put on a lovely viewing party (my favorite one happening, in fact) at 95 Slide. Yes, 95 Slide! (You know, that place formerly known as the Brass Rail, the Brass Connection, Mr. Paddywacks, Blue, the War Room... the place has had more incarnations than Shirley MacLaine's Hindu cat.) Featuring the talents of Kaleena Markos, James Majesty, and, yes, MORE! Watch it here, or ELSE. (Reservations encouraged.) 95 Slide, 8 pm, free, 21+. recommended