Morrissey: stop trying, start spending more days in bed.
Morrissey: stop trying, start spending more days in bed. XAVI TORRENT VIA GETTY IMAGES

Oh, dear. Morrissey has a new album out November 17 and is on Twitter for the first time ever, tricking people into believing he spent the day in bed when he's actually promoting his new single, which is… not very good (and also, unfortunately, not very surprising that it is not very good).

Doesn’t Morrissey know that it’s way past time to give up trying to matter, comb out the quiff, and call it a day? Guess he didn’t get the memo, which we have published here as his—and your—reminder:

To: Morrissey

From: Everybody

Date: Sometime After Vauxhall and I

Re: Please Stop

Effective immediately, any and all aging, mopey mozzers will refrain from producing new songs with titles like “I Spent The Day In Bed” that hold a glimmer of the old, wry Morrissey we know and love, but then sound like they’ve been clumsily guzzled up and regurgitated into a slipshod collection of out-of-place turntable scratches, embarrassing electric piano riffs, and corny wah-wah pedals (even if they do manage to rhyme the words "emasculation" and "castration").

In addition, they should realize that selling tone-def tour tee shirts saying "Black is how I feel on the inside" with an image of James Baldwin on them, and troublesome anti-immigration stances alienates fans. Even if it’s just "bigmouth strikes again," we never wanted them to be that kind of bigmouth, and stirring up pointless controversy gets old after a while (and for God's sake,
please shut up about the monarchy already).

Finally, any and all aging, mopey mozzers should be aware that just because they’ve joined Twitter to promote their new album, Low In High School, doesn’t suddenly make them relevant again in any way, shape, or form.

We appreciate your cooperation in this matter.