301 years of rock-and-roll legendariness right here.
301 years of rock-and-roll legendariness right here. Lester Black

Mick Jagger hasn't gained an ounce of weight since “(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction”—last night's set finale, of course—hit the charts. Mick Jagger is 76 and coming off heart surgery, yet he is damn near a perpetual motion machine onstage. Mick Jagger is three years older than Donald Trump, yet the Rolling Stones singer covered more ground in last night's two-hour set than the dungheap in the Offal Office has done since stealing the 2016 election. It would not be a stretch to say that even at his advanced age, Mick Jagger could've had his way sexually with 80 percent of the CenturyLink Field crowd—conservative estimate. And Sir Michael Philip Jagger can still sing his petite ass off. He is truly an exemplar of rock-and-roll as an anti-aging agent.

As for the show itself, it sounded better than expected. I'd never experienced a rock group in a stadium of this magnitude, but Keith Richards's and Ronnie Wood's guitars and Charlie Watts's drums rang and slammed loud and clear, and the horn section came through the speakers robustly. Darryl Jones's bass could've been more prominent in the mix and backing vocalists Sasha Allen and Bernard Fowler could've been dialed in louder, but overall the sonics did not disappoint. Nor did the musicians' performances.

It may have been another day at the office for the four core Stones; fact: Charlie is the most nonchalant, poker-faced drummer in the history of music. But you can't say these blokes—whose cumulative age totals 301 years—didn't give most of the 50,000 people what they wanted: a set packed with the band's most familiar and beloved classics. Maybe five of the 19 songs they played could be classified as “deep cuts.” [See setlist below.]

Keiths hair stylist FTW.
Keith's hair stylist FTW. Lester Black

But that's the thing about the Stones: Every fan could construct a different setlist and it would likely rule. If I may quibble here, I was dismayed that Mick and company did zero joints from Their Satanic Majesties Request, Goats Head Soup, Black and Blue, and Emotional Rescue. And no “We Love You”? ~smdh~ Next tour, they should consult with me before hitting the road.

That being said, starting your show with the rebellious alpha-male rocker “Street Fighting Man” is always a winning strategy. Following it with unstoppable party jam “You Got Me Rocking” (the newest song aired, from 1994's Voodoo Lounge) was a nice surprise. The giant screens revealed the four main Stones' visages etched with deep creases, each one a testament to a life steeped in debauchery and the best healthcare millions of pounds can buy to maintain equilibrium.

Micks damaged ticker made a superb comeback.
Mick's damaged ticker made a superb comeback. Lester Black

While Jagger, Wood, and Watts looked lithe and vigorous, Richards looked... not well. But when the time came for the Stones' main musical force to deliver lethal licks, he executed them economically. Case in point: During “Sympathy for the Devil,” Keith suddenly exploded with power chords that, in conjunction with the blitzing lights, felt like a mass orgasm. Those excellent “WOO WOO”s didn't hurt the feeling that this tune—which sounded funkier here than on Beggars Banquet—was the climax of the night.

Or perhaps that honor should go to savage blues-rocker “Midnight Rambler.” With Jagger on harmonica, the song was as flinty and menacing as ever, and the Stones extended it with a vengeance, moving from strength to strength, including a Mick vocal improv interlude at the 50-yard line section of the stage. It was quite the show-stopper...

I shouted out, who killed Jeffrey Epstein?
"I shouted out, who killed Jeffrey Epstein?" Lester Black

Speaking of show-stopping, Jagger drew some stunned laughter with this bit of between-song banter. "Oh we love Seattle! So many great restaurants! I was out earlier looking for some Dick's. Someone steered us towards Pony. We ended up with some geoduck instead." Legendary!

The Stones encored with “Gimme Shelter” and “Satisfaction,” choices as predictable as a 5-star Jann Wenner review of a Mick Jagger solo album. And yeah, they duly slayed, even though you've heard these songs hundreds of times. Ultimately, we came for a honkin' nostalgia wallow, and we went away as happy as Trumps in grift. “Heaven” can wait.

Street Fighting Man
You Got Me Rocking
Tumbling Dice
Beast of Burden
(by request)
You Can't Always Get What You Want
2120 South Michigan Avenue
B-Stage / Acoustic:
Sweet Virginia
Dead Flowers
Sympathy for the Devil
Honky Tonk Women
(followed by band introductions)
You Got the Silver
(Keith Richards on lead vocals)
Before They Make Me Run
(Keith Richards on lead vocals)
Miss You
Midnight Rambler
Paint It Black
Start Me Up
Jumpin' Jack Flash
Brown Sugar

Gimme Shelter
(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction