Music Feb 24, 2011 at 4:00 am

Queen of the Lizards

In the Valley of the 14-Year-Old Hookers

Paul Constant
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Comments

1
This is a pretty amazing review of such a banal pop 'phenomenon'. Thanks, Paul.
laterite on February 23, 2011 at 4:32 PM Report this
2
You're just jealous.

Look, it's not your scene. Nothing wrong with admitting that, but if you have a fondness for autotuned voiced cali girl drug/surf lyrics and have ever been a Burner, you get what she's doing.

A lot more understandable than Kanye is most days, even if he's also ten times as creative as she is.
Will in Seattle on February 23, 2011 at 4:51 PM Report this
3
Thank god for party girls, I love them, and I always will.
seandr on February 23, 2011 at 4:58 PM Report this
4
if this is real, what the fuck.
polar_moose on February 23, 2011 at 5:04 PM Report this
5
@2 - It's nobody's scene.

I'm old and male, but I can appreciate an artist who's emphatically not performing for the benefit of my market segment, like, say, Gaga. Gaga is commercial, but she has musical talent and appears to be genuinely a little bizarre and sincere in what she's putting out. Don't love her music, but I appreciate what she's doing.

Ke$ha, on the other hand, is untalented and unoriginal. She can't sing or even dance (did you see the Saturday Night Live performance - yikes on both counts). When she opens her mouth, she makes Britney Spears sound like [insert name of someone much smarter than Britney Spears here].

Whenever I see or hear Ke$ha, I imagine a record executive woke up one morning and asked his people to find a non-descript blond woman who was highly suggestible and not so talented or beautiful as to revolt against him the way Christina Aguilera did to Steve Kurtz.

I'd call it mission accomplished. Now if you'll excluse me, I'm going to go try to blow Tik Tok out of my head with a .357 Magnum.
Centrists Rule the World today on February 23, 2011 at 5:10 PM Report this
6
@4: Yeah, I had to stop and remind myself a couple of times through this that this was an actual thing that actually happened, and not some weird scene from a William Gibson novel or something.
Ben on February 23, 2011 at 5:24 PM Report this
7
I much prefer her earlier stuff (why yes, I WAS really into Jewel in high school!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_Wof32u1…
Jessica on February 23, 2011 at 5:48 PM Report this
8
That blonde girl you described sounds exactly like someone I went to highschool with. Always on something.
A Concerned Parent on February 23, 2011 at 5:49 PM Report this
9
@5: Dance moves? Singing? As someone with a tween daughter, I can assure you that you've completely and utterly missed the entire fucking point of Ke$ha.

Ke$ha is the big sister of one of your friends who passes you your first joint, explains what a blow job is and how to give one, takes you to your first rock concert, and teaches you how to look sexy.

She's the cool girl who takes you, the shy girl, under her wing and shows you how to break the rules, let go, and have fun.

She's the friend who get's you into clubs for free, always knows where the party is, and always keeps things interesting.

She embodies this persona better than any other performer I'm aware of. And comparing her to Lady Gaga? That makes about as much sense as comparing her to Led Zeppelin.
seandr on February 23, 2011 at 6:17 PM Report this
10
This is about 5 bazillion times better than the retardo Kesha story written in the Seattle Weekly last week.
on February 23, 2011 at 6:18 PM Report this
11
Great write up Paul!
biju on February 23, 2011 at 6:53 PM Report this
12
@8 you went to high school with a blonde girl who took lots of drugs? weeeeeird.
olive on February 23, 2011 at 7:55 PM Report this
13
@9 - Interesting perspective. I suppose Ke$ha could be that slightly safe version of wild.

Your daughter's just a construct you're using to prove a point, right? She doesn't exist, she's not listening to Ke$ha?

I swear I lose IQ points every time I put that dollar sign in her name.
Centrists Rule the World today on February 23, 2011 at 8:11 PM Report this
14
The most suspicious thing to me is, she doesn't seem to be able to act wasted convincingly.
Fistique on February 23, 2011 at 8:58 PM Report this
15
I swear I much prefer Ke$ha over Katy Perry. Ke$ha be artistically worthless, but she's at least genuine.
wockyjockey on February 23, 2011 at 9:18 PM Report this
16
a w e s o m e.
Cold Minnesotan on February 23, 2011 at 9:35 PM Report this
17
@13: My actual, real, not-quite-10-years-old daughter came home from a sleep-over birthday party a few weeks ago and was all of the sudden into Ke$ha.

Otherwise, I promise you I wouldn't even know who the fuck she is, nor would I have bothered listening to her to figure out her appeal. I'm a middle-aged man, for Christ's sake.

P.S. Paul, I actually loved this review.

seandr on February 23, 2011 at 11:04 PM Report this
18
beautiful writing. i loved it!
dangerousgift on February 23, 2011 at 11:47 PM Report this
19
Oh, and now I bet you're going to tell me that Dick Cheney isn't a lizard person as well.
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on February 24, 2011 at 12:01 AM Report this
20
There's a wave of shameless music coming out and I'm not against it.

Beardo is fucking awesome. There's a million mother fuckers out there who AREN'T like him... so let him be that one in a million.

Look at Kesha as FAST FOOD MUSIC. Sometimes you'd rather have something wrapped in paper than served on good china. I don't listen to her music, but I watch it. Unapolagetically.

Billy the Fridge on February 24, 2011 at 5:29 AM Report this
21
Hey Paul. STOP TAKING WRITING TIPS FROM MUDEDE. Ending a review of a pop concert with an economic commentary is pretentious and asinine (i.e. Mudede-ish). Not to mention the fact that this review makes you sound like a cranky old man (i.e. Mudede-ish).
jambalaya on February 24, 2011 at 9:07 AM Report this
22
Paul, you're my favorite. Fact.
bearseatbeats on February 24, 2011 at 9:13 AM Report this
23
a beautiful piece of writing

really, really loved it
Thyme on February 24, 2011 at 11:21 AM Report this
24
I agree with #20. So much of what's considered good music these days puts me to sleep. I want to listen to something upbeat, fun, and obnoxious. Not Ke$ha, but girl bands with that same trashy punk attitude.

virginia mason on February 24, 2011 at 11:30 AM Report this
25
This review makes me glad I missed KeUSha in favor of PUSAFEST. There's no replacement for real rock music.
suddenlyorcas on February 24, 2011 at 12:37 PM Report this
27
Great review, Paul. I could give two craps about Ke$ha and her genre, but dammit, your review made me wish I'd been sitting in the back of the empty bar, sipping a champagne cocktail, in ear plugs and sunglasses.
procupcake on February 24, 2011 at 1:49 PM Report this
28
Ke$ha makes my sphincter spazm.
kerfuffle on February 24, 2011 at 3:46 PM Report this
29
Paul, great writing. Keep it up.
on February 24, 2011 at 10:49 PM Report this
30
Great review. My little sister (12) is going through a Kesha phase at the moment, and I've had to ban her from playing it except through headphones. Luckily its generally too cold here for her to copy the outfits much.
duckgirlie on February 25, 2011 at 8:04 AM Report this
31
Paul, thank you for this disturbing yet curiously fascinating article. When I was 14, Britney was all the rage, with her innocent songs about lovey-love, she was hardly threatening. She definitely wasn't throwing condoms around to her fans. I like to think of myself as quite open-minded, but encouraging young teens to have sex is not A-okay in my book. Kids these days are not more evolved as their parents like to think they are - they're simply ballsier and have less to lose. They're too eager to "grow up" so what we get is children is adult's bodies, unable to handle the real responsibilities that go with it. Kesha is simply capitalizing on their dreams of what they aren't but wish to be: grown-up, successful, sexually active, and "empowered", because you know, that's what they've read in magazines. Yet, in the process of this faux-empowerment, they are misunderstood and at risk for sexual assault by men who wish to take advantage of their naive trust. It is sad that even now little girls still feel the need to Princessify themselves, parade around as sluts, in order to "prove" themselves as feminine. Ugh. And even more disturbing is the parents who allow this. Since I had no idea who Kesha was, I Googled her, and according to her Wiki, her look is inspired by A Clockwork Orange.

Hmm. Well, at least she reads, right?

on February 25, 2011 at 9:21 AM Report this
32
Hmm, I think I just figured who's video it was I saw the other day while waiting in line at some mall store. It had a blond girl trying way too hard to be edgy, dumping muck on top of head and spitting/drooling all over herself.
Emde on February 25, 2011 at 5:11 PM Report this
33
Absolutely inspired writing. This is like something out of Revelations.
on February 26, 2011 at 10:54 AM Report this
34
you never said what venuuue
on February 26, 2011 at 3:06 PM Report this
35
I can't imagine why that top image is so popular, what with it looking like there's about a dozen men just outside the frame showering her with... glitter.
Knat on February 27, 2011 at 1:42 AM Report this
36
Such an incredible review, Paul! You are awesome. Thanks for going so we don't have to.
Canadian Nurse on February 27, 2011 at 1:54 PM Report this
37
Great Review. Super Funny.
on February 27, 2011 at 2:35 PM Report this
38
Yeah @5,

I don't think you understand scenes. Even if Ke$ha is exactly as you describe her, she can still be a scene to the people that are like her. Don't forget that you are elitist!
Fenrox on February 28, 2011 at 12:14 PM Report this
39
What a bunch of retarded fucking retards looking up to the head fucking retard. This whole article is fucking retarded. Retards.
on March 2, 2011 at 12:24 AM Report this
40
Why waste time writing about this when every day excellent musicians are forced out of this city for economic reasons? Cover some local music and play a part in the success of people you pass on the street every day.
on March 3, 2011 at 2:32 AM Report this

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