SpecsOne told me: “You become either a hermit or an asshole.”

A couple months ago, my lovely sis Alana Belle (you might know her from the Loops for Lovers Collective) invited me to talk to her class at Seattle Academy. It was mostly them asking me questions about myself and what I thought, which was disorienting at first, but they were all so sharp, curious, open. One asked me if I had any regrets, and apparently I told them this: "I may regret bad lyrics, bad fits, and bad hair—but I don't regret who I am today."

Around this time a year ago, I was already (not just) knee-deep in a funk worthy of a Pedro Bell canvas. Somehow, in the wilds of 2014, I'd allowed myself to fall into believing that I was my job—something I never, ever did in a decade or so of happy freelance functioning—and with that over, had lost some sense of self. You ever do some shit like that? Over a job? A fuckin' haircut? A relationship? (Dumbass.) So a great deal of 2015 was all about reorganizing, getting me back—and as such, some of it really sucked. But as it always has when I've needed it most, things came together—and I gotta say I feel a fuck-ton better about my life than I did exactly a year ago. So I don't regret a lick of it. Not that you asked!

So, I regret being a glum bastard at the beginning of this year and probably an emotional goddamn burden on my friends—to whom I'm enormously thankful for keeping me sane and laughing. I regret not going out to like 1,000,001 shows... eh, mostly. I don't regret keeping in the energy I need to live, to keep loving my loved ones. Still, some of my loved ones probably would've appreciated my presence a few more times, especially those times I said I would—and I regret that I haven't always showed up, physically, emotionally, etc.

(I regret using "I" so many times in my column, in my thoughts, in my life. I regret writing off Kendrick's "i" the first time I heard it—but you know damn well the album version is better.)

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I regret that I haven't always done what Young Thug said to do in the first song of his I ever heard—that is "Keep in Touch." I guess I never forgot what SpecsOne told me that one time: "You become either a hermit or an asshole." Me, I came to the fork in the road and went straight. I don't regret putting OG Specs and Jeffrey Williams in the same paragraph that I quote Cappadonna in—in fact, I revel in it, even if no one else does. Anyway, go listen to the first guy's first new rap in a minute, "Golden Eagle."

I regret that I still can't take a compliment, but I appreciate all the nice things y'all say—including my editor, whose patience is another thing I appreciate. And I gotta say: I don't regret still being here. Thanks for doing the same. recommended