We Missed the End of the World/Magnolia/ Sat Jan 1/3:15 pm: An apartment manager of a building on West Commodore Way called the police when he found a suspicious-looking eight-inch metal pipe with a burnt core. It was, the police later determined, a homemade bomb that had been detonated on New Year's Eve. So Mayor Schell was right! There actually was a bomb attack, except no one was there to witness it. Everyone was looking at the Space Needle when the end of the world happened, here in this small corner of Magnolia.
Same Old, Same Old/Downtown/Sun Jan 9/ 5:40 am: Early today, Officer Monner and his partner were dispatched to the 200 block of Stewart to investigate a robbery. When they arrived, they contacted a white women whose nose was bleeding. She told them that she had been walking eastbound on Second Ave, when a black man started walking next to her and asked if she wanted to buy some crack. She told the dealer, "No!" He responded by calling her a "white bitch!" She called him a "stupid nigger!" He called her a "stupid white bitch!" and then, well, you know the rest of the story.
The Great Candy Con/West Seattle/Fri Jan 21/10:00 pm: Officer Yun Choi couldn't believe his ears when he was informed by a television reporter that kids were selling candy for money in front of a West Seattle Hollywood Video. The reporter had been working on this big story for some time, trying to expose unscrupulous adults who use clueless kids to sell expensive candy. "They make money for themselves," said the outraged reporter to the appalled officer. "This scam," he went on to say, "[is] a violation of the youth labor laws." Now that he had done his job, and even videotaped two kids selling expensive candy, it was up to the officer to do his job, to investigate this heinous crime and make some arrests.Officer Yun Choi snapped into action and located the videotaped children near a McDonald's in Westwood Village. They informed him that the man behind this candy scam was none other than their uncle! When later contacted, the uncle in question claimed that he was with "Teens in Business," which is "a program that keeps kids off the streets" (and in front of video stores, one gathers). He showed the officer his City of Seattle permit, and stated that he got the candy from the people who run the program. But the reporting officer was still suspicious of the uncle because "he was unable to provide any further evidence." Watch King 5 News to learn more about this breaking story!
The Wrong Turn/Downtown/Fri Jan 28/10:00 pm:
A man who made an illegal lane change on First Ave was stopped by Officer Evenson. When the officer asked to see the man's driver's license, he said he didn't have one, and instead offered a social security number. Sensing that a bigger crime was at hand, Officer Evenson sent the information on this card to the INS, who soon determined that the man had not only made an illegal lane change, but was also an illegal alien. He was then taken into custody by INS Agent Sebens and transported to the INS facility on Airport Way, where he will spend his final days in the United States of America. This is the saddest story I have ever written.
The Invisible Man/Sandpoint/Sat Jan 29/ 12:10 pm: According to this report, some unknown person(s) have stolen the identity of a Sandpoint Way man via the Internet. This is all the report says: "His identity was stolen." Whether or not there's another identity the nameless man can borrow for the time being is not stated; nor do we know what these "unknown person(s)" are doing with his stolen identity (Having cybersex? Breaking into a cyberbank?). All Officer Taffy L. Gamble (the reporting officer) says is that a Sandpoint Way man no longer has his identity.
