Sex, Drugs, and the Babysitter/Downtown/ Sat Feb 5/5 am: Her side of the story: Early in the morning, a friend stopped by a woman's house claiming to know where they could get high for free. The man took her to an apartment rented by a mom and pop with two kids. After the friend introduced everyone, they all began to smoke crack. The kids were asleep in the bedroom. When all were high, Pop made this offer: If he could have sex with the woman regularly, he would let her live with his happy family, providing her with all the crack she could ever want. Mom, who had just taken a hit from the pipe, said that she too wanted regular sex service from the woman if she decided to stay. Though the guest was high, she was not high enough to accept this offer. Mom then made another proposal: Since the woman was so "cute," would she be willing to take her 12-year-old son's virginity? Appalled by this suggestion, the woman left the apartment and called the cops.

Mom and Pop's version: Early in the morning, Mom and Pop (who recently moved to Seattle from Wenatchee) met the woman (who is 30 years old and looks "trustworthy and nice") in the lobby of their apartment building. After light talk about the weather and such, the woman explained to them that she was going through hard times, and desperately needed a job. Concerned, Mom and Pop suggested that she become their babysitter. The young woman responded with a tepid "maybe." Hoping to persuade her, Mom and Pop invited her to their apartment to meet the kids. She met the kids, had a snack, and then left.

What the cop saw: Though Officer R. Ellis was moved by Pop's tears as he told his side of the sad story ("How could she say such awful things?" he wondered), what really impressed him was that Mom's "recollection of the incident appeared sincere and believable and exact each time she told the story to officers." Officer Ellis also checked on the kids and found them to be "bright and healthy," definitely not the sort you'd expect to find in a home ruled by sex fiends and drug addicts. In the end, the officer decided to make no arrests, and the fragile family was allowed to remain intact.

Taxi War/Downtown/Sat Feb 5/4:42 pm: A bellman at a posh downtown hotel was assisting three woman into a taxi cab, when a black Lincoln Town Car skidded to a halt near the ladies. The Town Car driver approached the women, and said he'd take them to their destination for less than the cab would. Incensed, the bellman told the bold driver that the ladies were happy with the cab, and didn't need any help. The driver glared at the bellman and thundered, "I'll kill you and I'll kill you and [in fact] I'm gonna kill you!" Mad, charged, and murderous, the driver got into his empty Town Car and sped off to another hotel. The bellman filed a police report because just two weeks ago, a "cab driver vs. cab driver shooting" occurred in Seattle, and he didn't want to become a victim of this escalating "taxi war."

The Only Way to Die/Queen Anne/Sun Feb 6/4:20 pm: A man called the police from a parking lot and said he wanted to kill himself "in front of a car." When the cops arrived at the parking lot, he told them that he had done this before, but had only managed to severely mangle his legs. You see, killing oneself in this way is not as reliable (and as glamorous) as, say, throwing oneself in front of a speeding train, as Anna Karenina did in that famous novel by Leo Tolstoy. So many things can go wrong: The car may be too slow and have great brakes, or the point of impact may fall in the wrong place on the body. But this time, he assured the cops that he had it all worked out. There would be no mistakes and no life after the speeding car hit him. The cops dragged the man's sorry ass to Harborview Medical Center for a mental evaluation.