Paper and Salsa House/Rainier Beach/Sat Nov 23/7:30-10:45 pm: According to this report, authored by Officer Todd Morrell, "a woman returned home tonight at 11:45 pm and found her home covered in toilet paper. Further investigation revealed that salsa had been dumped on much of the toilet paper.... The suspect is unknown." Someone in our city, someone we may even call our friend, committed this primitive crime. Who is it?
The Price of Companionship/Lake Union/Sun Nov 24/2:45 am: Tonight, a man who owns one of those fancy houseboats on the murky waters of Lake Union explained to Officer Gleason that earlier that evening he happened to find an escort service on a website while surfing the Internet. He called and requested that "a woman come to his houseboat for companionship." A woman came to the houseboat and he paid her $250. The houseboat owner claimed that he just wanted her company and conversation for one hour, which is what $250 usually buys. For reasons he failed to clearly explain, long before the hour was up, an argument ensued and the woman hit him with her cell phone and bit him on the arm. The woman then left. The houseboat owner wanted to know if the Seattle Police Department could help him get his 250 bucks back, as the woman failed to supply him with his hour's worth. Officer Gleason stated that both police assistance and the recovery of his money were highly unlikely. The conscientious Officer Gleason, however, promised the houseboat owner that he would write an assault report.
Routine Death/Yesler Terrace/Sat Nov 23/11:18 pm: Tonight a complainant called the police to report that there was a man hanging behind a Yesler Terrace maintenance building. The routine went like this: Officer Ortiz arrived five minutes after the call and located an Asian male possibly in his 50s, wearing glasses, a green jacket, black shirt, blue pants, and brown shoes, with a cable around his neck. He hung on a fence post, approximately 24-30 inches from the ground. Officer Ortiz's partner, Officer Washington, photographed the scene and later sketched it. The Seattle Fire Department responded and declared the male "DOA." The medical examiner was called and responded at 12:20 am. The ME assumed custody of the corpse and transported it from the scene where its soul departed. The extinct male left no identification, but the ME found in a pocket a credit card receipt belonging to the person whose life once took the form of what was now dead.
