Okay, we're smashed NOW. Let's just toss that out their, right out in the open. We don't normally pull the paper together like this, impaired like this, although we like to joke about it sometimes. But this time s'tru. Because this is no ordinery time. So This is what it looks like when you got drunk writers, drunk copy editers, drunk layout people puling a paper together. Drunk, drunk, drunk. We all shitfaced, yo.

Okay, so our point person returned to the office near 9:00, from the Westin Hotle in downtown Seattlee and the Cha-Cha and Chop Suey, where we'd hung out, hoping for better news than what we got. Which is that Bush is up and defying the day's earilier prick-tease exit polls that had Kerry winning.

At 9 we we're still crossing our fingers about Miami-Dade county, FLA. which could save Kerry \...and we did se some polls earlier in the day which showed that Kerry was kicking Bush's ass there....especially among new voters and women voters. But that's our hope against hope. Really seems to be RED everywhere except Pennsylvania.

But, hey, we did get some solid gold good news at 9:05--which had early poll results on the anti-monorail initiative. The bullshit monorail "recall" was losing by a huge margin at press time, 62-whatever, crushed in Seattle by pro-rapid transit voterrs. Pro-monorail madman Peter Sherwin and campaign manager for the pro-monorail anti-I-83 campaign, George Allen, get up on the little stage...8 feet by 8 feet... at the party at the Seattle glass-blowing studio in Belltown...and they stopped the music ("Tainted Love"). Sherwin said: "The monorail has always been behind in the [conservative] first absentee counts... tonight is the exception... we have 62 percent no." It's 2 to 1 pro-monorail!

The food at the glass blowing sstudio included meatballs, wieners, and barbecue sauce. And a huge plate of salami and cheese cubes. The mood was jubilant. City council pro-monorail member Peter Steinbrueck was there... 100 people at least.

Pro-monorail campaign chief Allen says: "What this means is"...but then our reporter can't read what she wrote...

Otherwise, soon enough, we're absolutely depressed. Dem Gov candidate Christine Gregoire is losing to Rossi, which earned a glum sigh at the boring official Democrats party at the Westin where you had to buy drinks by first buying expensive drink tickets, which was bullshit. And you had to listen to some telescreen interview with mayor Greg Nickels who's gained so much weight he looks like Ariel Sharon dipped in goose fat and shaved coconut.

And just now (9:15 pm), we get the fatal report from one crestfallen Stranger Dept. of Homeland Security member that the pro-Kerry tilt in Miami-Dade county isn't enough to save Kerry's ass. Bush is still up statewide at 54 to 46, which seems to mean that Bush is going to be president for another four years and wage his ownership society rich people giveaway Supreme Court hell war society for four more years wars. Everybody's sad and maybe going to get some food.

It's 9:25 now. And we do get some bonafide good news... Gregoiire is up 50 to 47 over Rossi--which gets a cheer at the absolutely packed Stranger Election Night Party at Chop Suey, where so many people are getting so shit faced that the bar is actually--no shit--running out of booze. People are lined up around the block to get into a party that couldn't be more depressing if the place were on fire.

And also... shit... and state legislative candidate Brain Weinstien--our favorite Jewish lefty on the East side--is beating longtime public transit obstructionist Republican Jim Horn. (Hey, it's only a state legistlature race, but on this night November 2, 2004 any good news is good news...)

More bad news: Republican Reichert 52, Democrat Ross 46.

Back to the historic Bush Kerry thing...

At 10ish we're still hoping for Ohio. Desperate Dems back at the Westin are pretending Kerry has a chance saying that the big Dem precincts in Ohio haven't come in yet. But, we just talked to Greg Rodriguez, the King County Democratic Chair, and he... says "It looks like we're going to lose, I'm going to go commiserate with the Kerry people..." This is at 9:30 pm. And guesss fucking what: At a little bit after 10pm we've got some Ohio numbers. While the Democratic stronghold (Cleveland's Cuyahoga County) goes 66 Kerry to 44 Bush... the state is going 51 Bush to 49 Kerry. This is with about 90 percent of the precincts reporting. A Stranger reporter calls in and asks, "Did Ohio just go for Bush? Fuck. Sorry."

At around the same time two dozen people dressed up as clowns walk in to the Chop Suey election night "party"...clowns for Kerry... The clowns are cheering "Kerry Kerry Kerry!" The bouncers make them go home. Clowns for Kerry. They stand outside and chant: "More clowns in power..."

Meanwhile over in Lower Queen Anne, at another desperate pro-Kerry party at the Mirabeau room, it's also packed... insane mad hipster scene with hipsters talking like New Republic Crossfire wonks about Ohio, Ohio, Ohio. A local music manager and local music scenester, Kerri (no relation) Harrop, gets on stage and says: "I shed some tears in the bathroom I'm not even drunk yet..." Former NYT rock critic Ann Powers walks in. Sober? Maybe. Who knows.

Back at Chop Suey someone says: "See you at the after-party..." And their friend says: "More like the after-mass-suicide."

Back here at the Stranger Dept. of Homeland Security offices our field reporters are returning, quiet and sad and talking about the Supreme Court and saying only: "At least the monorail recall is getting crushed." Or: "Hmm? Gregoire's only up 49 to 48."

Where's that silver lining again? Oh, yeah! At least the anti-monorail initiative (which The Stranger has bashed and bashed and bashed for weeks now) is getting crushed! Going down 62-37, and taking all of Martin Selig's beautiful money with it. "I'll take it," on Stranger staffer offers. "I'd swap it," another adds glumly. It's 10:35 now.

Goddam Bush: A federal constitutional amendment against gays (to go along with the 11 state anti-gay amendments that appeer to be pasing tonoight), 44 million uninsured Americans, no connection to al Qaeda, $139 billion drug-industry windfall, 1.8 million lost jobs, falling middle class wages, over 50 percent of the tax cut to the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans, Got WMD Yet?, 1122 U.S. killed in Iraq (100,000 Iraqis), and a sitting duck Supreme Court.

At 10:45 at the Chop Suey, about 300 folks are still milling around and nobody's watching the TV anymore. All talk is "Moving to Canada" and "fuck Ohio" "No, no, no" ...and conspiracy theories.

Over at the Mirabeau, the 300-plus dwindles to about 200 (mostly folks hugging and some crying) as the crushing Ohio results continued to solidify a Bush win. Matthew Parker, a handsome guy with a bob haircut, who works at the Mirabeau, says: "If Bush wins, there oughta bombs, riots in the street, all that shit."