Who You Gonna Call?/Beacon Hill/Sat Oct 28/10:35 pm: Officer Osburn reports: "[A woman] called 911 for assistance getting into her locked apartment. I contacted her and transported her to her apartment complex in order to assist her. As I routinely do when transporting somebody in the back of my patrol vehicle, I ran her name via my MDC. I found this warrant in the system: FELONY WARRANT $5050 FRAUD/IDENTITY THEFT. I had it verified and placed the woman into custody. I then transported her to King County Jail, where she was booked. The arrest was screened by Sergeant Strand."

We Know You/Central District/Fri Oct 27/5:03 pm: Officer Richey reports: "... She then ran into a grocery store. My partner knows the suspect from previous contacts and knows she is trespassed from this location. When I looked into the grocery store, I saw the suspect hiding behind an aisle, peeking over the top at me. I entered the store and the suspect attempted to run out the back door but was unable to do so. I made contact with the suspect and ran her name, which came back with a FELONY ESCAPE WARRANT. I placed her into custody and transported her to the East Precinct. I screened the arrest with Sergeant Guballa." What a wonderful name for a police sergeant! So full, so ripe, so lusty: Sergeant Goobaahlah.

No Place to Hide/Capitol Hill/Fri Oct 27/12:05 pm: Officer Stankiewicz reports: "I observed suspect attempt to enter a location on Belmont Avenue. I had previous knowledge that the suspect had an outstanding warrant for his arrest. As I attempted to turn my vehicle around to contact him, he had gained entry to the building. I parked my vehicle in an area where I was able to observe the front of the building and approximately 10 minutes later observed suspect exit the building and start walking southbound on Belmont Avenue. I pulled up and contacted the suspect. He said, 'I know I've got that warrant but I was going to get it taken care of next week!' I placed suspect under arrest and during a search located a small clear Ziploc-style baggie that contained on orange pill with a Mitsubishi logo on one side and a yellow pill with a Mercedes logo on one side. I suspected Ecstasy/MDMA. I transported suspect to the East Precinct. Incident and arrest were screened by Sergeant V. Guballa." Again that wonderful name, which cannot belong to a thin man, to a man who counts his pennies, who has a carefully managed savings account—such a man deserves the name Sergeant Strand. A man named Goobaahlah is the very opposite; he is a lover of rich foods, of wine and chocolates, and is on the heavy side yet light on his feet. The manner and size of this full-lipped man recalls the villain in Wilkie Collins's The Woman in White, Count Fosco, who liked mice to run up and down the continent of his body.

In the middle of this severe system of law enforcement sits soft Sergeant Goobaahlah, with a family of mice running up and down his body, screening and processing arrests, as his mouth chews a thick and dark ball of chocolate.