Well That's Comforting. Clarence Thomas's wife joins the Tea Party.

Plus, She Has Super Pretty Hair! Facebook group "Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom!" hits 250,000 members.

That Seems Like a Good Life Plan: "I know he loves me...and I will love John Edwards till death do us part" says Edwards's babymamma with a straight face.

It's Like the No Child Left Behind Version of No Child Left Behind! Obama plans to overhaul education legislation. "Under these guidelines, schools that achieve excellence or show real progress will be rewarded, and local districts will be encouraged to commit to change in schools that are clearly letting their students down."

Vroooom! Engineers fail to replicate stuck gas pedal on rogue Prius.

Bliiiiink! Antigovernment protestors shut down Bangkok, aiming "to disrupt the functioning of government for as long as possible in the hope that the prime minister blinks."

I Can't Wait Until We Get to Hate the French Again! Leftist parties sweep French elections.

Frowny-Face. American couple shot leaving a party in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico. "The information we have indicates they were specific targets, but the motives behind the attack are not yet known," says an official.

In Other News, Hamburgers Are Delicious. Fox News finally notices that Glenn Beck is a fucking lunatic. "They're right on the cusp of losing their image as a news organization."

He Bought Them. With Money. Investigators look into where Corey Haim got his drugs.

I Do Not Know Who These People Are. Some girl person is dating some boy person.

Peter Graves, RIP. I hope there's unlimited whacking material in heaven.