It's Like a Giant Mud Tampon, See? We did it! We did it! We stopped the oil leak! Maybe! "The 'top kill' effort, launched Wednesday afternoon by industry and government engineers, had pumped enough drilling fluid to block oil and gas spewing from the well, Allen said. The pressure from the well was very low, he said, but persisting."

I Don't Know What Any of Those Words Mean! "Why Adam Lambert, David Cook Were Absent From 'American Idol' Finale." (The reason is cancer.)

Maybe You Should Just Rename It "Plane." Any old dude with a telescope can spot the government's secret space plane. "If memory is correct, we have found and are tracking every single object launched in the past five years or more. The only objects we are not able to track are those stationed over areas of the earth where we have no active observers — mainly the central Pacific Ocean area."

That's Scientist for "We're All Gonna Die." NOAA predicts "busy" hurricane season.

Dude, Check Out This Photo. United States and South Korea are BFFs, wish China would come to their sleepover.

Market Dominance Blah Blah—How About the Department of Not Having My iPod Break Investigates Getting Me a New iPod. Justice department plans to investigate Apple. "Billboard magazine reported in March that Apple had used its market dominance to prevent labels from agreeing to let exclusively debut new songs."

You Thinspire Me. 50 Cent loses one million pounds for a film role.

A Pole and a German Walk into a Bar. Seattle man charged with anti-German hate crime. "Then, as Eschenburg tried to end the conversation, court papers say, Adamczyk pulled out a black handgun and pointed it at Eschenburg's head, saying he hated Germans."

JUSTIN BOBBY. I wish I could find the actual clip from The Hills for those who don't understand: