Mideast protest update: In response to human rights violations in Libya, Obama is imposing sanctions that will freeze Ghadafi's personal assets while 336 people flee from Libya to Malta on an American-chartered ferry. Meanwhile, in Iraq, the Washington Post reports that 23 people were killed in yesterday's protests.

Breaking! Defense Secretary announces he's just not really all that into wars: Defense Secretary Robert Gates told an audience at West Point, "In my opinion, any future defense secretary who advises the president to again send a big American land army into Asia or into the Middle East or Africa should ‘have his head examined,’ as General MacArthur so delicately put it," MSNBC reports.

Tomorrow: Officially John T. Williams Day, says Mayor Mike McGinn.

All nonessential personnel? The school board in Providence, Rhode Island has moved to send termination letters to all of its 2,000 teachers to provide "maximum flexibility" when it comes time for budget cuts and layoffs.

Unhappy baby animal news: Scientists have begun an investigation into the connection between the Deepwater Horizon oil spill and the recent deaths of 29 baby dolphins in the Gulf of Mexico.

I knew I forgot something: In Georgia, police rescued a baby mistakenly left in a bank safe.

Well, that was horribly sad. So, finally, in honor of noted oompa loompa John Boehner and his Republican Housemates' agenda for godly helpers women, here is Margaret Atwood, ready to stick it (nyuk nyuk) to the man. Good morning!