Dockside’s Weed Advent Calendars

Now that we're on year three of legal weed in Washington, cannabis gifting is definitely a thing. As a service to you, dear readers, we've selected the best, weirdest, and most giftable products from our state's overflowing cornucopia of cannabis.

Jesus Probably Loved Pot, So He'd Love Dockside's Weed Advent Calendars

There is a pretty serious historical case to be made that Jesus was way down with the ganja. And no, it does not rest on his flowing locks, loose garments, and raggedy goatee. It rests on the fact that "messiah" roughly translates to "anointed one," and that the biblical recipe for holy anointing oil calls for nine pounds of "kaneh-bosm" to be infused into olive oil. Kaneh-bosm, according to Sex, Drugs, Violence and the Bible author Chris Bennett, was mistranslated as a common marsh plant in the first Greek translation of the Bible, but is actually cannabis. So what better way to celebrate Jesus's birth than with a shitload of weed?

Dockside's advent calendars are filled with goodies from Emerald Peaks, Ruby's Sweets, Lazy Bee, Coastal Cannabis, and more—and not just flowers and edibles, either. The 12 Days of Kushmas calendar will run you $160, while the 25-day ADVENTure calendar costs $300. Happy birthday, Jesus!

Speaking of Weed Lube...

The market for weed lube has expanded since last we extolled its virtues in these pages. There's still botanicaSEATTLE's Bond Sensual Oil and Ethos Innovates' Muse Stimulating Body Oil, both of which are lovely coconut-oil-based products, but now there's also O Intimate Lubricant, a silicone-based lubricant from Fairwinds. Weed lube is a great gift, for obvious reasons, but also a socially progressive one. (A friendly reminder that no weed lube is condom-safe.) It's probably the most effective female sexual enhancement drug out there, it's non-psychoactive if used vaginally, it's very rapidly psychoactive if used anally, and it doesn't do anything when applied to dicks. This means it's really only effective for women, queer folk, and dudes who are open-minded about butt stuff. It's basically smashing the heteronormative patriarchy one tiny vial at a time.

Ganja Goddess (a great woman-owned weed shop at which to begin your patriarchy-smashing journey) has Muse for $21 and Bond, which starts at $10 for 14 mg. The Fairwinds O stuff is $47 for a small tub.

CBD Bacon-Infused Doggie Tincture

They can't explicitly say it, but I can: It's for dogs. Though the website claims it is supposedly delicious in Bloody Marys and on eggs, let's be clear: They did not make high-CBD, bacon-flavored tincture from which 100 percent of the proceeds benefit pet wellness organizations for you to put in your Christmas morning "before the little demons wake up" cocktail.

I know this sounds like "dosing" your dog, but remember, CBD is a non-psychoactive cannabinoid, primarily working to ease sore muscles and calm anxiety. Sir Squiggles will certainly appreciate a little relaxation before being used as a canine climbing gym all day. A bottle will run you about $40.

Weed-Filled Holiday Ornaments

Honey Creek, a tiny grower from Duvall that hand-trims and slow-cures its buds, is going hard on the holiday gift front. They'll be offering a variety of strains in holiday-themed, easily wrapped gift packs, as well as two traditional holiday ornaments stuffed with pot.

The ornaments will contain Honey Creek's Girl Scout Cookie strain, and they are available in a two-gram size for about $28 or seven grams for around $99. There's also a six-item "Toke Tours" sampler for $45-ish, as well as "Holiday Trophy Buds"—14 gram colas (the huge flower cones from the top of the plant) "showcased with Christmas trimmings." That's right, they made tiny Christmas trees out of weed, and they can be yours for around $200.

This Year's Spendy Gadget

Who doesn't want another gadget, right? Well according to three separate pot shop managers I polled, Dr. Dabber's Boost e-rig is actually worth the dough. This thing is about convenience—allowing you to dab it up in any situation where you need an expedient way to get lit, turnt, zooted, piped up, or whatever the fuck Future is mumbling into a mic these days.

Boost uses a traditional heated nail system, where a superheated piece of metal instantly vaporizes a droplet of cannabis oil, but there's no torch involved. You can find it on the Dr. Dabber web store for $150, and at various local retailers.

Fancy Schwag from Van der Pop

Now that Bellevue soccer moms are smoking weed, they need things to store it in, grind it up with, and smoke it out of. Preferably well-designed, expensive things. Van Der Pop is here to fulfill that need, offering a handy wallet-sized grinder card for $15, smell-proof storage jars from $29, and an array of conceptual, polygonal "GeoPipes" from Portland-based Stonedware. They start at $70 and actually look cool and futuristic enough to leave out on your fancy coffee table.

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Some Pot-Infused Cookies for Santa

I recommend SPOT's large 10 mg gingerbread cookies, which you can find around town for about $7. SPOT brand ambassador Lena Davidson says of the "palm-sized, hand-mixed, chewy" morsels: "If you love Christmas, you're gonna love this cookie. If you don't love Christmas, you're gonna need this cookie." I'm fairly certain Santa can appreciate both of those sentiments.