In case of emergency: water, water, everywhere, but not a drop to drink.
In case of emergency: water, water, everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Petrovich9/Getty Images

Why so secretive? Despite a 722-page study that Seattle Public Utilities commissioned on how The Big One will affect Seattle’s water system, just a 13-page summary has been publicly released. So why is the majority of the study being kept secret? The SPU cites the “U.S. Department of Homeland Security ‘Protected Critical Infrastructure Information’ designation in keeping the entire study, including the table of contents, secret,” reports the Seattle Times. What SPU did release says that Seattle will lose all water pressure within 24 hours of the quake, and it will take at least two months to restore service.

U.N. climate change summit, set to begin today: 200 nations are meeting together in Poland to discuss what our last-fucking-chance options are to combat climate change. As the the CEO of the World Bank puts it, “We are clearly the last generation that can change the course of climate change, but we are also the first generation with its consequences.” Take a moment to listen to what Sir David Attenborough had to say. He helped save the BBC, so maybe he can help save Earth?

Jay may as well announce he is running for president: Of course, he won’t until he will. Alas, Governor Jay Inslee has formed a federal political-action committee called Vision PAC, according to the Seattle Times. Unless he is raising money to cover his expensive out-of-state security detail costs, there is generally only one reason for starting a federal PAC, which is, that one is planning on, or is at least very seriously considering a presidential bid.

Put on ya coat! It's chilly out there.

Changing single-family zoning could decrease housing costs? You don’t say? Single-family zoning is king in this city of the rich. According to Mike Rosenberg, the city has released an advisory report that advocates for the most mild changes possible in a city that, generally-speaking, don’t want no change, such as “more duplexes near schools, expanding the boundaries of urban villages by a few blocks and reducing lot sizes to squeeze more homes into streets.” What is the first finding in the report outlined by Rosenberg? “Single-family neighborhoods mostly accommodate a certain type of person, namely high-income and white residents.”

Amazon Go is getting bigger, better: Never been to an Amazon Go, never will. Amazon is, however, experimenting with larger versions of the dumb idea. Maybe the bigger store means more jobs for robots and computers. In a city so expensive that even the hardest working computers and machines have been priced out, this can only be good news.

Trade truce. The best trade truce. The most amazing trade truce the world has ever seen: Why paraphrase when we have Trump’s exact words? “It’s an incredible deal. It goes down, certainly — if it happens, it goes down as one of the largest deals ever made.” Well, we will let the critics decide whether or not that is true. Oh, sounds like at least a few have decided the trade truce is trivial at best—it's just 90 tariff-free days. As one China specialist at the American Enterprise Institute says, “Are the Chinese going to change their development model in the next 90 days? No.” Bloomberg, in fact, published a piece explaining how the truce could extend the trade war, even, rather than helping to end it.

Hey, Whidbey Island! Can you hear us over the sound of jets? The Navy will be quadrupling EA-18G Growler flights over the island, and the community wants some cash for sound-proofing from the added noise. Now, the Navy has ended their discussions with local groups over what they describe as a “fundamental difference of opinion.” Sounds about right. Except, when you have a difference of opinion, it is usually nice to find this thing called a compromise.

This is the coolest thing: Bow down to this freezing bubble. It's awesome.

Scientists are trying to quiet 520: Worry not, fair home-owners of Laurelhurst and Madison Park. Scientists are working around the fucking clock to calm down the loud "dins" coming off of Highway 520. It may take some time, but hopefully they will have taken the noise level down before the city passes strong multi-family-and-robot-home zoning regulation, which could fill your entire neighborhood with all the newly employed Amazon Go machines. The horror! The horror!

Gouda wishes you a happy Hannukah! Well, I do. Gouda doesn’t know what holidays are because she’s a cat, silly! Last night was the first night of Hannukah and my family celebrated like good, semi-to-barely-practicing-reform-Jews, by doing our latke/brisket/donut party the night that worked best for everybody, which was the night before Hannukah actually began. Gouda got a new cat-tree this year, which she she was completely uninterested in until we covered it in the scent of catnip, and as you can see, she has since warmed up to it.

Michael Bell

I got a pair of socks that feature a polar bear with a sad-looking face, holding a ice-cream cone with a dollop of ice-cream resembling earth, only the earth-shaped ice-cream dollop was melting off of the cone. They are the most depressing socks.

The saddest socks Ive ever worn
The saddest socks I've ever worn Michael Bell

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: A hiphop show with Gucci Mane, Carnage, Smokepurpp, Hoodrich Pablo Juan, and Asian Doll, a screening of the classic comedy-horror-holiday flick Gremlins, and the musical A Very Die Hard Christmas.