Catch, Kill, Cook, Eat!

If Meat is Murder, Why Don't You Have Blood on Your Hands?


You are a very sick fuck and some one need to put up done just like you would a mad dog.I hope the next time you go after some ones pet that you get a lode of buck shot in your ass!!!!
What would you do if the lobster, or cat, or rabbit, was nine feet tall and, generally speaking, in a bad mood.

You're hungry, and it's mood really is not germain to the point. It's mood will not make your cauldron or spit one iota hotter - but if you are a caveman how do you catch, kill, cook and eat something, well, larger - LARGER, like they were back then.

I ask this because I have a dragon living in my basement. A real dick-face. For the most part he's very respectful, but every now and then it goes, well, dragon and I would like to kill and eat it's very obnoxious ass just to show him what's what (I pay the rent around here, afterall).

This winter (due in great part, I'm certain, to "global warming") has proven quite a bit warmer than winters of the past, (I actually remember this white stuff we called "snow," a wet, cold and virginally clean substance we did not feel the need to shove up our nose to feel "better",) and, whereas in winters past I might have welcomed it's fire-breathing antics, this winter he's an absolute pest. Can hardly walk on my livingroom floor. Frankly, I would like to catch, kill, cook and eat it's fire-breathing ass into oblivion.

But how do I actually kill it? I've got enough garlic to beat Emerill's fat ass to the Fifth Quadrant, that pecker-head can't cook a can of lima beans anyway, fat pig... But how do I kill this dragon in my basement?

Think of the ribs alone... has anyone here actually ever had ENOUGH ribs??? Let's kill this fuck! Let's kill him and eat him... In fact, let's catch, FUCK, kill and then eat him!!! I worked in an Italian restaurant in New Jersey and we actually did that to some lambs for that special seven day easter preparation meal -real dago stuff. I understand the owner's wife wanted to fire me... I think she called me a "bastardo." But the owner, Nunzio, fucked some of them too - so I never did get fired.

Brunello, anyone??? Cali Zin? We can cook it in white wine, but we'll finish him off with some red... What say youse? Catch him? Fuck him? Kill him? Cook him? Eat him???

Some beggars Banquet, eh?...

Incidentally, he cannot be killed with wood, metal or stone... He cannot be killed in the day, or in the night...
He cannot be killed in water or with fire...

How do I kill this fucking fuck of a fucking dragon in my fucking basement???

Please help.
meat is murder u sicko. phil st.helens how do u sleep
im married to a dragan i need help 2
this topic raises plenty of philosophical and ethical arguments.

for me.. its not the fact that animals die to serve us for food, it is the manner in which it is done.
In a cold, mechanical mass produced way and with this I agree with the author of this article that it defiantly would sort the men from the boys as to who would eat the meat if they had to hunt for themselves, because after all we ARE animals ourselves. i feel it's this detachment from our true humanity that has born these taboos.

i'm not by any means saying i think it would be ok to go out and kill your neighbors cat, as for all this urban animal theft and pet store purchase for food that is simply ludicrous. but it would probably have a greater effect on our fitness, health, knowledge, and understanding of life and death. rather than learning about death from the internet and computer simulations on your playstations that expose you to digital gore to subconsciously satisfy your ever more dark and hungry sadistic sub-persona's.

(excuse the rant..)

Not to mention the environment... If we took what we need from the lands rather than endorsing the mass culling of various species for our ever growing infestation of fast food outlets and supermarket chains, that often simply throw out stock which never gets sold (which i'm betting is a hell of a lot) so those animals died to be processed and put in the bin.

to feed a family i deduct is a noble reason for an animal to die, to go into the trash is not.

Stefan makes a lot of sense. To buy the 4 pound bag of pork chops from Wal Mart for a family of three is completely outrageous. What ever happened to the days when going out for a steak dinner was a big deal? I think we need to really consider only taking what we need. It's both the economical and ecological thing to do.
Tammany said: "You are a very sick fuck"

I bet you would still eat a McDonald's burger though wouldn't you? Either you would or you're a vegetarian, either way you're being ridiculous.

I'd have no problem killing and eating a rabbit, cow, goat, sheep etc. I'd have a few reservations about cats, dogs and horses - it would depend how hungry I was.

I would make sure I knew how to do it properly though, give the animals as quick a death as possible.
Dog and cat is pretty good had it in Beijing... it all was too bloody to kill them in my house.. so do it in the yard i worked alot better and no mess just rinse the blood off you lawn with the garden hose.. But i found out if you kill em your self they are alot more tender.. than at a restaurant.
nice, I like it...I wouldnt eat a cat or a dog, but everything else sounds delicious.... it would be nice to have a recipe article for cooking innards like liver and heart though, coz thats what i was looking for. good article.
nice! we really should think about what we eat before we, you know, eat it.:/
i love how you put "delicios!" at the end of every "recipe".

(and honestly, if you don't like this kind of thing, don't read it. telling the writer you hate it won't make them stop. it's annoying and unpleasant for everyone else to listen to.)
We all come from a long line of successful hunters.

You can be a Wolf, and kill your own or you can be a Jackal and eat what others kill.

I'm a chef and, while I had to chuckle at the tongue-in-cheek attitude (if that's what it was), I have to agree with the basic gist of this article. People are far too accustomed to picking up meat wrapped in shiny plastic to really know where their food comes from. While I can't say that I would necessarily go to the extent of killing and eating dogs or cats, I have done so with rabbit and would have no qualms doing so with goat, lamb and many other animals, provided I had an area in which I could do so with relative sanitary conditions.

It's my take on this article that it was meant as a wakeup call to everyone who walks into QFC and/or Safeway and picks up one of those shiny plastic wrapped white/black styrofoam packages and lugs their "kill" home. In my opinion, it's better to be in touch with your food - and appreciate its sacrifice, than to wallow in self-righteous consumerism for the sake of not having to bloody your own hands. If you can't stand to bloody your own hands, my yard is overgrown and I'd be more than happy to let you eat as much of the grass and weeds as you can stomach.
I don't get it? Is this supposed to be a satire or something? if it is, its making a stupid point. everyone can't just go out and catch there own food in a modern society. the guy who does computer programing is also going to hunt? the guy who flies airplanes too? no, they have a job and now we pay people to "hunt" for us. they are looking to be more productive, so instead of hunting, they decided to keep the animals where they are. I guess we should also go back to the barter system while we're at it. cars are evil, so lets get rid of them too!

Come on. things change, get used to it....
succinctly perfect
Are there no deer in Seattle? They make some darn tasty eating, and they go a long way. They're just rats with antlers, you know!
You forgot guinea pigs - not large but beautiful eating. You usually slit their throats or club them to kill them.

They are a pain to skin & clean but roasted and stuffed are good. Traditionally in Peru you pick them up and eat them with your fingers and suck the meat off the bones.

They are a bit messy but done well they are lovely.

Squirrel are OK and so are possums but not always easy to get. I had hedgehog in England - gypsies stick a skewer behind the head to kill them, gut them and stuff them and then bake them in clay. Break the clay and the skin and spines come off with it and you have lovely succulent flesh.

This article was hilarious. Having just watched Food, Inc. and being a tad more than halfway through The Omnivore's Dilemma, I got the point. I have no problem with eating cows, chickens, pork, etc. I do miss the days of knowing where the meat I was eating came from, though. My grandparents had a farm out in the sticks, complete with a huge vegetable garden, cows, pigs, and chickens. I remember one day, I was 5 at the time, this stranger came with a rifle. He selected a cow, stood in front of it and aimed the rifle at the cow's forehead and BOOM! All of the other cows ran off, the soon to be dead cow just stood there with a hole in its head. The dude with the gun put another round in the chamber and let Mr. (I don't recall seeing udders) Cow have it again. The second bullet made a fountain of blood pour out of the cow's head for a good solid minute. Then the flow of blood slowed and stopped and Mr. Cow eventually fell over dead. Mr. Cow was then dragged out into the middle of the pasture and carved up. I got to see the inside of a cow up close and personal and I will never forget the experience. I was hoping the cow would run away before it got shot, but it wasn't very disturbing in the end. OTOH, watching cows get picked up with forklifts at a CAFO really makes my stomach turn. I'm going grass fed from here on out.
I got a good laugh from the article. good job. I raise chickens turkeys and goats. goats for milk and meat, [not the same goat.] my animals get treated with love and respect right up until the end. FACTORY FARMED ANIMALS DONT.
My father became very familiar with Asian cuisine during two extended visits there (Korea in 1951 and Vietnam in 1968, both courtesy of Uncle Sam). Apparently, muscular dogs such as chows make the best eatin'; perhaps we can cut down on the pit bull population. By the way, you forgot to mention squirrels. They don't have as much meat as rabbits, but they are tastier, and are easier to catch. Also, it's perfectly legal in 44 states to kill and eat Rover.
I liked this aritcle. I started out with around 6 rabbits. I wanted to raise Flemish giants as pets and sell them. The first year my male flemish was able to please the female rabbit but nothing happened. I was told to seperate them and have him breed and take him away. My dog found the female rabbit before my male was ready. I got another female Flemish Giant and six months after that she finally had her first litter and ate them and a month later ate them again and again. In the mean time we breed our male with a couple of rabbits friends gave us just to see if he was really able to have babies. Long story short... we have a LOT of rabbits now and need to thin out the crowd. I tried to sell them NOT one person called. Today is the first time I butchered and packaged three rabbits without my room mate knowing. I never cooked a rabbit before. It helped to see one way to cook rabbit. He would like to keep them all. They eat more than two horses every day.
i live on a small farm and hear the words "backyard butcher" echoing in the air... yes thats me folks! i steer clear of animals like dogs coyotes wolves and such as they tend to eat some nasty stuff and can carry alot of disease.. horses ive heard r parasite end users... that being said... if i was in need of meat... im willing. I am the one who deals with the animals up to goat/ sheep/ deer size and i get my hubby to help with things beef size.... making it into manageable pieces for me to tackle alone. we have had a variety of wild game including beaver, coon and muskrat... there is in all the animal kingdom 2 creatures i refuse to eat -.skunk or human.... we do not waste meat. we eat what we kill. we do not trophy hunt, play catch and release, nor do we abuse animals. we are way more humane in our dealings then other wild animals that consume each other or humans who kill for fun. we also do not kill our own kind in the womb as so many animal lovers seem ok with! with mutilation abuse and violence only humans can infict upon one another! we live with the land and respect what God has given us. we provide care love and protection for all animals in our care. thankyou for your post! :-) my favorite group is PETA ( people eating tasty animals)