News Mar 18, 2010 at 4:00 am

Trivial Crimes of Great Importance


and your column/movie
Frankly, I think this is the best crime report I've ever read :D
You forgot to mention that, the criminals make possible crime reporting, which is giving you a job, further enhancing the local economy by virtue of the earned currency you return to local businesses.
Poor charles is off his meds again.
They should make a movie about this.
@9: Schlockstore Cowgirl
I actually feel like an idiot now. Why did I never think of this? Takes a genius to show us the obvious, I guess.
I think Marx got it wrong here. Were all criminals to vanish, I do not think Crime Enforcement employees would be bereft a job; I think a new "crime" would be created for them to persecute instead.

Discuss, if you will.
A sociology teacher once told me that one function of crime is that it helps to clearly define what is acceptable and unacceptable. In a society with only extreme behavior(rapists on one end, saints on the other), the middle ground would be of unknown stigma. It is only when people run the gamut of behavior that we can come to a consensus on what behavior is "okay" to most of society. Or so goes the theory.
I seem to have commented on a future event.

$15 gets you lotto numbers for next week. Of course, they may not be the numbers eventually drawn, but they will certainly be a collection of numbers that could possibly be drawn.
Remember, one day not long from now, you'll be suffering from delusional attitudes and lack of inhibition like many of the really old tea baggers, and we'll have to arrest you for shoplifting shiny coins from other people while dropping your trousers.

Or, you could just become a soccer hooligan, and help us win the World Cup bid.
so... does that mean that a criminal can rightfully yell to a cop while he's being handcuffed "You should be thanking ME that you and your kids have health insurance! Jerk!"

Love it Charles.
@9 "Society as a whole is in desperate need of new vices, and there aren't enough criminal acts to go around! So we need to criminalize more human behavior. ... It's almost impossible to drive a car ... without committing some sort of crime." --J.G. Ballard
I don't think this is correct…
Right on!!!

Chuck Merde need to hike his ass back to the marxist paradise of Zimbabwe
gillettebret and Cascadian Bacon: bad boys of the bourgeoisie.
f*ck charles, you just boggle me sometimes. do you believe half the stuff you put up here? should the doctors thanks the shooters? the fireman thank the arsonists, the rape counselors thanks the rapists? why repeat this shit? it's 10th grade STONER DEBATE CLUB fodder, and you have a job keeping it alive? shit, let's debate real issues. i've worked enough retail to know that it's wise to pick my battles. that this shopkeeper picked this one -ok, fine. that's his choice. i've made mine, and yes, i PROFILE. and i'm sure that makes your dreads curl, and sure, people with nothing got nothing to lose and all that, but i'm not getting rich - i'm employing people! so they don't steal candybars! we're playing by the rules, to keep the social fabric tight. you REALLY think we should give weight and time to those that want to unravel it? really? you want to re-distribute wealth? fine. but let's do it within the norms of this social pact. not stealing from shopkeepers. i'm wasting my time writing this, i know it.

Please wait...

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