Podcasts Jun 28, 2011 at 1:00 am

Comments

1
I am clapping so hard in my brain right now!! THANK YOU, Dan! I loved the rant about food and sex. I feel so vindicated because my ex-girlfriend always acted like there was something prudish about me because I never wanted to get on the floor and pour fucking hershey's syrup all over each other. It always seemed like such a juvenile approach to sex and it just turned me off and made me roll my eyes. Hearing you say it's a sex negative approach to sex is even better! And really she was the one who was a prude about sex, but that's another story. Is there anything we don't agree on?? Maybe that pussy tastes delicious without chocolate sauce? OK maybe just that one thing.
2
Except for asexual men... they are just very few and far between, yes. But there are men who don't watch porn. But these are the same men who don't have sex. So you wouldn't be dating them, ladies.
3
Dan, your food and sex rant is...so, so prejudiced. What, sploshing is "wrong"? Food sex is fun! I'll go down on pretty much anything, but damn, I do enjoy ending sex covered in chocolate. Or vanilla ice-cream. Or custard. Or chocolate mousse.
4
Or hell, anything MESSY. Messy is fun. What, you've never enjoyed mud wrestling or rolling in the snow as a kid? Messy can be damn entertaining. Don't assume people are sex-negative just because you don't understand them.
5
Actually, I never got a taste for beer. Clean dick is pretty good. Beer? fweh.
6
For the masturbater, 100% recycled toilet paper would be OK to clean up with (which he would be using anyway if he's cool with the trees).
7
I think that dan may have crossed the line with the poor puppy master. Are you sure she was a drama queen? Maybe she was so turned on that it brought out some strong emotions...simple as that.
8
eating your own spunk is obviously the only way to go. Not only is it a nice, light snack, eating consumes nothing (tissues, more washing powder).

Plus, my cum is the awesomest thing in the world. Why would I throw it away?

Another option is shooting into some kind of diary and making notes on the side.
9
I'm a straight man who doesn't watch porn I've been with a partner who asked me if I watched porn and I actually wasn't lying when I told her that I didn't. I don't consider myself asexual because I absolutely love sex. I crave it like a hunger.

I hate WATCHING porn. After reading many stories about people in the industry, the acting, the lack of intimacy in professional pornography and the extreme close-ups of genitals in amateur pornography. These things make me feel completely disconnected.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying that I don't find ways of getting myself off without a partner that isn't completely vanilla. I hate WATCHING porn but I love LISTENING to porn. I'm not saying that I open up a video and put it in the background. The internet is large and scary enough to cater to many people's bizarre interests.

On some user submitted sound-clip sites, there are some wonderful women out there who record themselves "getting off" and that auditory stimulation of hearing a women actually sounding satisfied fuels my imagination in more ways than a visual stage could. It helps me more-so than a video would because it feels a lot more private, personal and intimate than something filmed under the bright lights a large camera crew.

So there you have it. I'm a straight man who doesn't watch porn. I hope I'm not the only one with this secret behind a secret.
10
I just wanted to give a heads up to any women who have experiences similar to the puppy master. It sounds like the woman had a panic attack. I have also had panic attacks when I have gotten REALLY aroused. I went through two male shrinks who were convinced I had been raped or damaged or was crazy blah blah blah (not all lady problems are freaking emotional dudes); till finally a female counselor told me, " Oh that, yeah that's a common thing."

It is NOT emotional or emotional baggage! It is simply a physical response caused by crossed wires. You're just getting really aroused, your heart is pumping hard, and your body mistakes your arousal for something it is not. The result is your brain sets off a fight or flight response and you either get angry, or start to cry. Has N O T H I N G to do with repressed emotional crap. 100% normal, you are just running hot girl.

I was given Xanex and Ateral for the problem, BUT I have since discovered pot. I recommend a quick hit off of a blunt before sex, and that will help you body chill out.
11
The woman who was talking about what she feels when she sees her partner with the puppy tail in - this happens to me (not in the same circumstances) and by the way you're describing it, I don't think it's a panic attack (I get those too, they feel quite different) and I don't think Dan understood what you were talking about, but when I heard it, I knew meant *that thing that happens to me* that my partners think is quite unsettling, and up until now I have never heard of any one else having it! It happened to me for the first time about one or two years ago, and I'm in my early 30s! I wish I knew what it was and whether it's dangerous or not. It's like a burning, crushing sensation in my chest that happens when I see something that turns me on A LOT. It's come as a huge surprise because sometimes I've set up a scene and casually thought I'd enjoy it, but I don't think I had any idea how much. The thing is, it's too much and I have to step away from the scene usually and focus on breathing and calming down.
12
Maybe the guy who was so regretful about how he'd manipulated and emotionally abused his ex-girlfriend and wanted to apologize to her shouldn't have started off by calling her a controlling bitch on a podcast he thinks she listens to. Ugh. Stay in therapy, jerk.
13
What an awful response to the woman who cried during pet play with her partner! She's confused by her reactions, NOT carrying trauma or being a drama queen.

Unexpected things can make someone emotional sometimes. It's confusing, but it happens. She just needs to reflect on the emotions that snuck up and became overwhelming enough to make her cry. Could be anything.
14
For the woman who wanted closure with her ex for lying about watching porn. It seemed you were more upset about the lying aspect than the porn itself which is what Dan responded to. You have every right to still be upset, but at this point you don't need to seek out you're ex to confront him about it. You're dating someone new. Enjoy it. Set up your boundaries and be clear about deal breakers if and when you get serious.
15
@14: Dan's point is that every man will be lying about watching porn. And if watching porn is a deal-breaker, then every relationship she'll engage in will her broken.
16
I guess the questions are interesting, but I can hardly understand them through the phone.
17
This is for the lady with the strong reaction to a tail being incorporated into puppy play:

Your strong reaction could be a simple psychological issue. When it was just a human acting like a puppy it was okay but adding a tail makes it more puppy-like and people are conditioned early on that bestiality is wrong (not saying its right!!). You could of simply had a brain-libido fist fight over correctness vs how much it turned you on. Once you accept that he's still a human even with the tail, I think you'll have less of an over-reaction.
18
About the woman whose ex lied to her about porn:

Actually listen to the caller. She said she was ok with porn, she just wanted to know about it. She wasn't upset about the porn. She was upset about lying. The lying just happened to be about porn. I think lying is a perfectly reasonable dealbreaker, especially since she encouraged her ex to talk about it in the first place.

As to Dan's response, I think he just heard a woman's voice say the word "porn" and some red alert went off in his head like "Whoop! Whoop! Danger! Shrew on base! Protect the porn!" and didn't hear anything else that she said.
19
I agree with #18 and #14 that men should not lie about porn. If a man told me he didn't watch porn, that would send up a red flag for me, and I would wonder what else he was saying simply because he thought it was "what I wanted to hear." Although, I can't figure out why the caller was upset about it a year later -- That seems to indicate that she was not as cool with the porn as she claimed to be.

I have never asked a man if he read/watched/interacted with porn, because I always assume he does. (However, asking a guy what *kind* of porn he consumes can lead to an interesting discussion.) Men should not be forced to lie about porn just to please a woman. And any woman who feels porn is cheating should consider how she would feel if she were banned from all Romantic movies and books for her partner's benefit.
20
love the podcast! but you failed to mention that getting sweet, sugary things (including glycerin based lubes, but more importantly things like chocolate) can throw off the whole bacteria, yeast balance in a woman's vagina and cause a WICKED yeast infection. just thought it would help add to the chocolate a sex play is sort of gross rant.
21
The woman calling about her transgender ex needs to get over herself. The lying thing, yes she lied to you (she, not he, btw, you dated a woman for two years, congratulations). She was lying to everybody, you, herself, everyone she knew. It's called the closet. Maybe she knew she was trans, for all that time, but she was still trying her hardest to be a man anyway. It wasn't really about you.

Honestly, would you be all freaked out and have trust issues if this person had instead come out as a gay man? I hope not. This isn't a whole lot different.
22
To the man who's boyfriend is poly, I would say the following. The fact that your boyfriend wants you to meet his primary partner and socialize with him does not automatically mean that you are required to have sexual and/or romantic feelings for his primary partner. Most likely it's simply a matter of wanting to be able to be with both people he cares about at the same time. Plus, as Dan said, it may help the primary partner to not feel jealous and insecure if he can get to know you as a person in your own right rather than simply as "the other man".

You mentioned that you felt awkward because you didn't know whether it was okay to hold hands or kiss or be affectionate. Well, next time, just talk to your boyfriend about that beforehand. "Hey, I'd like to kiss you around your primary partner. Is that okay? Here's my comfort level. What is your comfort level with that? What is his comfort level?"
23
Re: the guy wanking in the bush. Go easy on him. There were no kids present, so it didn't sound OVERTLY illicit AND, I know NUMEROUS women that think NOTHING of feigning being asleep on a bus/plane/train, pulling a blanket over their laps, and enjoying some "digital manipulation". I ALSO dated a girl in high school MANY years ago, that earned the nickname "Jetty" because when she was in Japan on an exchange, she was NOTORIOUS for backing up to the jets at the spa.

If we aren't crucifying women, we sure ought not to crucify men. Even IF they exhibit (somewhat) poor judgement on occasion.
24
@20 yeah, I was grateful for the keep-the-chocolate-off-the-junk argument because this chocolate lover can only see a monster yeast infection in response to any sugar anywhere near my pussy. A friggin' romantic comedy can give me a yeast infection i'm so sensitive to sugar.

And I too would wonder if my lover had issues with my taste and was trying to cover it and their cowardice up.
25
Dear spoogy tree hugger.
It's called a crusty sock.
It goes in the wash.
enjoy.
26
Dan, I'm a enthusiastic, new fan of yours, and you've taught me a lot about being sex positive; however, I was shocked at the callousness of your response to the puppy-tail caller. I was so surprised to hear you literally jeering and mocking not only her sexual practices but her very real and serious emotional response. She was calling you for *help*, Dan, and you made fun of her - several times! - during the show.

Look, I have never even heard of "pet play" before and it's certainly not something I'm into, but aren't you the guy who promotes the ultimate sexual "to each his or her own" without shame or apology as long as it's GGG?

My biggest concern is that another caller who has a different but very serious issue will not come to you with their problem in the future because they're worried you'll mock and shame them like you did the puppy-play woman.

I think you owe her an apology, Dan.
27
Holy shit, "They innovate; you masturbate" is the best slogan ever.
28
To the woman in the responses who was dating a transgender person and was upset about him/her lying to her about this. It's okay to be upset about the lying, I can understand that, but it is a big deal to come out as trans and many people have gone into relationships in denial thinking if they play into the role of the gender they were born into it'll go away.

I didn't catch how long s/he was keeping silent about it, but this isn't something you always talk about on the first date or at the beginning of a new relationship. Sorry it didn't work out for you.
29
The guy who wanted to apologise to his ex-gf sounded like a total and utter self-obsessed Narcissist. He actually admitted that he was proud of his ability to emotionally abuse and manipulate people, showing that he has little or no ability empathise with anyone. The only reason that he suddenly felt bad about his behaviour after breaking up with her is that 1) he did not have a co-dependent partner to do his bidding and 2) he suddenly realised that such traits are not socially desirable in his rare moments of self doubt (which, trust me, narcs do have; hence, the reason why they are such insecure people). I personally disagree with Dan about him apologising as my sister dated a guy really similar to him and often he would apologise during their many breaks in order gain attention. It would be great if a show was set up on dealing with Narcissistic personality disorder so people can learn how to deal with it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissisti…
30
When the day is done, come in your underwear, toss them in the hamper, and then sleep naked. It doesn't stain. Socks are too small and get all crusty and smelly, ew.

Butt tails seem highly unsanitary to me (they look like a perfectly good sex toys with dead ferrets attached). "Maybe it was a traumatic poop your dog took" OK, Dan was mean to this lady, but I bet even she found that line funny.

No mercy for the woman who cries about porn. Muahaha! Unless she was once forced against her will to make porn I can see no justifiable reason for her depression. Do you look at naked photos of guys, read/write erotica, use a vibrator, or think about strange men when you masturbate? Then you have a double standard on your hands, madam, one where you have a superior erotic imagination, so there.

Porn for me is about as exciting as going to the gynecologist. Nothing to cry about.

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