To the lady whose Dutch man told her to shave: maybe he was telling her he had crabs?

Um, douches are anti-woman/anti-vagina (the vagina isn't gross [well, to some it is] and doesn't need to be cleaned with douching), so calling someone a douche/douche-bag as a slur isn't actually anti-woman/anti-vagina at all (the person is unnecessary and gross, like a douche; one is saying that something that's anti-woman is itself bad).

Also, while acknowledging that many rape/sexual assault survivors/victims (can/could/do) benefit from therapy, I object to the de facto pathologization of survivors/victims, as some people can/do recover from traumatic experiences of all varieties without professional help, and the degree to which survivors/victims experience any particular instance of rape/sexual assault as traumatic varies widely.

The "sexual assault" call is obviously going to stir up a shit-storm, but as a young man I often feel very exposed in one-night-stand situations. Like it or not, if a man wants to be successful in a one-night-stand, he often has to be confident and take initiative (think how many girls say explicitly that they want a man who "makes the first move"). What, then, separates being a confident lover, and committing sexual assault? Whether the girl changes her mind once the alcohol wears off? Is it always wrong to sleep with someone who is at all intoxicated? That would seem to make a large proportion of early-20s sex immoral... Obviously as soon as someone expresses discomfort you must back off immediately. But if, in the moment, everything indicates that your partner is on the same page with what is happening, should you still be liable to an extremely serious charge if they wake up feeling less okay about what happened? Or do all these situations require explicit verbal and written consent, signed in triplicate?

ugh...that woman at the end is such a GAY DOUCHE BAG!! Please stop telling Dan Savage to stop saying things!!! The reason that I listen to him is that he's so loose with language and that he's so liberal in his application of it. I met Dan and asked him about this, and he said "intention is everything." So write that down, put it in your pocket, and have a fucking sense of humor for fag's sake!

@2: Wow, you're awesome. You already said both the things I wanted to say. Thank you!

Though one more comment: the idea of people thinking of douchebag as a vaginal douche just seems so outdated and '70s to me. Do people actually still USE vaginal douches?

I LOVE the word douche(bag). You know why? So many words we use as insults refer to perfectly lovely body parts (pussy, dick, cunt, asshole, etc.), and their use makes it hard for me to use those words in a positive way when referring to my own body or my partners. But DOUCHE is a bad thing, so it makes a perfect insult. Unless your doctor tells you to in some unusual situation, you should never douche. Calling someone a douche isn't saying "vaginas are smelly and need to be chemically stripped of all their natural goodness," it's saying "you're such a jerk that your existence is harmful to women's genitals everywhere!"

Please, never stop using the word "douchebag," Dan. It's my favorite.

Dan, I'm not so sure the Pope ended up alone... Google this:
pope "gorgeous George"

I'm also generally a remover of my pubic hair, but a guy 'advising' me to do so, particularly in the context of a one night stand and in the way you said he did: 'Let me give you a word of advice...' is appalling. To 'give you advice' about how you maintain your body is extremely condescending; it shows that he sees you as inferior, someone who is somehow bound to do what he says. In the event that you weren't necessarily planning on sleeping with him again, he's also setting himself up as some kind of mouthpiece for all men in the world, which is a bit of a delusion of grandeur!

This is a million miles away from a partner say, saying 'I would prefer it if you...' or 'I prefer it when women...'

It is so immensely condescending that I wondered if it is part of his 'technique'. There is a lot of pick-up artist literature around that suggests making condescending comments towards women as it can engender a sense that the person who is making them is in some way superior.

Depending on how luxuriant/coarse the pubes are, you can actually cause injury. Long Brillo-pad pubes can leave a guy bleeding around the base. The pencil-sharpener effect.

Just wanted to cast my vote for your continued use of the word "douche bag" and add that around my house we also use the adjective form of the word "douchy" and also their shortened forms "deeb" and "db".

Dan, Thanks for the great advice to the 23 year old gay who was afraid of being alone. I'm a 21 year old, recently out lesbian who struggling with the same issues and it was really great not to feel like a freak for my total lack of sexual experience.

In the opening rant, it almost sounds as if Pope Benedict himself has been accused of child molestation. The charge is that the Pope was involved in a blatant cover up of the widespread child sexual abuse in the Church. Both are disgusting. But the rant is unclear and perhaps unfair.

Douches are anti-woman, harmful and are sold through fear and societal pressure to make money for big companies that do not care at all about the health of the woman who buy them. Keep the word in your lexicon as an insult, and hopefully there will be such bad karma associated with them that they will go back to where they belong: the prescription pads of qualified medical practitioners.

Add me to the long list of the people who love the word douchebag. My affection for the word lies primarily with the fact that unlike many other perjoratives, it REALLY bothers the people to whom it is applicable. The last time I used it was to address a guy who was talking very loudly on his cell phone while his Escalade was parked across not one but two handicapped spots (of course without a handicapped placard). I have never seen someone get so mad at being called a perjorative by a stranger but this guy came unglued. The word DOUCHEBAG seems to bother douchebags in exactly the same way the word SANTORUM bothers Santorum, keep using it.

I vote for an increase in the frequency of the usage of the word 'douche', just to annoy that bossy woman.

So we must add "douche" to the list of offensive words? Pardon me, but isn't the fact that it's an offensive word the whole point of using it? Anyone who thinks it's being used in a sexist manner needs to pull her head out of her (gender-neutral) ass and get on with it. The fact is that no matter what word you use there will be potential to offend.

I always wondered why people think offensive words exist at all, and what would happen to language if we got rid of all of them. I mean, don't offensive words have a function that wouldn't really disappear if all offensive words were replaced with 'nicer' equivalents? Don't offensive words serve a purpose? Isn't that why they exist at all?

I'm really curious...why do people listen to Savage Lovecasts and then chastise Dan for using certain terms, like douche or douchebag? Dan has legions of fans based on his delivery; if you want "nicer", try Dear Abby.

gah, dan's advice to the 23 year old gay guy has a lot of bullshit in it. while, maybe getting at this specific guys question a little, leaves a lot out for most people w/ similar problems (read: me).

for one, he breaks it down to a dichotomy of alone forever/not alone forever, as if meeting someone at 53 is the same as 23. another recent caller mentioned the years he's wasted without a SO, and dan dismisses the "wasted" comment as ridiculous, citing all the other things he could be doing.

those years are wasted in the sense that they could have been much more enjoyable with another person. sure, it's possible for some people to be perfectly happy being alone, but for many, or most, it's a less desirable state. if you have any doubts, try it yourself: if you 're partnered, leave your partner for the next 30 years, and don't get with anyone else in the mean time; if you're not partnered, ask one of your partnered friends to do it. if it's all the same, they should be indifferent to the idea. i suspect you could not find one person who would take you up on such an offer.

... and this is all inside the framework of traditional ideas of monogamy, or long term commitment. what about someone who is OK with serial monogamy, or casual sex, or one night hook ups? what if someone would like one of those, yet still cannot get it?

dan suggests to not get bitter in the interim ... again i would ask, would any coupled person accept such a scenario? if anything, it would be favored towards making the deal more acceptable since the coupled person would be guaranteed to get their partner back after the term, whereas there is no guarantee for the person who has to live it.

if what hes's asking is easy or acceptable, then we should expect someone to willingly accept that setup. if it's not easy or acceptable, then it's not useful advice, and you shouldn't expect unwilling-single to be happy or satisfied with that kind of setup.

I hate when people get militant about things they know are stupid (using the term douchebag is offensive to women) then try to cover it up by being cutesy. "Calling someone an (anal) douchebag? That's gay! Hahah! I'm adorable." Dumbass.

I was gonna say what John said...

The condoms broke guy sounded like Matt Damon! Freaky