Re: Valentine's (and other food-rich holiday/anniversary) Fuck First.

I was very single this holiday but I was able to pass on this advice to my not-single friends and they were all amazed at the sensibility of the advice and reaped the benefits.

Would be a great email quote!

The fuck first really is great advice, just makes the whole evening more relaxed and fun. Also why not skip going out and cook at home? Even if you're not a great cook, some appetizers, maybe some fancy cheese and crackers would probably set you back less than a meal out and your're not sharing your intimate meal at restaurant with 50 other couples mooning over each other and waiters are secretly glaring at you. (I'd say it's a toss up between mother's day and valentines day as the holiday waiters hate most)

Love this new written comment feature, as I always chicken out of calling when I have comments!

The info on porn for women was great and much appreciated - I plan on thoroughly checking out the mentioned links! It really is quite the undertaking to filter through all the butthole-close-ups in order to find more of a variety of types of porn.

A couple of additional suggestions. Try older porn! There's a lot of hardcore porn from the 70's & 80's (pre-video stuff, particularly) that's quite well-made. It's still usually male-centric, but I've found that the creativity level, style variety (including relationship stories with developed characters), acting quality, and care put into the production makes a lot of those films a MUCH more interesting viewing experience than most contemporary porn. Het films like 'The Devil in Miss Jones' and 'The Opening of Misty Beethoven' and gay male films like 'The Idol,' 'Drive,' and 'Inches' are way up there on my personal recommendations list.

Also - and this is a VERY nerdy recommendation - one place where women are the PREDOMINANT creators of smut is in the world of fanficiton. Whether you're lookin' for straight, gay, lesbian, etc., etc. stories, they were quite likely written by a lady for a mostly-lady audience. The only trouble is that it's a bit hard to find the good stuff (as the writing quality varies from terrible to amazing), but with some poking around on the internet in different fandoms and types, you should be able to find a reliable site that serves your purpose. For femslash (lady on lady), I find that Your Daily Femslash Newsletter (community.livejournal.com/femslash_today) is quite trustworthy, updates frequently, and posts a lot of enjoyable writing. It is not all smut (some is about romance or sexual tension), but there's a wide variety of types of stories.

I can't imagine a worse spokesperson for Burning Man. That guy's halting serial-killer speech made me want to stay as far as humanly possible from the place.

It's my own special idea of hell to listen to people talk to other people about how they don't really know what goes on at Burning Man. Jesus, but that was tiresome. And if Dan put two whole calls on about it, I can only imagine that he got a hundred just like them.

to the teacher who needed ideas for discouraging students from using "gay" as a slur:

I use an idea from the Savage Lovecast a few years ago, when a teacher called in and said that she uses humor. She says, "What? my _reading assignment_ attends pride parades? My _reading assignment_ sports the rainbow flag?" etc etc. After a few times, the students understand that I don't want that word used in that context, I don't give them the satisfaction of getting mad, and it doesn't take much class time.

(Because you're in Texas, you may not have the luxury of adminstrators who care about LGBT issues. Are there GSA's in the high schools in your district? You might want to to contact the faculty advisers of the nearby GSA's, if they exist.)

Thanks, Savage Lovecast listener!

I am a lady that loves sexy butthole porn. Sexy lady buttholes!

RE: It get's better

Have you seen this one Dan? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9x8rrLrC3…

To the woman who wants to know what she can say to her students who use "gay" as a slur without seeming to advocate homosexuality: the answer is, "if you are using a word--any word--with the intent to hurt another person, that is bullying and will result in negative consequences for you."

I work with kindergarten-1st graders and am lucky enough to work in a tolerance-friendly environment, but the immediate issue is always the intended disrespect on the part of the speaker. Is your goal to upset someone? Then your words are NOT OKAY. If my five-year-olds can understand that deliberately trying to hurt people is universally unacceptable, her 13-year-olds can too.

I have taught grade 7 in a very white Christian neighborhood and using derogatory terms about the gay community is their automatic go to. I use the same type of humor that #9 uses and it really works. If they continue I keep the student after class and ask them how they would feel if the new way to insult someone was to use THEIR name ( Gross, that's so Brian!) It seems to drive the point home, and they are more likely to soak it in if it isn't in front of friends or peers that they are trying to impress. I have found that this is very effective.
If at all possible, she should move. Texas doesn't deserve her. No one should have to live in fear or secrecy.

nope. burning man still a crappy place for kids. along with the rest of the world.

For the teacher prohibiting gay slurs, I thought you were muted with two important points:
1) you don't have to be gay to see that it's ok to be gay
2) it's ok to be gay. nothing wrong with it at all. (Moreover, there's nothing wrong with gay acts, for those that reject defined sexual orientation)
I think those two points (expounded upon as necessary) would get the point across to the kids while also not outing the teacher.
She will of course be telling kids of gay-hating christians that their gay-hating gay parents and their gay-hating religious views are wrong... and that may bite her in the butt. That's what she should be worried about, but she's on the right side of the argument.
(ps. gay-hating christians are not to be confused with perfectly normal not-gay-hating christians)

I'm straight, but had the same rule in my classroom when I did my student teaching. I would first just ask them not to use the word gay as an insult. If they asked why, I would tell them that my cousin was gay and I didn't like having to hear my family being insulted in my place of work. They usually dropped their argument after that, and I noticed by the end of the year I rarely ever heard kids using 'gay' as an insult in my classroom.

For the teacher: I think it might be time for a discussion about the power of language. I'm thinking some Saussere, some Burke--lay the philosophical/rhetorical hammer down and tell them that awareness of how one uses language affects, not only the way the use language, but they way they *think.* I wouldn't pander to them--they are old enough to understand the way language shapes reality and instead of talking down/creating arbitrary rules, I'd say something along the lines of, "Usually you won't learn this stuff until college but I think you can handle it" and go all linguistical Continental philosophy on their asses.

Crap, had to come back--GURL, there is LOTS of awesome porn out there. Look for fan fiction on Livejournal. Go to erotica.com. Meet some amateur writers and make requests (yes, there are writing challenge websites) so you can get exactly what you want. Seriously, you just need to look for it. Vid porn is typically about guys but there is a lot of fiction out there for the ladies.

To the teacher in Texas -- thanks for calling in, and sorry to hear that you are being silenced by Texas' lack of protection for teachers. The failure to protect teachers hurts students, too, who have less opportunity for visible faculty allies! There are some bills coming up in the Texas legislature that would protect teachers -- but unfortunately its not looking good this session.

I thought the comment about contacting nearby GSAs was a great one. You also might want to contact the Texas GSA Network (www.texasgsa.org), a youth led organization that offers workshops and trainings, or GLSEN chapters in Houston and Dallas. Might help for your students to hear from other youth who are trainers on this stuff, instead of hearing it as a mandate from their teacher. If you can't swing actually getting administrative permission for a training in your schools, they might also have some good suggestions.

I'm a schoolteacher. This is how I put it to my kids, "Don't say 'gay' when you mean 'stupid.' You have a right to believe that it's wrong to be gay (which I don't), just like you have a right to believe all Jewish people are greedy (which I also don't). But, you can't say, 'He Jewed me,' in class if you're talking about someone who ripped you off. It's a rude and disrespectful way of expressing your opinion in public. We're in school. You can't swear, and you can't do this either."