Podcasts May 10, 2011 at 1:00 am

Comments

1
I'm sorry, am I being an asshole, I think this woman's female ejaculate advice is kind of vague....hahaha. I call bull shit. But I love that Dan put his finger in a vulva puppet!
2
"A man and his girlfriend have agreed to embark on an open relationship. But it's open only for him. She's not allowed to go outside the relationship. Is this okay?"

Only if she imposed that condition herself. (In which case it wouldn't be "not allowed", so much as "isn't willing to".)

[Note: I haven't listened to the episode yet.]
3
K, most of this is deeply revolting. The second duder sounded like a real pervert. REAL PERVERT. Mr. JellyFinger trench coat stuffed with candy playground pervert.
4
As a female who ejaculates, the advice this woman gave kind of pissed me off. My college recently had a different group of women do a workshop on it here as well and I had the same problems what they said. A few points:

1. They act like the G-spot is the only way to achieve female ejaculation. Maybe I am the one strange exception, but I find it much, much more difficult to ejaculate from an orgasm from my G-spot than from just clitoral stimulation.

2. They say that every woman could do it, they just need to learn how. They base this statement on the fact that all women have the equipment to do it. The fact is, no studies have shown any evidence to back up that claim, and the reasoning is inherently faulty. After all, we all have tongues, but there are lots of people who can't roll their tongues because of genetics. Everyone has hips and legs but most people have to work at it every day if they want to do the splits.

3. But let's just assume that the workshop people and Ms. Rodriquez are correct though, and any woman has the capability. Her assertion that the reason that woman can try and not be able to do it has something to do with psychological damage and trauma have something to do with it is pretty far-fetched. I agree that psychology and trauma can be pretty effective at making orgasms themselves impossible, but in my experience, I can squirt if I can get to an orgasm. By contrast, I have many female friends who can definitely have orgasms, but I know of one other friend who can ejaculate at all.

4. Which brings up another point: if any woman can do it, why is it that there are so few who do? The very first time I had an orgasm, I squirted. I had no idea that it was going to happen, and was so shocked when it did that I stopped what I was doing. There was no learning or effort involved. I feel like that experience would be much more common if any woman could really do it.

5. Also, turning the tap off is possible. If I want to masturbate in bed but don't want to sleep in a puddle, then I hold it in. I still orgasm, and it's a little uncomfortable, but it's possible. It also took me a long time to learn how to do.

6. Ms. Rodriguez also doesn't seem to understand why someone would want to NOT do it. I personally think it's a nuisance to clean up, and it's dangerous as well- I've managed to do $750 worth of "water" damage to a computer with it when I was across the room. Yeah, tons and tons of guys think it's pretty much the hottest thing ever, but it can be a real pain to put down two towels only to find that one has STILL managed to soak through to one's sheets.

7. Also: I've had dry orgasms where liquid hasn't even been an issue, that I didn't even feel it coming up and that I needed to hold it in to prevent any ejaculation. The ejaProxy-Connection: keep-alive
Cache-Control: max-age=0

latory ones aren't any better or worse than the dry ones.
%Pr
5
LOL! I hadn't heard the third caller...the first male caller sounded like mr. mcfeely pedophile, and the second male caller sounded like a total fag. TOTAL FAG! bwahahahahaha...guy's testicles haven't descended. Beta males!
6
@The girl who made the 4th comment: THANK YOU! They should have had you on the show! That was so much more informative and makes a lot more sense to me. I call bull shit! I can't squirt, and I still call bull shit. thank you very much. :)
7
Confiding about an affair to a close friend of the cheated on is just plain wrong! If I were in that caller's position, I don't know if I'd tell on the cheater or not. But I would immediately end the friendship with her.
8
Oh man, they guy at about 20 minutes in sounds so much like me a few years ago. Like him, I was in a long-term relationship with my ex which turned into a long-distance relationship, too, and I passively put up with her spending lots of time with a new guy; and, like him, I got dumped for the new guy when I went to visit her. In my case, though, I decided to not sustain any sort of friendship with her - basically to not talk to her ever again; I did lose some friends, though not any really close friends. I came to that decision not just because I felt slighted by the break-up, but because I realized that my ex had been a bad partner and would be a lousy friend - the break-up was just one of many things she did that made me feel like one or another variety of shit.

Anyway, I've made some bad decisions in my life, but the decision to cut off communication with my ex remains something I'm happy about - it's a bridge I'm glad to have burned. But, that's just me.
9
First of all, I join other listeners in calling bullshit on Ms. Rodrigez. I checked out her husband's website, and it's all about getting over past sexual abuse and forgotten trauma. Apparently, if you can't squirt, it's always because someone diddled you when you were young.

I am also highly skeptical that the key to female ejaculation is letting your emotions go. It must have to do at least somewhat with basic mechanics.

Ms. Rodrigez doesn't have a biology degree or anything to help her understand female ejaculation on a physical level, which is why it's all past trauma and emotions with her. Of course, having an orgasm is an emotional experience for everyone. But come on.

Their g-spot workshops don't include anyone taking their clothes off or actually *trying* their techniques. Everyone's supposed to go home and try it afterwards. I'm sure that lots of people are able to ejaculate after getting some pointers, but how do they know that *everyone* can?
10
@4 & 9 Thanks

Ms. Rodriguez & Tim are clearly classic bullshitters, Tim's website- Even Deeper- is creepy, dude's an ex-preacher, a life coach, talks about breathing as being really really important- classic Bullshit. Biological functions are not necessarily tied to emotion. If every woman were capable of doing it, every woman would do it. There isn't a scientific consensus on this and to claim there is one is irresponsible. To tell women that it's their fault for not being emotionally open enough or something is likewise irresponsible. Dan (who I love!) should be more careful with his guests.

And jumping on what Michelle said.... I really hate that I feel compelled to say this but... some people have been falsely convinced that sexual trauma happened to them when it didn't. It's really rare, and I have absolutely no reason to believe that this is the case here, it's extremely unlikely, and anyone who says they were abused in any way should be taken seriously and presumed to be correct until definitively proven otherwise...

the only reason I'm even saying this at all is that anyone who is going around trying to convince people that they were secretly abused and don't remember are extremely dangerous. Not saying that's the case with any of these people, it's very unlikely that it is, and maybe it's irresponsible to say anything at all, Just throwing that out there bc I think people should be aware of this phenomenon, and some of the stuff on Tim's websites are reminiscent of this way of thinking...

Even if not, I think it's irresponsible and cruel to tell sexual abuse victims they can't gush because they were abused if it may be be biological. Obviously this is not done maliciously, but still...

I could be completely wrong and an asshole but the whole thing really puts me ill at ease and I think it warrants more investigation. Just sayin'.
11
For the wife who's husband wants to be in chastity:

1. The best products are either the CB6000 (with modifications) or the Birdlock. I personally prefer the Birdlock because it's lightweight.

2. It is important to wash the device out twice a day and monitor the situation for skin abrasions/pinching. I would say don't do it for more than 5 days. Also, use lubricant to get into it; it's very hard to do it dry.

3. While Dan is right and the devices aren't inescapable, you can't get back into them so you would know.

4. Chastity is about tease and denial. It's mental. It's not just him ceding control--you have to TAKE control. Dan is completely correct in that regard.

5. Chastity is FUN. If you're man is submissive, he will become ULTRA submissive in chastity. It will lay him bare and you have to be there to catch him, to accept his desires and just understand that it's a GAME.
12
I'm so glad everyone's calling bullshit on the female ejaculation guest. As I was listening I was already composing my disgruntled response, but thankfully you guys have covered it all.
'every woman can do it - it's biological fact'? 'why would you want to ever not do it'? 'you're all emotionally repressed'? 'women can't pee when aroused'!?
Just full of inaccuracies and pronouncements. I'm glad she's found her own sexual happiness, and I'm all for teaching and workshopping and yadda yadda yadda, but this was too full of holes and misplaced certainty that it felt more like evangelism than education.
13
Just wanted to agree 100% with the comments (e.g., 4, 9, 12) pointing out the clear holes in much of what Heike Rodriguez was saying on the recent podcast.

Frankly, I'm a little disappointed in Dan for not taking her to task a bit for what was obviously raging bullshit. Most importantly, not challenging her assertion than any woman who can't ejaculate has repressed trauma was nothing short of irresponsible. From her interview, it's clear that nothing she is doing or teaching has any scientific/empirical basis and is, at best, an overgeneralization of her own personal experience to all women or, at worst, a filthy little scam.
14
I actually want to disagree with all you naysayers on the female ejaculation stuff. And I must begin by saying that it never ceases to amaze me how some women can get all up in arms about it--to the point of sounding triggered. In contrast, I've never seen straight men who don't enjoy prostate play get so defensive and even hostile in the presence of straight men who do.

First off, the G-spot is not something "other" than the clitoris. It is the deeper tissues of the clitoris. Period. If you get to ejaculation through attention to the tip, bravo to you. If you like it, need it, bravo to you. If you don't like it all the time because of the mess, bravo to you. But please stop insisting that all women should experience it--or not--as you do. I am willing to give this woman--as an instructor--the benefit of the doubt in that she's trying to teach women the **commonalities** around getting there. Waking those deeper tissues, feeling like you have to pee, bearing down and releasing with so much intensity that you cry? Those are all very common descriptions from women who ejaculate. Variations on the theme are lovely, not cause for such anger-laced dismissals.

Now, me? I can ejaculate. But mine is not a gush of fluid that soaks everything in sight. Mine is goopy and white, much like male ejacaluate. i don't do it very often but I do consider such occassions as deeply spiritual, because they happen for me when I'm utterly open and have already had multiple orgasms, in short when my entire clitoris (i.e. the deeper tissues dubbed the G-spot) have been awakened. It is a very real phenomenon and I too have cried (in a good way) at its intensity. And I too feel compelled in wanting other women to experience it too, because it is something several levels of magnitude more opening, loving alive and ecstatic than the routine single orgasms that I have on ordinary days and have since I was younger. To me, her saying that these experiences are "emotional" was not her saying that they're sentimental or romantic--they are profound in that they awaken your entire body. When you experience the sensations or orgasm in the top of your head, you will understand what she meant by "emotional."

I don't preach this to assert some kind of superiority or to make women uncomfortable (let alone threatened), nor am I saying that they're bodies or responses should be or will be exactly like mine. But the fact that you get so much bullshit heaped upon you--it's not real, it's not possilble, she's full of it, how dare she?--again tells me that we live in a culture where too many women are at war with their own bodies and thus their own spirits.

Our bodies are capable of shit you cannot imagine unless you've been there. And I want every woman to get there to experience it's joy and release. Her need to share what she learned with other women totally resonates with me. I genuinely believe that if women experienced multiple G-spot derived orgasms that they would never tolerate slut shaming or selfish lovers ever, ever again.
15
hold on, hold on a minute maddy811. I, nor from a brief read through any of my fellow 'naysayers' were saying that female ejaculation doesn't exist or isn't awesome, or isn't possible for many women who thought it wasn't possible for them. Nor were we saying that sex/orgasms/ejactuation can't be powerful, profoundly emotional, etc, nor that sharing and educating around sex isn't great.
We were simply pointing out that the vehemence with which she declared that every single woman is biologically capable of ejaculating, and are perhaps defective if they don't (almost to the point of intimating that they're missing the whole point), and that it is almost definitely because of emotional/trauma repression was inaccurate, unhelpful and kind of sex-negative. Like you say, there are variations on the theme! I am 100% pro teaching 'the commonalities', but when that turns into preaching 'the rules', that becomes a problem for me.
Like some of the other commenters have said - some women ejaculate very easily, some discover it after a long search, and some never find it. Even among women who do ejaculate there are enormous differences in timing, quantity, sensation, control, regularity, etc etc. So to say 'it's this one thing and you must do it this way' just feels totally off.

Also, I hate to be the naysayiest! but in my experience, men who don't enjoy (or haven't yet enjoyed!) prostate play are THE MOST defensive and hostile about men who do... (it's gay, ew yuk, god & jesus, exit/entrance etc etc) no?

16
"But please stop insisting that all women should experience it--or not--as you do."

@14 If you were directing that comment at Rodriguez, you'd be dead on. She was the one insisting that all women can ejaculate (an opinion completely free of supporting evidence) and heavily hinting that if you can't, it's because you're emotionally repressed. Which is total bullshit, and I'm glad the other commenters covered this.

Hopefully next week's cast will return to the topic will at least some caller's comments. Because I'm all about the vulva puppets too, but this was just lame.
17
I'm hopping onto the naysayers's band wagon. Ms.Rodriguez's views reminded me of a book I read a while ago as parts of my BSc in Psychology, which was lying around on my shelf so I just reached for it: "Science and Pseudosience in clinical Psychology; Eds. Lilienfeld, Lynn & Lohr. 2003, The Guilford Press.

In the foreword, Carol Tavris lists widely held beliefs that have been discredited by empirical evidence. Among these beliefs are : "childhood trauma invariably produces emotional symptoms that carry on into adulthood; traumatic experiences are usually repressed; hypnosis can reliably uncover buried memories; hypnosis reliably uncovers accurate memories."
Sounds familiar?

Also, chapter 8 discusses problematic memory recovery techniques in psychotherapy. One of the chapters' authors, Elizabeth Loftus, is a huge name in the field of memory distortion and falsification. The chapter is completely based on scientific evidence, something Ms. Rodriguez doesn't seem too bothered with. Some examples:
"Most survivors of traumatic abuse past the age of 3 do not forget their abuse. In general, memory following traumatic events in enhanced relative to memory following nontraumatic events (p.230)". And also: "only a very small percentage of psychotherapy clients have problems that are
caused by non-remembered histories of abuse (P.230)".
The chapter also discusses how techniques meant to retrieve "repressed" memories of childhood sexual abuse can produce false memories, through suggestion and reinforcement from the therapist.

So before all of us non-squirters sign up for psychotherapy, maybe we should take a deep breath (the non new-agey type). And that's from someone who can climax 5-6 times
in a row during intercourse with zero extra clitoral stimulation, so I am pretty sure "repressed" doesn't defines me. Ejaculation sounds cool and I'm all for learning how to do it, but this woman sounds shady and unqualified. Oh, and yay vulva puppets!
18
1) Maddie either didn't bother to read any of the comments or really miscommunicated.
2)"I've never seen straight men who don't enjoy prostate play get so defensive and even hostile in the presence of straight men who do."
I have, regularly.
19
OOOooooh what a moral dilemma that woman is faced with in telling on her cheating friend. Yeah that was sarcasm. Bitch needs to STFU & get a life. Fuck people like this always gotta try to make everyone else around them moral and have a shitty life. Furthermore, I think this bitch wants her friends man, that's why she's tryin to sabotage their relationship.
20
Came here, like almost everyone else it seems, to call bullshit on Ms. Rodriguez. Ms. Rodriguez is not only blaming childhood trauma, but repressed childhood trauma for anorgasmia and inability to ejaculate. Repressed memories are pure and simple pseudoscience, and connecting this type of trauma with adult sexual dysfunction is discredited and damaging. There are interesting and informative things to say about female ejaculation, but that wasn't it. That was disinformation, ignorance, and a failure of critical thinking. Ugh.
21
I'm pretty sure women can pee while aroused as I sometimes get turned on by the sensation of needing to pee and have peed while having an orgasm, once accidentally while having intercourse (it smelled like urine, so I'm pretty certain) and once intentionally while I was masturbating.
22
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