Savage Love Episode 252


Great show Dan! :-*
To the vanilla woman:. Yes, group think exists in marginalized groups. Yes, members of said groups can manage their insecurities by ostracizing and judging people who aren't members. Yes, said people are smug, irritating, and can make you feel defensive and damaged. Yes, you should, as Dan said, hold your ground and tell them to fk off.

You are not, however, "discriminated against" unless these people deny you a job, housing, school admission, use of public facilities, pay you less and so on.

You are a victim of fear based thinking and rudeness, not discrimination.

For the war veteran, I'm really you told Dan about the bdsm adornments in your home, because usually when I hear military guys ranting about having to be PC in the states and that they're rejected by women because they're too honest, it's typically been because they say fked up shit about women, gay people, Muslims and other people of color. I have yet to meet a man who had a chip on his shoulder about being "PC" that didn't feel entitled to spewing some kind of bigotry. So, bravo to you for clarifying, and Dan is totally right about the importance of good judgment and boundaries when dating. Good luck to you!

I'm not Canadian, so I don't know for sure, but doesn't the Canadian Charter prevent job discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation? The woman could be as out as she wants and if they fire her for it they would be in deep fertilizer.
Take what survey?
Dan, I love it that you are 'out' as an asshole. That is most certainly part of your charm and a big part of what sets you apart as an advice columnist/podcaster.
What freaks the hell out of me is the fraction of women who have stated a preference to not use condoms with me. STI risks and the potential downsides of an unplanned pregnancy are both worse for women; WTF gives?
The overweight, recently-divorced guy who was too direct and crass seemed like he was dealing with a lot of insecurity and covering it up with repulsive behavior. Perhaps he fears rejection and thus doesn't give women a chance to reject him by being unappealing... which is more appealing to him because the rejection is brought on by his being "too real." This way he doesn't have to deal with the pain of being rejected due to his true sources of insecurity. It sounds like an important first step would be for the called to come to grips with who he is, learn to love that, then try dating again.
BDSM veteran sounds like he has a lot of attitudes holding himself back. Bravo, Dan, for helping to cut through some of it.
bravo to dan for being up front w/ war veteran about his possible 'bad judgement' issues. just like a single woman would be sure her vibrator is put away before her date comes over, he should 'clean up' around the house before his dates come over. it shows you care about what your date thinks of you.
Finally, the Sex at Dawn sponsorship we've all been waiting for. Bound to happen sooner or later. Still think that Dan needs to do some research into confirmation bias, or just read the Wikipedia entry on it:…
Dan, I know you don't usually read comments/letters on air, but I hope maybe you will read this one, so the BDSM Iraq Veteran listener will be sure to hear this.
As an Iraq/Afghanistan veterans myself I was told some of the same things when I returned, that I was 'too blunt' or 'to honest'. Also like the BDSM veteran I was injured in Iraq when my vehicle hit a roadside bomb. Some of the 'bluntness' and 'honesty' I displayed was anger at a civilian world who had no idea what less than one percent of their fellow citizens were facing in Iraq and Afghanistan.
I'm not going to diagnose my fellow veteran as having PTSD or anything like that, but it sounds like he could benefit from talking to a counselor. After going through a deployment, getting injured and coming home to a very different landscape than the one he left, that can really mess with a person. I know talking to a neutral party has helped me work through some readjustment issues I was facing. If BDSM Veteran doesn't have local resources he can contact Give an Hour ( or Military OneSource to access free, confidential counseling.
If he's looking for a social outlet to connect with people who know what he's going through I would recommend the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America's online community Community of Veterans ( sometimes the only person who can talk to a veteran, is another veteran. I wish him all the best in his endevors and hope he finds that special someone to beat the crap out of him.
You don't mention Ron Paul, Dan. While he does believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, (and I disagree with him on that) he has openly stated that he would not allow the federal government to interfere with any individual state that voted to make gay marriage legal. He is the only candidate who does not pander to his audience, and as Jon Stewart once pointed out in an interview with him, he has "consistent, principled integrity." When he says it, he means it.
I second 12/dragonrose's comment: What about Ron Paul?!
I hope you take some time to really look at what he believes and what he would do as President. How ironic that an alternative media source did what the MSM does by not mentioning the most unique, qualified and leading Republican candidate. I usually vote Libertarian or Democratic and will vote for him. Consider Ron Paul. I would love to hear your thoughts, Dan!
oh for fuck sake. they are only breasts, why would you not look at them? why is that even a question? why wouldn't she just show you? you guys are so weird about bodies, i guess it's an american thing? but still... weird.