To the pee shy lady... I know you can't do it with him in the room, have you tried peeing with the door open? Get started with him no where to be seen, then he can maybe walk by while you're mid stream? Just a thought to get started!

Dan, could you please make more of an effort to distinguish between paedophilia and child sexual abuse? Not all paedophiles act on their desires, and I think it's important to use the right terms (especially when urging others not to conflate homosexuality with paedophilia). Thanks!

If you are so unsure about birth control, you should be using condoms (particularly if you don't know each other super well - it wasn't really clear how long you've been together and how many times you've seen each other). I agree that for your first time it would be ok to go without and to take Plan B (I have taken Plan B a couple of times myself after 2 separate mishaps with condoms), but even if you did wear a condom, it would still be "the real thing" (your words, not mine). When my husband and I first started dating, we opted to use condoms and birth control because we were not financially stable enough to have children and wanted to lower the risk. Now we just use condoms because birth control does not agree with me, and after 6 years of using only condoms, we have not had any unwanted pregnancies.

As Dan said, "the worst case scenario" is definitely worth talking about. And keep in mind that even if you were to both agree on abortion before getting pregnant, either of you could feel differently if it ever did happen. Not trying to scare you away from sex - sex rocks (though the first time is overrated if you ask me ... but no one did so I'll shut up). Have fun! :)

#6- Didn't it bother you that the virgin's assessment of sex with a condom was that it wasn't real? And that sex without a condom provided more "intimacy"? I can't remember his exact words, it was something to that effect. I was disappointed Dan didn't call him out on that. That kid has some pretty rigid ideas about what good sex is and isn't, and he hasn't even started his sexual career! Now I need to go inform my husband of 14 years that we haven't been having real sex all this time....

Auto-fellatio guy! I would be SO curious to know what that looks like! Good for you! If I was sleeping with a guy who's dick was so big he could suck it, let me tell you, I wouldn't run away from that at all. Hahahaha! As a woman, I'm beyond jealous of you right now.

Guys, give the condom kid a break. He's inexperienced with sex but it sounds to me like he's being super thoughtful and smart about safety. I loved Dan's advice. My first time, my bf and I were both virgins and we wanted skin to skin, too. I was on birth control. It was FINE.

Caller who complained about the eating on the podcast and then described in great detail the chewing, the food mixing with saliva, the lip smacking...that was grosser than the actual eating I heard. :)

Personally, I think the girl virgin should be worried about whether the first time will even be worth it with no condoms. I've only fucked one virgin, but from what I've heard, virgin boys don't tend to last long. In general, condoms help guys last longer by reducing sensation.

#7- Yes that did bother me and I completely agree with you!

For the pee shy girl, she could try peeing into a jar in the next room and immediately pouring it on her boyfriend. It probably won't fulfill his fetish in the same way, but it might help him feel closer to geting his fantasy. Perhaps if she gets used to handling her pee around him, she might start to feel more comfortable with peeing in front of him. :)

For the auto-fellator, do what you love! If a girl can't handle it, dump her. Most sex-positive, open minded women will appreciate your skill.

Guy on a break: She's almost certainly boning someone else for the month. Just sayin. I've seen it ... but at least she's telling you you're on a break. I've known young women who "broke up" with their distant boyfriends for a day or two to get their fuck on, then reunited afterwards, all unbeknownst to their boyfriends, although gleefully beknownst to everyone around them.

Guests: You should log in. It's gotten so bad with the hater-trolls that I assume all guest comments are right-wing nastiness and ignore them without opening. I assume I'm not alone in that.

To Pee Shy Lady: I had the SAME problem. (I often can't even pee in public restrooms.) It was infuriating. Ultimately, I learned how to squirt, and though it isn't pee, my husband loves it and the volume is practically as much. Plus, although female ejaculate is NOT pee, if you drink fluids before squirting, the volume does increase. I never thought I could learn to squirt, but I got an instructional DVD and was amazed how quickly it worked.

Hey Dan. Truly sad and horrified about the abuse these boys were subjected to at Penn State. But even more so the fact that there was no immediate action taken against this. As for those who believe homosexuality and pedophilia are synonyms they can shove it up their ass (wait... they might actually like it).

On another note, bummed at Lucy's absence but overjoyed to hear she is coming back in the next podcast. Love you Dan. :)

Re.The guy who's on a "break" with his girlfriend:
Sadly, I feel like he could have been talking about me when I was younger. I was just like this girl: struggling with depression, no libido, but ending up in relationships with super nice guys who loved me, even though I was pretty ambivalent about them. I say "ended up" in relationships because that's how it was at that time: the guy would really push for a commitment, and I'd go along with it because I genuinely liked him and wanted to spend time with him, but romantically and sexually I felt nothing. Of course that really sucked, both for them and for me, so inevitably we would drift apart, usually after a year or two, and since I was too chicken-shit to break up with them properly I would do one of these gradual breakups like this guy's girlfriend is doing. It's a shitty thing to do, I know that now, but at the time I genuinely thought it would be LESS painful.
Of course I don't know for sure that this girl is doing that, but hearing how the guy described the situation... it sounds so familiar. So my advice to the guy would be basically the same as Dan's. Break up with her. If she wants you back, she'll come after you, and you can renegotiate then, but I don't think she will. And I think in the long run that will be better for you.

I love Lucy. Can't wait 'till next week.

Guy on a break: Dump her, dump her, dump her!!! You are lying to yourself when you say that you are willing to deal with the problems and the lack of sex because everything else is just so wonderful. This relationship is NOT wonderful and you know it. She is not who you want and I'm sorry, my friend, but she is PLAYING YOU for a fool right now. I know this because I used to be in your shoes. Now I'm going through a divorce after nearly 15 years and two kids. Don't waste a decade and a half of your life like I did. Find someone who actually likes sex as much as you do. They're out there. "I want a break but I don't know what that means" is a childish cop out. She knows exactly what she wants - to fuck other people - she just won't tell you. Call her on it and she'll lie. Please, for the love of all that is good, dump her emotionally manipulative ass and find a decent woman.

#13: I don't read the guest comments, either. People should log in if they have something good to say and want people to see it. :)

How about Pee-Shy piss on the guy in the shower as it runs?

I TOTALLY agree with the caller commenting on the chewing. So glad I am not the only one. Nearly made me stop to that particular episode, and probably would stop if it happened again. And we're not alone: the NPR podcasters who recommend other podcasts mention whether there is chewing or eating whenever it's relevant (e.g. Mike & Tom Eat Snacks). I agree with the commenter that it's gross and thoughtless - and also that I love the podcast!

Anyone remember the name of the product for period-sex? Sounded nifty. Period-sex is kind of a pain, clean up wise.

It's a few days after the podcast came out so I don't know if this is check much, but Dan don't be swayed by the people who are getting upset about you eating on the podcast. I thought it was quite endearing to hear you chewing while talking. Please eat more during the coming podcasts.

Can't wait for Lucy to come back! Seriously, I loved her... Can this just officially be the Lucy and Savage Love Show?

Huge assumption with the cousins that the guy was some sort of ass. How come? I like to picture him as a gorgeous model working in Europe who women can't resist.

To Pee Shy Lady: I assume you are able to pee with him in the house unless your living arrangements are unusual, so I would try slowly moving him closer with his agreement to not try to come any further than you let him. Even if you have to start with him upstairs and you downstairs with the door unlocked but not open, keep moving him closer and opening the door more until you can do it with him there.
Other ideas that might get you more used to it, pee with the door closed but knowing he's out there and specifically listening for it. Pee with him blindfolded, and wearing headphones so he can't see or hear it, then remove one then the other, in time as you get more comfortable. Even think of him when you're peeing alone. The idea is to slowly expand the situations in which you are capable of peeing, in the tiniest teeny baby steps, until eventually (it may be a long time, don't get discouraged) you can do it with him there. Chip in around the edges of your problem and watch as it grows smaller.

Dan

Your rant on misuse of the penn state scandal was off base. Besides the horrible impacts of violent sex crime on victims, the entire campus and town had their worlds turned upside down, generations of families growing up believing in Joe pa. The riot wasn't a simple animalistic straight response regarding football games, it was a group of people who were angry at the media and generally shocked and confused. Sexuality has nothing to do with it, as it doesn't have to do with the pedafilia in the first place.

I love your show, but you should be more sensitive when picking topics for your gay talking points.

My darling Virgins: congrats! It seems like you are a couple that is asking the right questions and I hope you have an awesome sex life!

3 things--
1)If she is taking her birth control properly, your risks are very low. I have been using hormonal birth control exclusively for several years and had no problem.

2) I disagree with the "take plan B" plan. Before I was using hormonal birth control I used it on two occasions and had really horrible side effects (nausea, cramping, 12 hours of hell) It is not
Uncommon for women to experience such side effects as plan B is essentially just a super huge dose of hormonal birth control.

3) I'd consider other barrier methods if you are really worried. Unless she is using the Nuva ring, spermicide or the vaginal contraceptive film may give you a little extra protection if you are really worried. When I first started on the pill I used VCF because I was nervous. It was a great barrier method and you cannot feel it at all as it totally dissolves. Or, ultra thin condoms such as skyn might be an option.

Good luck!

I LOVE LUCY! I hope she'll do guest spots and if I lived in NYC, I'd meet her at the airport to be that "first person" she saw. Make her a regular, Dan, please.

Also, gotta say it, no more eating while recording, please. Ew!

I LOVE LUCY! I hope she'll do guest spots and if I lived in NYC, I'd meet her at the airport to be that "first person" she saw ;-) Make her a regular, Dan, please.

Also, gotta say it, no more eating while recording, please. Ew!

The virgin couple -- don't encourage the guy to foist all of the responsibility onto the woman (birth control AND morning after can make you sick). And I hope he doesn't become one of those assholes who incessantly nags his gf about pills but refuses to wear a condom or take any responsibility for himself.