That kid who is "bi" but can't get off with his girl without thinking about his best friend ... he's young, I'll cut him a little slack, but he still pissed me off ... x2.

First of all, gay, bi, straight, it's a shitty thing to do to not man (or woman) up and end it because you're afraid of hurting her feelings. The key word there is "afraid." It's never about your concern for their feelings; if it were, you'd end it. If you're dragging it out, it's because you have a problem with your own fear. So let's place the responsibility where it belongs. Come out or don't, whatever, but orientation is not the key issue here. Straight guys can and do end up in relationships where they're not buying the same vision of the future.

Secondly, I am a bi guy and I have never had to think of a guy to get off when I'm with a woman. I love eating pussy but I also like to suck cock from time to time. So I get tired of these people who say they're bi as a way of saying "Gay Lite." Here's a clue: if you don't have a sexual response to women, you're not bi!

OK, so I'm trying to cut that 18-year-old "bi" weenie a little slack 'cause he's young, but he's doing two things that piss me off.

First of all, when it comes to breaking up with his girlfriend, I don't think orientation even enters into it. You can be totally straight and still be scared to break up because you'll "hurt someone's feelings." This kid should absolutely come out, but he has a responsibility to his girlfriend to not treat her in a shitty manner whether he wants to fuck men, women, both, squirrels, or whatever. Being that afraid to hurt someone's feelings is more about your fear than it is their feelings.

Secondly, I am bi. I love eating pussy and I like to suck a nice cock from time to time. When I'm with a woman, I don't have to think about a dude to get off. And vice versa. "Bi" means "two," not "Gay Lite." If you only have a sexual reaction to one gender, you ain't bi!

Mr Fish - As I've stated before, we could derive great benefit from multiple subcategories of "bi", a word which I put in the Humpty Dumpty category of meaning what its speaker wants (or pays) it to mean. I know people who would gladly claim Mr Savage for the B box if he didn't strike them as just a bit too unpleasant.

Andy Gibb? Interesting. Then again, who else was there in that time period? Bjorn Borg was a little too old, perhaps. Stefan Edberg is perhaps closest to Mr Savage in age, but probably came along just a bit too late. I suppose singers have the advantage over athletes of being more associated with affairs of the heart. Now I'll probably spend the whole day mentally constructing some sort of time line, if not a hierarchy.

The girl that has the dentist fetish, could also search for a dental hygienist, since she is only looking for dental cleaning.
I bet there are many more dental hygienists than dentists, which broadens the search field.

To the gentleman who is worried about his finances, Dan's right, you need to be dividing the bills in a more EQUITABLE manner, not an EQUAL manner. My ex-husband earned three times what I was bringing in from student income, and we arranged it so that he paid two-thirds of the shared bills and rent, while I paid a third and took care of the car insurance. It was an arrangement that allowed us to enjoy some measure of comfort. Whenever I brought in more income, it just meant we had some extra money for a rainy day.

It's hella scary to open that conversation, but it sounds like she's concerned about the financial pressure you face, so I think you're already in a position to have this conversation.

Plus, these arrangements aren't forever. Once things even out a bit, you can both change the breakdown of responsibility.

I've traditionally made more money than my partner but there have been times of unemployment for me and I've had to rely on her help, which she was happy to give. For us, if we pool everything together it actually doesn't help. It causes stress and resentment and arguments. If we have separate accounts it helps, we save easier and feel more in control not only of our own finances but of our joint financial picture. I agree with Dan that bills need to be split fairly, not just 50/50.

One big thing that didn't get mentioned, however, is that this guy needs to budget and he needs to be able to say no. If he only has $20 to last him the rest of the week, he should not be going out to eat, he should be offering to cook dinner for the both of them and suggesting they stay in and watch a netflix movie. There's no shame in it, she may offer to pay if she really wants to go and he can decide whether his pride will let him do that. He needs to figure out how to set aside $5-10 per week so that at the end of the month he can take his lady out for drinks or dinner, if it's something that is important to him and to her.

A living wage is becoming more and more of a cloudy intangible concept these days and living within your means takes a lot of discipline when you're in the middle of a debt-based society, but budgeting really helps.

Income worrying guy: as the above poster said, learn how to say no. I too would feel really uncomfortable pooling my finances with another person.

Bring this up with your girlfriend. Tell her that you are struggling to meet your expenses and you can't afford all these nights out and vacations. If she wants to continue doing those things, she will either step up and pay a larger fraction, or y'all can find some less expensive alternatives.

It's the deceit that gets me. Putting one over on the dentist. It's icky. It's somehow different with the foot fetishist shoe salesman--well, not somehow different: obviously different. The fetish is inherent in the process. Unless you're a paraplegic, you don't need a person to kneel on the floor in front of you and put shoes on your feet and take them off again while you loll in a chair. So if you're up at the mall having your feet serviced when you could be on Zappos, then we can assume you and the pervy salesman share the same proclivities and that that transaction is entirely aboveboard. You DO need someone who has been through ruinously expensive gray-hair-inducing dental school to look at your teeth, and even if you are successfully concealing your real motives, you're still objectifying the dentist, who is in good faith providing his/her hard won expertise. I think it's underhanded. He's probably still paying off his loans, and there you are, writhing around in his chair using him for his novocaine? It's demoralizing. Don't do it.

Besides the ethics, there's the aesthetics, and those are off, too. The machinations you're going through destroy what's appealing about the scene in the first place. The dentist, with his deep concern for your oral hygiene and his beautiful black eyes, taking your head in his warm, blue-nitrile-covered hands, issuing simple commands, calling your teeth by their individual little numbers and addressing each one personally, wielding his series of shiny sharps, asking you intimate questions about your flossing routine. That's more than enough! Don't you know how lucky you are that your dentists have all been hot? Do you know what most of us suffer through twice a year, dentist-wise? Just appreciate what you have and don't get all baroque with a secret agent in the lobby and a remote controlled device and wreck a good thing.

@1

I agree 100%. Which is also my reasoning that if you've cheated on your partner you need to tell them, even if you're "afraid" of hurting them, and your relationship. One of the only things I find myself in disagreement with Dan about on a regular basis. It's an issue of respect, full disclosure is the only way your partner (who you claim to care about) can make informed decisions about what's best for their life.

Why doesn't the woman who wants a kinky dentist just try to date dentists? If you develop a relationship with a dentist maybe they'd be more likely to do it.

Finance guy: stop picking up the check _at random_. Instead, agree that the two of you will take turns being responsible for the night's entertainment. When it is your turn to run the date, then entertain her according to your budget. If that means she takes you to Broadway shows while you take her to a matinee movie, so be it. That isn't unfair; nobody is making her outspend you.

By the way, it sounds like the two of you have set up living arrangements according to her budget, not yours, and that _is_ unfair. If you were just roommates, you would find a roommate situation in a place that you can afford. You should not be expected to subsidize a shared life that you cannot afford your half of. Either downsize so that 50/50 split is financially feasible to you as well as her, or else let her take full responsibility for her own champagne tastes.

Kinky dentist woman needs to understand that foisting this on an unsuspecting dentist could very well cost him his license, if something went wrong and news of what she was doing got out. It amounts to sexual contact with patients, an egregious ethics violation -- and good luck persuading a tribunal that you were just an unsuspecting foil for your patient. For that same reason I seriously doubt that any dentist would knowingly agree to it.

There are many doctor-patient relationships, dentists included.

The urine fan could seek confidential advice from a mentor or another doctor. She wouldn't be the first in this position.

Oh god, listened to the comment about breast feeding. What is wrong with people? Unless the teenage boy has a fetish about breast feeding then it is really unlikely to turn him on. It usually looks like an baby animal feeding off a teet. A lot of guys avert their eyes because the whole process is far away from erotic. I swear some people need assess their attitudes towards breasts- their original purpose is to feed infants not turn on crowds of wanking teenage boys.
Finally, does it not occur to the caller that there are many more instances in which guys fantasied about random women they saw on the street???

I agree. Anything which mixes dentistry, however vestigially, with sex is going to put the dentist in real professional jeopardy. I'm surprised Dan didn't make a bigger deal of that. That's true of any traditional profession: professor, doctor, attorney, accountant, architect, etc.

Yes, a straight teenage boy will get a charge out of a jiggle and a flash of nipple no matter what the circumstances. And most women with small babies are still fairly young and fairly attractive but that doesn't matter. The novelty of a bare tit is what matters. Now, after a guy has grown up a little and been with some women, then it becomes much more matter-of-fact when someone is breastfeeding.

@22: You fail to realize: Men are much more likely to be considered creepy weirdos than women. And this is not a sexist thing. It's a fact, because literally 90% of people who break the law are men. So, a man who drags his kink into an everyday dental situation would be considered much more fear-worthy than a woman doing the same.

[Full disclosure: I was blown away by that call and the urologist call too :3]

Cream Pie Guy: It could be that she doesn't like it when you bring her all the way to orgasm and then start PIV because once she's had her orgasm she is basically done in various ways (beginning to dry, continued stimulation is overstimulating or painful), so she likes sex better on the way up the arousal curve rather than on the way down the far side of it.

Or maybe she is a cream-pie fetishist and secretly enjoys subjecting you to that, who knows? Bottom line, you are within your rights to say, "No, I don't enjoy tasting that, please find another solution."

The first other solution seems pretty obvious to me: Is there a reason you can't use your fingers to finish her, on those times when you prefer to come inside? Either pull out and then use your tongue, or don't pull out and then use your fingers. Any reason that's not an acceptable option?

Dr. Pee-Pee: As a lifelong incontinent person, I would treasure you as my doctor. You might want to consider that when choosing the focus of your urology career - providing cures and fixes vs. long-term case management, etc.

Just want to reinforce that point about how easy it is for a closet case to pull off a long-distance "beard" relationship for the entirety of college. You never have to deal with her, she serves exactly the right purpose when you come home, and you can do whatever you want on your own time. I've known several people who went through that experience on both sides of the situation.

@22. wtf are you doing listening to Dan Savage podcast and proudly admitting that you are "normal"? You can listen to people talk about dolphins fucking girls, pedophiles, and a fetish about eating diarrhea after the sub eats bananas, but a light dental kink blows your mind?

I agree with the fish man. Its NOT kind or noble to stay in a sexual relationship with a person for whom you have no sexual response. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to them. It won't take long before she is aware of the situation and unless she dumps you, she'll begin the dangerous game of informing her self worth and self esteem via "her inability to elicit any kind of response from the man who loves her."

I'm late to this - just catching up on the podcast and I wanted to say this was an eye-opening and hilarious episode, esp. since fiance is a med. professional.

It got even better for me when, though I have no medical or dental fetish, I was getting my teeth cleaned this morning - the morning after listening to the podcast. My hygienist who is quite attractive is also quite pregnant and wears glasses and I kind of go in for both of those things...and I have no idea how we got onto fetishes anyway, but it was even more fun to tell her about this podcast (she did not know of Dan). I deeply appreciate the stealth ninja opportunity of telling my hot hygienist that I think she's kind of hot and she hits a few of my personal little kinks.

I just did a quick web search on Pastor jack schaap... This guy really needs to call into your show Dan, clearly he has some questions that need to be answered.. :)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/14…