Whos gonna pay for it?! We are!
Who's gonna pay for it?! We are! ELFLACODELNORTE/GETTY

According to Department of Homeland Security officials (and Fox News), Trump's goddamn-no-good-very-fucking-stupid border wall—which, if it happens, either the American taxpayers or these idiots on GoFundMe are going to pay for—will consist of 215 miles of a “wall system” on the southern border. This "wall system" will supposedly include some fencing, some border patrol agents, and some cameras for the low, low price of $5 billion up front and up to $25 billion later on. Seems like a good use of taxpayer dollars to keep out the poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free, but here are a few other ways we could spend the $5 billion that Trump is threatening to shut down the government over:

•Pay the annual salary of 125,000 teachers

•Pay the annual salary of 71,428 nurses

•Provide a year of housing for 500,000 homeless people

•Fund 250,000 domestic adoptions

•Fund the annual treatment of 250,000 people living with AIDS

•Pay off 134,509 average student loans

•Operate an earthquake warning system on the West Coast for 310 years

•Fund The Stranger for five years

•Buy 25 million ounces of weed

•Buy 2 billion tacos

•Give everyone in America $15.35

What do we need more, a border wall or 2 billion tacos? One is going to hurt immigrants, property owners, butterflies, jaguars, and the ecosystem, and the other tastes great with salsa and sour cream. I know which one gets my vote.