It don't breathe and it don't bleed
it's locked its jaws and now it's swallowing
The music coming out of my speakers was from the Afghan Whigs' album Gentlemen. I was sitting at my desk in the proverbially funky office of a dying startup that had been bleeding employees for a few weeks. I had finally decided to quit my job. I couldn't stay there any longer and watch my colleagues (my friends) mourning the loss of our glorious website.
I've got a dick for a brain
and my brain is gonna sell my ass to you
A bigwig in the porn industry had funded us. He gave us a million dollars and said, "Here, build a web magazine that isn't porn." So we did. And it was the coolest place I've ever worked. As far as I was concerned, it was the perfect blend of work and play: The harder I worked, the more fun it was.
This ain't about regret
it's when I tell the truth
But it ended as abruptly as it had begun. The porn guy called up and said, "Okay, you're not making any money, and my porn sites are. So if you want to keep working for me, you're going to have to stop doing that magazine and write copy for one of my new porn websites." And just like that, although none of us had anything against porn, it wasn't our web magazine anymore.
I get to dress up and play the assassin again
it's my favorite -- it's got personality
So people began quitting. But a few of us stayed behind, working the new porn site, watching everybody else disappear. Somebody moved to L.A. and got a six-figure job. Somebody else joined a new startup that had just gotten a zillion dollars out of some venture capital corporation. I had started looking for another job, too. It was like going back to dating after having been in a relationship you didn't want to end. It actually hurt. It was like being assassinated, but without any fanfare.
Let me drink, let me tie it off
I'm really slobbering now
I started getting stoned and eating all the time. I went out and bought all three Harry Potter novels and read them whenever my mind started to wander -- I wanted a powerful fantasy to take me away from that depressing office, day after day. Everybody else who was working the porn site was doing similar things. And you know what? The porn sucked. It wasn't even a quality porn site.
I wanna leave you
but I just can't leave you
I cranked it up and filled the empty office with a wailing male voice. Four desks over, one of the remaining employees looked at me sadly. "Is that Dinosaur Jr.?" he asked. "Nope," I said, staring at a blank wall.