endorsments: November 4, 2001

MAYOR: VOTE FOR CRISTAL OLIVIA WOOD

The Stranger Death Squad's admiration for this impassioned yet polite young candidate just keeps growing and growing. Miss Wood, a local member of Debutantes for Nader, simply blew us away during her endorsement interview. Not only did Miss Wood identify the source of Seattle's transportation problems (the two-party duopoly), she also nailed the cause of Seattle's housing crisis (the two-party duopoly) and the primary threat to Northwest salmon (the two-party duopoly). Miss Wood may be a long-shot candidate, and she may need some assertiveness training if she's going to get anywhere at city hall, but she won our endorsement with her blistering insights and award-winning lemon pound cake.


endorsments: April 14, 1996

VOTE YES ON I-462!Segregation Initiative Makes Sense

For years the bisexual community in Washington state has been telling us that gays and straights alike discriminate against them. Bisexuals are special, they claim, in as much as everybody seems to hate them. Well, what better way to show the bisexuals just how special they are than by setting aside two percent of Seattle's water fountains for bisexuals only? If I-462 passes, the city will have to clearly label 98 percent of the water fountains in Seattle "Monosexuals Only." The other two percent of water fountains, primarily centralized in the Phinney Ridge area, will be labeled "Bisexuals Only." I-462 is a common-sense measure, it's good for Seattle, and it's good for bisexuals. It's also good for the gays--quite frankly, we're tired of having to share our drinking fountains with bisexuals. As for the straight community, they'll lap up any chance to avoid slurping alongside the carping, griping members of Seattle's bisexual community. Vote yes on I-462.


STRANGER ADVERTISEMENT: November 18, 1999

I AM A DANGEROUS TERRORIST HAT

from The StrangerAvailable Now! Only $5!

Nothing welcomes the World Trade Organization to Seattle like wearing one of our "I Am a Dangerous Terrorist" hats! On November 30, the World Trade Organization will hold its last meeting of the century--right here in Seattle! Government officials, journalists, and protesters from more than 135 countries will be in attendance--and guarding over all of them will be one of the largest security forces ever assembled in our city's history. Here's your chance to crack these guys up by wearing one of The Stranger's handsome "I Am a Dangerous Terrorist" hats. Each fashionable hat is black with white embroidered lettering, and can be adjusted to fit a melon of any size. But wait! Long after the WTO has left Seattle, you can still enjoy your "I Am a Dangerous Terrorist" hat. It's the perfect accessory for:

• Waiting in lines at airports

• Stating your case in traffic court

• Presidential candidate visits

• Vacationing in Belfast, Tel Aviv, or Moscow

• Shopping at Westlake Center

You can buy your hat for only $5 at one of these fine local businesses:

Scarecrow Video--5030 Roosevelt Way NE

Glamorama--3414 Fremont Place N

Easy Street Records--4559 California Ave. SW

Lucky Devil--1720 12th Ave. & 4423 Rainier

Fallout Records--1506 E. Olive Way

Singles Going Steady--2219 Second Ave.

Haberdasher to the well-dressed terrorist

since 1991.

May 18, 1998

Hunchback: The Rock MusicalA Brilliant Idea That Cannot Fail by Matthew RichterTHEATER PREVIEW

Since its publication in 1831, Victor Hugo's Hunchback of Notre Dame has enjoyed an enduring life in the world's imagination. But after nearly 170 years of universal renown, buoyed by countless interpretations and re-interpretations, it would seem nothing more could be done with Hugo's romantic masterwork. But then came C. Rainey Lewis, a songwriter, singer, and actress who realized what Hunchback has been missing from the beginning. Now, with the aid of local theater visionary David Morden, the ambitious Ms. Lewis is poised to reinvent Hugo's classic--with a power dose of rock 'n' roll!


October 23, 2000

Homelessness Is BadA Photo Essay by Brian Matlin

Evicted from her home late last winter, this woman (who wishes to remain anonymous) has lived on the streets ever since. "I manage," she says, but her eyes tell a different tale.

a look back at...February 7, 2000

I Want to Pork Leslie Miller!by Dan Lewis, KOMO 4

Here's a news FLash: I want to pork Leslie Miller!

Every night I sit at my desk and read the news, but all I can think about is Leslie Miller, and how badly I want to pork her. There could be some terrible story breaking--like a hit-and-run in Kirkland--but all I can think about is Leslie Miller. God, I want to pork her! Not only is she the best thing at Q13, she's hands-down the hottest reporter in Seattle (runner up: that Hispanic woman at KIRO). Man, what I wouldn't give for just one night of sweet, sweet porking with Leslie Miller. She can report on my top story any day!

August 28, 1995

I Can't Wait to Kill the President by Bradley Steinbacher

You know what I can't wait to do? Kill the president. Oh man, I can't wait to get my hands on him! That smug bastard must not be allowed to live one second longer. I'm gonna show him what's what, you can be sure of that! Start counting, "President"--for your time's a-comin'! Do you hear me knockin', "Prez"? You better, 'cause I'm sure as hell coming in!

May 16, 1993

Sexy, Sexy Five-Year-Old

Look at this five-year-old. Who wouldn't want to hold such a sexy five-year-old? She's so young and firm and sexy. Don't you just want to kiss and cuddle her? Look at her. Look at that sexy five-year-old. Sexy, sexy five-year-old.


COLUMN: September 3, 1998

GEOV POLITIK

Geov Parrish

Breaking the Monopoly

Last week, I looked at Seattle's one-party system, and at the Seattle Greens' attempt to break the Democratic monopoly on public office, purse strings, and power.

But there is one other effort underway locally to disrupt graft as usual. It's the Seattle chapter of a national third-party effort, the Labor Party, backed by several prominent national unions: among others, the United Mine Workers; Oil, Chemical & Atomic Workers; American Federation of Government Employees; and the United Electrical, Radio and Machine Workers of America.


COLUMN: March 1, 1995

G-SPOT INKWELL

by Inga MuscioI Don't Know How to Have Sex (Part 1)

The day 1995 commenced, I was on Broadway and this Indian gentleman came up an' asked for spare change. Due to the ever-increasing cost of living, I don't believe in spare change anymore, so I gave him a dollar.

He goes, "Hey, did you get any for New Year's?"

I thought, "That's not something I talk to people I don't know about," and figured he was perving. But I looked into his nice, slightly bloodshot eyeballs, and decided he wasn't perving at all.


FEATURE: April 4, 1996

Is Lite Jazz Too Beige?In Seattle, the Smooth Sounds of Saxophones Gloss Over a Problem Few are Willing to Address

by Mike RominoI'm sitting in Swan's Jazz Gazebo at 3:30 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon, watching the all-beige lite jazz combo Windswept finish their sound check. As the band works through the last changes of "Placid #2," their signature tune, a black waiter refills a pitcher of Tom Collins mixer at the lip of the stage and walks away shaking his head. The players lay down their instruments and grab a drink, and I walk up to Rerun (as I'll call him) and ask why he's so upset. "Aw, man, it's just--" Rerun hesitates. "We all know that the best accompaniment to a special dinner is the right music, right? Selected to enhance the mood rather than detract from conversation?" I nod in agreement. "So why can't a motherfuckin' nigga get a shot at playin' his GOT-damn clarinet up in this bitch?" Why indeed.


MOVIE TIMES: September 15, 2001

TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME