Endorphins are a myth, right up there with female orgasms and Sasquatch. In reality, the only thing that makes exercise worthwhile is heavy drinking afterward. So here's what you should do: Bike your ass to the Redhook Brewery in Woodinville via the scenic Burke-Gilman and Sammamish River Trails, toast the 20-mile ride with a beer tour ($1, including four sample glasses, 21+) or wine tasting from neighboring Chateau Ste. Michelle, and then bike your ass home. Boasting a total elevation gain of only 288.71 feet, you don't have to be fit or fast to enjoy this ride—just thirsty. (www.ste-michelle.com, www.redhook.com) CIENNA MADRID
Bike racing is nifty—watching people go faster than you can imagine is actually a whole lot of fun. Track racing is the fastest of all: Dudes and chicks pedal so damn hard that they occasionally break their chains or faces. Each summer, there's a big race that goes on under the lights, à la Breaking Away. Some of it is confusing and boring, but seeing two dudes bumping elbows on a banked track at 40 miles an hour is a blast. Of course, there's beer. Yay beer! (July 20–21, Marymoor Velodrome, Redmond, www.velodrome.org/marymoorgrand prix, $5) MIKE GORE
The man at the bike-rental shop in Friday Harbor, on San Juan Island, made it seem like riding a tandem bicycle would be difficult. He offered vague yet complicated instructions with a warning tone. Turns out it's easy as pie, and my god, the island's curving country roads are beautiful, and you can stop at a winery, and then there's the sheer joy of a dromedary standing in a field across the way. Maybe the bike-shop man just makes you think it's hard so that it's all the more pleasing how well you two do. (Island Bicycles, Friday Harbor, www.islandbicycles.com; San Juan Vineyards, www.sanjuanvineyards.com) BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT
Did you know that Seattle claims to be the founding city for—and the inventor of—modern hard-court bike polo? It's the focus of a neat new documentary film called Hit 'Em in the Mouth. I believe this to be true, because I've watched many a game, for years, on Monday nights at the Cal Anderson Park tennis courts. It's an unbelievable sport to watch. I have no idea how the players stay on their bikes and don't, somehow, accidentally knock every tooth out of their heads with those mallets. The 206 Bike Polo Crew now teaches newbie classes on Sunday afternoons, same tennis courts, from 2 to 4 p.m. Join the revolution (and don't forget your mouth guard!). (Cal Anderson Park tennis courts, E Pine St and Nagle Pl, www.seattlebikepolo.com) KELLY O
