Breakdancing at the Beacon

Massive Monkees, Seattle's best and only world-champion breakdancing crew, now have a permanent home in the International District called the Beacon. And what do they do there? They teach regular ol' non-world-champs HOW TO DANCE! The long list of evening and weekend classes for adults include Beginning Breakin', Boogaloo, and Hip-Hop Choreography. The neatest and sweetest classes, though, are the ones for kids and toddlers. Ooh, and the after-school programs geared toward middle and high school students. In these, the Monkees mentor and transform regular kids into confident, empowered, badass superhero kids. And who doesn't wanna see their son or daughter learn how to rule the frickin' world? (The Beacon, 664 S King St, $10–$15) KELLY O

Letterpress Printmaking at SVC

Making prints the old-fashioned way is not only plain old-fashioned good times—you're playing with movable type, cutting patterns into blocks, getting inky, and rolling giant old wheels over paper and metal—it also creates art. This is how basically all printing was done from Gutenberg to the 19th century. In Seattle, the best and friendliest place to learn is the School of Visual Concepts. There's always a class on: Check the schedule online. There's also a celebration and open house for the school's studio every fall; this year, it's 1 to 6 p.m. on September 7. Tradition holds that dozens of prints will be hung so that they dangle off the school's balconies overlooking Aurora, waving in the wind. (School of Visual Concepts, 500 Aurora Ave N,, $195–$525) JEN GRAVES

Take a Taxidermy Class

Death is a natural part of life, and so is your desire to skin a frozen rabbit, replace its insides with family-friendly cotton, and pose it on your mantel. Fortunately for budding taxidermy lovers, Ohio native and self-taught taxidermy instructor Mickey Alice Kwapis is returning to Seattle for another weekend of beginning taxidermy classes, in which students will learn precisely those skills, as well as get tips on how to ethically acquire future corpses for taxidermying. Fear not, animal lovers: Students practice on frozen rabbits salvaged from a meat-processing plant that would otherwise trash them. (Sept 13–15, the Belfry, 309 Third Ave S,, $200) CIENNA MADRID

Learn to Make Kimchi

Artisanal rotting vegetables are the ragey new rage in Seattle, according to Seattle's budding community of faux homesteaders. It's easy to see why. Cabbage-based fermented foods like sauerkraut and kimchi are full of deliciously sour probiotics and other magical properties that do everything from aid digestion to help stifle yeast infections, on top of being motherfucking delicious. Thanks to monthly fermentation classes taught at Ballard's Firefly Kitchens, you can learn to rot your vegetables right and leave with two jars of fresh kraut. Check out their website for up-to-date class schedules, or contact them to schedule your own private lesson. (Firefly Kitchens, 844 NW 49th St,, $55) CIENNA MADRID

Learn to Make Tamales

Pork lard is involved in El Centro de la Raza's traditional tamale recipe, and they will not skip the pork lard during their monthly tamale- making class, and they are not apologizing for it. This class is also for adults only; it lasts two and a half hours, and it takes a mature mind to absorb the mysteries of the tamale. Embrace the pork lard and learn the secrets, and take home a dozen tamales of your own making at the end, plus the ability to make tamales for the rest of your natural life. (They'll give you a vegetarian recipe, too, if you insist.) All fees support El Centro's Senior Wellness Program. (El Centro de la Raza, 2524 16th Ave S,, $75) BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT

Make/Fix Your Own Clothes

Nothing reminds you of your own failure quite like a looming trash bag of "I'm going to fix or alter this later" clothing. My own failure bag has expanded with promise, only to end in Value Village shame-runs more times than I can count. That adorable '80s party dress you always meant to hem? What about those butt-loving jeans that merely need a new zipper? You could be looking awesome, but you're not. You're looking lazy! Learn sewing basics or refresh your skills at Stitches on Capitol Hill, where classes for beginners (sew a bag, apron, or pillow) to intermediate and advanced students (sew a sundress or a button-up shirt, or learn to alter your pants—imagine the freedom!) run all summer long. (Stitches, 711 E Pike St,, $25–$75) EMILY NOKES

Smoke Farm Symposium

For several years, a small, unpretentious, invite-only symposium of scientists, artists, economists, and culinary talents has gathered in the rural splendor of Smoke Farm, an hour north of the city, for a weekend of talks, fireside conversations, river swimming, and camping. This year, the Symposium is open to the public. Speakers include Micah White, editor of Adbusters and cocreator of Occupy Wall Street; Deborah Gordon, an ant biologist at Stanford who studies colony behavior; and David Shapiro, UW philosophy teacher and former LA comedy writer. Stranger staffer Brendan Kiley cocurates the symposium, but don't let that stop you! (Sat Aug 3, Smoke Farm,, free, $15 suggested donation for dinner) CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE

Learn How to Tell a Joke

Local comedian Danielle Gregoire wants to help you learn how to write and tell jokes. Gregoire curates Seattle's most welcoming open mic night, the Comedy Womb, every Tuesday night in the basement of the Rendezvous. On the first Tuesday of every month, she also curates an hour-long comedy workshop where new comics can hone their material, ask questions, work on their delivery, and generally absorb the wisdom of a rotating cast of comedians in a welcoming basement atmosphere. Gregoire is especially keen on mentoring new female comedians in the scene, so ladies, don't be shy. (Tuesdays, Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave,, 6 pm, $5, 21+) CIENNA MADRID