Comments are closed.
Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.
1. pick one of your hobbies. mine is music. yours might be football (I hear we have that here) or climbing (you're in luck! there's so many of you! I once went an entire week without meeting anyone who didn't climb. you don't climb? say you're interested and I guarantee someone within the first three people will invite you. remember to follow up!), or games (cafe mox..? Ballard.)
2. if you don't have any hobbies, interests, passions, or projects, return to step 0 and improve yourself.
3. exercise the advice in the above article while doing your best to be a productive and engaging member of the community. examples:
Ex. 1: volunteer with a related organization
1a) music : decibel festival, hollow earth radio, vera project, kexp, kuow, Seattle Symphony Orchestra, etc.
1b) outdoors : Washington trails association
1c) film : reel girls, Jack straw
1d) youth & education : big brained superheroes, youthcare, ignite!, and so many others.
1e) social justice : you probably know better than I do. community is the foundation of social justice.
Ex 2. seek out like minded people. organize something yourself, e.g. climbing. go to sbp. climb there. exercise advice in article. invite people to a climbing excursion you have planned.
4. keep doing it. maybe you'll find yourself with more than a few friends! in fact, it's possible to build or join an entire community following these simple steps. you might even be able to do it while contributing to an interesting cultural or educational piece of the city! look at you, contributing to Seattle, your adopted city. you can have so many things to do, you might even start to occasionally forget that one time you made vague plans to hang out with that nice person who introduced themselves to you, tsk,tsk.
I don't know how many times a transplant has complained that a Seattlite said they wanted to get coffee but never followed up and therefore snubbed them, when in reality all the Seattlite really said was that they were open to hanging out sometime in the future. And to be real, you didn't call them either.
Personally, I made a lot of friends in Seattle during my near-decade of residence, but they were all through work. It's in music halls and bars where you really find it difficult to connect with people you've never met. Still, there were plenty of friendly people working in the shops and restaurants, and sometimes hanging iut in parks, laundromats, or living next door.
Seriously, Loud Stranger with Regional Accent, why are you looking me right in the eye and talking to me? I don't know you, and you're forcing me to be very polite. Which I will be, because rudeness is triple-A-not-ok. But I don't know you, and no, I don't want to get coffee next Wednesday. People who talk to strangers are weird. Therefore, you are weird.
So stop. Just stop. You're embarrassing yourself and kinda creeping me out.
Dial that back to about 25% and you might be onto something.
Signed, Born here and lived here more than 20 40 years
It is hard to make friends in a new place. People move to Seattle and bitch about not being able to makes friends and everyone being really unfriendly. I remember them doing the same thing at my college, in Boston, in Maine, etc... Yes, back where you came from you felt like you had more friendly interactions. That's because you had friends back there and they gave you friendly feelings often. Now you need to make new friends and it's not easy. sorry. Don't blame Seattle, it's just life.
I'm so glad people routinely don't talk to strangers on the bus, being around so many humans at once is stressful enough.
People could always try this: http://i.imgur.com/iqnZMSA.jpg
Marcia, you're full of yourself. Please leave. Haha
I love this city.
Everybody makes a plan,
and then their plans they breaks...
Everybody knows, that
life is give and takes, but-
(Seattle via Sesame Street)
1) Don't be an asshole.
I think this "freeze" thing is just typical busy/dense city culture. Cities like Seattle draw overachievers, the ambitious, and young people ready to work 70 hour weeks. Just because you meet a person with common values/interests doesn't mean they have any time left to fill with new people - chances are, most people have already filled their limited free time with a few friends. Its not that different from single people looking for a romantic partner - "availability" is key.
Legitimately curious here.
You're talking to someone, possibly someone new, possibly someone you've bumped into a few times. You go on with what you believe is a reasonable conversation, and it seems like they're having a reasonable conversation with you.
Then out of nowhere, the "reset" happens -- the "Seattle Reset" ...
Any conversational context winds up being lost. Personal behaviour returns to what it was before you talked with this person. In many instances, they simply stop talking -- they've "reset", so they don't remember you from that point onward.
It's unnerving, it's deeply anti-social, and it's one of the reasons why I Hate Seattle. (Of course, this is why we're all here -- this isn't a beauty pageant for people who want to give Seattle a big, sloppy kiss.)
What I do know is that it isn't generational -- I've experienced the "Seattle reset" from people who were part of what some Americans call the "Greatest Generation" (I've failed to be impressed) as well as Baby Boomers and Generations X, Y, and Zed. It happens rarely with people who are from other places, who have lived elsewhere before having made the move to Seattle, but it happens frequently with those who are natives as well as those who have gone native.
Forget the "Seattle Freeze" -- it's the "Seattle Reset" that's the bigger problem. Just as you think you've broken through, that there might be a new friend in the making, the "Seattle Reset" kicks in and it's as if you've said nothing at all.
The "Seattle Freeze" is about people shutting you out, but the "Seattle Reset" is about people who can't manage to keep the door open enough to let you in.
Yeah, someone's knockin' at the door, someone's ringin' the bell, but they're not doing you a favour by letting you in. Things do not end with a cheery Paul McCartney song ending. (Of course, native Seattle people might respond with another Paul McCartney song ending by saying "what's wrong with that" ...)
My question ultimately is this: why do people who manifest the "Seattle Reset" behaviour even try to let anyone in? It seems they're nicely self-absorbed, having conversations on light topics, remaining flakier than a dessicated coconut cake.
I suppose I've realised the truth ...
Just because they're polite doesn't mean they're really all that friendly.
#11 said it very well. Smiling and being nice is expected; if you are an obnoxious twit, we won't call you on it, or be angry, or glare or whatever. We will nod, make plans for coffee next Wednesday, and then never, ever ride that bus again.
Getting the cold shoulder frequently probably means that you're coming off badly. Self examine whether the other person has expressed any actual desire to meet: do they ever ask? Did they bring up the idea? Were they deliberately vague about scheduling?
I understand this is not how it is done elsewhere. I've been told by people from the East Coast that it comes across as blatantly dishonest to be nice but not mean it. We, on the other hand, would consider it rude to tell someone you don't like them.
@49 You meet by having a legitimate reason to interact: you are in a social environment (not the bus. The bus is transportation, it is not a mixer) and there is a real topic (you are pretty or I like your clothing are not real topics, they are amateur stalker moves). Newcomers can be vouched for by friends ("Hey guys, this is Jorge, from out of town - he's an awesome musician!") or by themselves, by not being creepy or desperate or acting like a prick. We are granted this authority by ourselves, because we have the right to determine who we want to be friends with.
That last was a silly question and maybe points out part of your problem: you think we have some obligation to welcome you with open arms. We do not. You are not from Seattle, you are rude, boorish, opportunist, you bring nothing but a tougher housing and job market and more traffic until proven otherwise. We will, however, be polite to you.
Secondly, complain bitterly about the weather (hey, we didn't keep it a secret!) and also complain about the lack of good :Mexican food, bagels, cheese steaks, name your favorite street food. We don't tend to eat on the street. The rain makes everything soggy.
Don't assume that we all WENT somewhere, leaving some sort of void to be filled with people from (name your city/state).
"Step Zero to 'break through' the Seattle Freeze: Accept that it's entirely your fault, for not being from Seattle."
1. Stop honking your horn.
2 Stop trying to cut lines.
3 Think about somebody else's wishes before your own, once a day.
4 Find a Seattleite, (a real one) and ask them what they hate the most about the newcomers. Then: don't do any of what they say.
caveat: At no point do you "become from Seattle" you are what you are.: