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Thank you for posting this Sarah. I think it's important for people to understand you can use marijuana without being a stoner (not that there's anything wrong with being a stoner). Also, it's so much healthier for you than drinking, despite your grandpap's old age when he passed.
Let me borrow from you - "i think it's important for people to understand you can use heroin without being a junkie."
Hey what's the name of that Joe Wenderoth poem, it sounds awesome.
I've got pathological anxiety and I handle alcohol very well; it mellows me out, damps down my thoughts a bit. I even came close to self-medicating with it (before I knew that I had an anxiety disorder), downing half a bottle of wine before doing any work on whatever paper I had to write for class.
Marijuana I don't touch and don't intend to. Not only do I find the smell disgusting, I suspect that it may badly affect my mental state. I'm tightly wound, high-strung, full of nervous energy, and I make it work! My worry is that the influence of cannabis could unleash things I keep stored away, aggravate my hypersensitivity to sound and color, or possibly even ratchet my anxiety up into full-blown paranoia.
I do heartily agree, though, that cheese is delicious and eating it is a commendable delight. I second dwightmoodyforgetsthings's suggestion of sharp cheddar with tangy jam. It makes a very nice sandwich on soft whole wheat bread.
—the poetry of Marian Tsvetaeva is indeed awesome, especially in the original;
—weed gives me not only cotton mouth, but cotton everything else. I tell mainstream folks I stopped because that was the year I started wearing soft contact lenses, and my eyes became too dry when I got high to wear contacts comfortably. That much is true, but it's not the whole story: cotton mouth, cotton eyes, cotton cunt. And there was no such thing as cherry-flavored Astroglide when I was a Russian graduate student. Something had to go. Haven't used weed since.
So it may still be worth a shot since a panic attack won't kill anyone, and for the destructive drinker, weed is certainly a bit safer, but weed = anxiety reducer? Not exactly.