illustrations by kathryn rathke


Woot! My vote goes to that dog that steals food from the fish market.
Once again, the minions at The Stranger have seen fit not to award me a Genius award.

You mangey bunch of mofos! Sweet Jesus on a Freak! What is it with you people anyway?

Why, genius oozes from every pore of my being. When I walk the streets, do not people ask, "Did you just smell that stink of genius?"

Do not they inquire, "Say, did you just catch a whiff of genius in the air?"

Why, whenever I take the occasional and infrequent shower, I always splash on Eau de Genius!

And do not all my masturbatory fantasies include Lindy West? (Sorry, kiddo!)

Was I not the brainiac who first introduced the Puget Sound region to that Japanese classic, Attack Girls' Swim Team versus the Undead?

Am I not the creator of that notorious abbreviation, OMG? (That's! to you Lesser Mortals in Outer Bellevue.)

Was I not the farsighted seer who predicted that Paul Allen's ungodly Experience Music Project would be to architecture what Dan Savage is to critical political analysis? (That would be negative and piss-poor on both counts!)

Was I not the savvy political analyst who advised the sinister Mayor Paul Schell to bring the WTO to Seattle?

Yet you perves of pomposity again ignore the illustrious sgt_doom!!!

You fiends had best be quaking in your open-toed sandals!

Until that day they begin serving ice water in Hell,

Doom out!

(Even Sally Bagshaw made the short list! Holy Mother of Godzilla!)
That was an amazing show. I had no idea I needed to see African dancers that badly this evening :)

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