Pullout Jan 23, 2013 at 4:00 am

How Does the Wedding Industry Really Feel About Gay Marriage?

The Stranger

Comments

1
Industry is right. Even if I were marriage-inclined, I wouldn't go anywhere near a $3000 wedding cake. That's obscene. And an average wedding at $30K? Fuck! Spend a grand of it on the wedding and take six months off exploring the world together with the rest of the dough.

Yeah, I know. There's no convincing someone not to spend the $3000 on the bloody cake.
2
When my husband and I had a commitment ceremony in Louisiana (prior to having a legal ceremony in Canada), we made sure up front that the hotel, florist, bakery, photographer and stationer all knew up front that it was a wedding for two men. If anyone had objected, we would have taken our money elsewhere. There's always some place else to buy a wedding cake.

And, no, @1, we didn't spend $3,000 on the cake. Nor did we spend $30,000 on the wedding. We spent far less than that, and what we spent included the trip to Canada for the real ceremony and our honeymoon.

For those who are pressured to have the wedding their parents want for them--here's the solution: pay for it yourself and do what you want.
3
I am a wedding cake designer here in WA, I am happy to make cakes for anyone who wants one. I don't care if you are gay or straight. Everyone should have a beautiful cake that looks beautiful and tastes amazing for there special day.

I can honestly say the most I have ever charged for a Cake was $2500 it was 7 feet tall and 42 inches across the base and served over 500 guest.

I charge a flat rate of $3 per slice for my cakes so if you are planning a wedding for 150 people, The cake would cost $450 + an applicable delivery fee.
4
As a lesbian and the owner of City Catering, I am quite proud to live in Washington state. We have been catering same sex commitment ceremonies for years, but I was surprised at how much it meant to me when a couple came in to do a tasting for our first legal wedding. It felt different. I had a bit of goosebumps and felt the impact of what that meant to me personally.

I have always considered City Catering to be a port in the storm for couples who want their vendors to be a supportive part of their celebration. While there are some who may only see it as a new sector of business, there are many of us who have a personal stake in the right of all to marry. And let's be real, could people have weddings and receptions without queers?

Lendy Hensley
City Catering Company
5
I'm a legal 'officiant', and more than happy to do ceremonies for same sex or non-Christian couples! Not a problem! Phooey on those who refuse...do they think they're gonna STOP people getting married? LOL
6
What about straight couples who get rejected by queer florists? Where's our sympathy?
7
JennyGG would love to photograph your same sex wedding if you need someone. :P
8
$30K for something that has a 50-50 change of ending in divorce? SHIT!! No wonder marriage ends in large part due to money issues....the couple blew their life savings on a $3000 wedding cake!!!!
9
To prospective Newlyweds, remember - Weddings are for parents, family, friends. The marriage is for you. Don't allow yourself to get so caught up in the wedding the you forget about each other.
10
My wedding was awesome. Skipped all the readings, poems, songs, and bullshit. No groomsmen or bridesmaids. Our mutual friend (responsible for our meeting) wrote a lovely ceremony that lasted all of five minutes. Then back to the party! It ruled and it cost less than half what the going rate is.

Fortunately all the parents were okay with it; the uncles, aunts, friends, fucking loved it.
11
@6 Pics, or it didn't happen.
12
@1,

$30k is ridiculous, but unless you strictly limit the number of guests, it's hard to get out for less than $10k. I got married 10 years ago, and $1k didn't even cover the venue and basic catering for 80 guests (I think the venue cost was at least that much by itself). And at 80 guests, we left quite a few people off the invitation list. The cake was less than $200, the officiant was a friend who did it for free. Someone else covered the photography. The dress was custom-made for the wedding but actually cost less than the off-the-rack ones at the mall. The DJ was a friend who again did it for free, though we had to pay for renting the equipment (still a lot less money than a professional.) We spent a good deal of money on flowers, but not a ridiculous amount. And decorations were sufficient but by no means extravagant. As I recall, it ended up being about $8k all told.
13
Our wedding was in 2010 and I cant speak more highly of the vendors we used with regard to their 'gay marriage, whatever, do you want buttercream or fondant?" approach to us.
our photographer was Dani Weiss and she did a wonderful job and is the finest 'lezhag' in existance. and as a result, nearly had one of our wedding images on 'Californication' as she was asked to use some of her images for one of the episodes.
Our cake and catering was Starry Nights Catering (the best deal we found)in Kirkland and they did a wonderful job.
our venue was interesting: 415 Westlake, owned by a Christian church as a money making deal, as I understood it. When we went to see it, I fell in love with the high ceilings and beams, but was scared by the church part. So I said to the guy from the church that was showing it to us, "lets be really clear from the beginning, this is a wedding for two women. If that is a problem, lets stop this now." He said, "oh, no, we are an including church, its fine." I said "oh, you're one of the good christians." His wince was worth it.

we had a good time and it lead to this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9psxM4413Ws
14
actually, the best part of that video starts at 2:58, where Freddie Mercury joins the party.
15
@6: You're too busy lying anonymously. Man, how pathetically loser do you have to be to pretend to be a disadvantaged straight loser? Living in yo momma's basement is close, but that's because nobody else likes you.
16
@1,

The wedding industry is entrenched enough that, even if you want to go cheap on a wedding reception, any venue is still going to make you pay through the nose for it. You have to lie to them and not admit that the party is for a wedding if you want to pay the normal rate for the venue.
17
Sue! It is illegal for secular venues to discriminate against LGBT people and has been for years.
18
@12: I think most people are not used to planning events, and don't realize how much shit adds up. A wedding is about as big an event in size, scope, and formality as most people get to plan, so it seems crazy. Hey, you want slightly nicer side dishes? Multiple that one plate cost by 50! Or 100! Open bar? That's, like, 1k. And on it goes. And 100-guest list sounds big, but you have two people, plus family, plus if they have a remotely decent social life, friends, plus their guests if they have them. Oh shit.
19
All I know is as a banquet server, I could have given a shit about what two people were getting married, because the pay was the same. Actually, if it was a same sex wedding, the crowd was likely to be a lot nicer and easier to deal with, and free of some of the bridezilla meltdown bullshit (like the bride locking her ass in the closet because her hair didn't turn out and needing a heavy dose of Ativan to come out again.... only bride cut off BEFORE the ceremony). I know for a fact the catering company figured money was money, and frankly, more couples able to marry meant greater demand for services.
20
$30K sounds like a lot, but that's what we spent on our environmentally friendly, smallish (84 people), DIY wedding that we SWORE we wouldn't spend more than $10,000 on. I found a lot of deals and sought out favors and we still tripled our budget. A $3,000 cake probably starts at $1,500, and then they charged a gazillion weird taxes that are tacked on, plus plates, forks, napkins, the cake stand, etc. It's the same with food. You think "Awesome, $60/person for dinner" but that becomes $300/person when you add on the crazy taxes, plates, servers, cooks, cleaning fees, tips, etc.

That said, if I could do it over again, I would have just said screw it and gone even bigger and invited more people. Yes, $30,000 is obscene. But I waited a long time to meet a great guy, it was the best party EVER, I'll never do it again (let's hope), and we're never going to have kids, so why not?
22
I'm 20 years on from my wedding now, and also think many wedding price tags are obscene. We got 10 grand from both our families to do the wedding, with the understanding that whatever was left over could be spent on whatever we wanted. We spent about 1K, got married in our home, and used the rest for some nice home furnishings that we have to this day.

I am pleased that same sex marriages can happen now, and pleased that the economic impact is positive. But I hate to see new couple start life together in the hole. Hopefully, most of economic boon is due to the happy new couples who have been together for a while, and already financially stable.
23
We were married on 12/9, with just 12 guests at a local restaurant's private room. I consider it to be a minimal-cost, hastily planned affair that included a meal for all and a wedding cake. Yet we calculated that we spent $1200+, after including officiant fees and all the stuff you don't think of. (There were no tuxes rented.)
Even in just an officiant's office, we'd have dropped a few hundred. So the wedding industry had best get with the program re: same-sex weddings, or plan to leave big $'s on the table. People can be so stupid, putting 'morals' over income.
24
RUN, gentle maidens, while there is still time!!!!!
25
$30K sounds crazy until you plan to feed, booze, entertain, etc 80-100 people in a reasonably nice-looking place. We kept our wedding very small (only 60 people) and spent $13,000 (not including the rings, which were another $5000). We splurged on the photography ($2000) but really kept the costs down on everything else ($700 dress, $300 cake, DJ instead of band, made our own bouquets at the farmers market, no florist, DIY favors & invites etc). The wedding and reception were absolutely wonderful & worth every penny. It would have been really really easy to spend $30K if we had not put a lot of effort into keeping our costs down.

PS was lucky none of our parents gave a damn what we did for the wedding.
26
I would bake them a cake, but discreetly add a dog
turd to the receipe.

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